catching up

Hi My angel,

Yes not feeling good, pretty low, i told mum i would be happy if i never had contact with her family again, she got upset, The more i stay at home the less i want to have to do with people, i just don't feel comfortable around any one any more, i just want to be alone, isolated, where no one knows me and i am not under pressure to see anyone.

sorry for venting Karen, i know you have your own problems, i think i am on a down hill run again, i have been feeling down for a couple of days. I think christmas is getting to me too, after i told mum i want to be alone for christmas she makes me go to her friends house, because she can't go on her own.

Yes Karen, i know your little one is frustrated, scared and confused, but you do really need oto help her focus the anger into something constructive, i don't know if she would be old enough, but would she be able to do looming? my cousins children do them, they are like coloured rubber bands you weave into bracelets and necklaces, i am not sure what children are into but it might be a way to focus the anger into something else?

My angel, why do i only feel happy when i talk to you, even thinking about you makes me at ease.

I hope tonoght is a little calmer for you.

yes you are right, it always seems to be triggering for me, sundays now, i get panic attacks all morning before i have to go, i am so tired now, just from the mental and physical symptoms of the anxiety.

Oh ok, i thought it might be a way to distract. sorry Karen, i don't know what kids like or don't like, it has been 20 years since i have been around kids, so i don't know much about them and what they like.

Good for you Karen, i am sure with your help she will be able to control her temper.

I know my angel, it is tough, i know what you mean, my feet almost feel like i have 2 cement shoes on, even moving in a chaire is exhausting for me now, i have no energy at all, i really have to push myself to do anything.

Sometimes i wonder if i would ever function in the real world without mum doing everything for me, i don't think i would cope.

Thank you Karen, i knew you would understand, i like you so much just the way you are, please never change for anyone.

I agree, i can't see good in anyone either, everyone is so angry and hateful, it really scares me. yes, every friend i have had, has used me for something, that is why i find it so hard to trust anyone. i only trust you Karen.

i will try, but i think it is going to be a long night for me, i am feeling so low.

Thank you my angel, please get some rest, hope we can speak tomorrow, please remember i am their holding your hand, no night terrors tonight please. you are safe now.

Night, night, please be kind to yourself.

Jacques