catching up

Thank you @Former-Member, you are so sweet, i wish i could reach out for help, i will try if i can get enough courage one day.

@hiddenite, my angel i is 3:48am not able to sleep, thinking about bad things, gosh the nights are long.

I so wish i had a life, good or bad, it does not matter, i just wish i had have done something with my life. why has every thing frozen in time for 15 years.

gosh that is a long time, 15 years of eating, sleeping and doing nothing, how can a person do that for so long. i still have no desire at all of doing anything with my life, i can't figure out why i have no drive for life to make things better, to live, to feel.

sorry for the rant just getting things off my mind. sorry moderators please remove this if it is upsetting to others, i just needed to get it out of my head.

Hi @Jacques,

Hope you don't mind me visiting. I'm relieved you have made it through a tough night. Just wanted to remind you that you have not been doing 'nothing' for the past 15 years. From what I have read you have:

• cared for your mother
• renovated the house
• built model ships
• developed IT skills
• done gardening
• watched and been mindful of animals and nature
• read a lot and engaged in self-education
• supported others here on the forum
• survived in the face of intense inner struggles.

That's just the little I know of you from what I've read.

Social anxiety that leaves you staring at the ground gasping for breath is a real disability, along with the other mental health issues that afflict you. You wouldn't be so hard on yourself if you were physically disabled, would you?

I understand how frustrated we can get with ourselves when we don't reach our own high standards. I'm a perfectionist in lots of ways and can be terribly hard on myself at times so I think I get some of your troubles, to some extent at least.

Just the fact that you have this frustration says to me that you do have a drive to engage more with the outside world. I really hope you find a way to channel this slowly into more small steps that might help bring you out of your shell in a way that is safe and achievable for you. For now, I think maybe you might be still recovering from your big trips out recently that took you far out of your comfort zone. That's totally understandable and not something to beat yourself up over if you can help it.

Take it easier on yourself if you can. Your friends here (including me) very much appreciate you and your many admirable qualities and all you do. Virtual hugs.

Hi @hiddenite, sorry if I've intruded on your space here with @Jacques in any way. The last thing I would want to do is make things harder for you, which is partly why I don't participate in this thread very often. For me there is a sacredness about the relationship between you and @Jacques here on the forum. Always wishing you both well.

Maz

Thanks, Karen.

Hi @Mazarita,

Thank you so much, my mind is all over the place, i know the thoughts are at the extreme end of what my life is, i just see everyone here and other forums i have been on living life, i just can't seem to leave the house, even when i go out, i am so insuler i just look at the floor, i just feel like i have loved, lived or experianced anything outside of this house.

yes, you are right @Mazarita, i have this push/pull thing where i feel safe in my house, but it is also a prison. if that makes any sense.

I just have to accept i will never experiance life outside my house, and just enjoy the small things i can, like the animals, i do most of the time, i just get days like this where i overthink things.

Thank you so much for the support, you are wonderful @Mazarita, @Former-Member, @Appleblossom and the moderators.

Jacques