catching up

No Karen, most of my family live interstate, i have 1 cousin in dubbo, one where i live and that is it, but because both towns are so small i see them often, i really struggle with phones at the best of times and when my uncle asked me to travel 6 hours to his place, i freaked out, i went their last Christmas and it has destroyed me, mentally and physically, i was so fit and my moods so stable, all of that has gone, i am in total chaos, from 1 holliday, i am too frightened to tell him the effect Christmas had on me because i don't want to hurt his feelings, my uncle and his wife have bee nso good to me and mum, and i feel so guilty for not visiting and for being a bad family member. i am just so thankful i am the only loser in the family, the only wast of space.

Karen, i really don't know what to say, i don't know your family dynamic, i just struggle to understand why your mother dislikes you so much, is so unsupportive and is so cruel and abusive towards you, i have never seen anything like this before. i wish i could do more to help Karen, i don't like to see you being abused all the time.

Karen what your mum said is horrible, i know for a fact the girls would be devistated without you and their lives would fall apart without you. you are their mum, you do so much for them, you care and love them so much, it shows in how you speak about them, the extra curriculum activites you do with them and the professional help you get them. so many children would be so thankful to have a mum like you.

my heart breaks for you Karen, i know how deep this must hurt you. i know how devistated you are by your words. hugs my angel, i will always be positive by your side.

you are so wonderful Karen, i know how much you want to help, but i am the one who has to push myself and get back into excercising, if i could get this IBS under control i would be able to get back into walkign, but i freak out when i leave the house and have to go to the toilet, i had 3 "accidents" when i was walkign in February and march, it was so humiliating and i just had to stop walking. you are a wonderful friend, just having you here to talk to is more than what you need to do 🙂 thank you for understanding my angel, i could ask no more of you.

I was laying in bed all night and this afternoon just with my eyes closed and my hand clenched, imagining you holding onto me, it gives me so much peace knowing you are here for me, you help me through every day, even though your are struggling yourself.

hugs my angel, you are the best. 🙂

how are you tonight Karen, i bet you are shaking and numb? i was shaking so badly this morning, i could not hold a paint brush and at one point i could not stand up, because i was shaking so bad.

I know my angel, i knew how deeply your mum's words would hurt you, i so wish i could help you see how great you are with the girls, all the school plays, the swimming pool, everything you put yourself through, all for the girls, i know you would give your life to protect your girls.

Karen, i am really worried your mum is going to move in with you in your new home, and continue the abuse, i just hope you can be just you and the girls to heal, to live your lives as a family, all 3 of you.

I am going to get some gastrostop this week, thank you so much, i do hope it helps, i really need to get fit again, it will be a long road to recovery, i have so much weight to lose.

Karen, i know how hard things are for you, i am the same, some days i really struggle to get out of bed, every move ecve nlifting my arm is an effort, i do get it Karen, i am going through the same.

Yes my angel, i know how bad these flashbacks are for you, i bet when you wake up from them you feel like yo uare in another time, like you are really back their, can you have some soothing sounds going all night to try to help? i know you cen download an 8 hour soothing sounds from youtube.

I know how it is my angel, we are both spiraling out of control. please when you get home call lifeline or your treating team for support.

What? why do you have to go back their? i don't understand Karen, i so wish you could do what you wanted, they are your girls and it is your life, i wish you could just say no i will be going home, and that is it.

why does your mother always need to follow you around? i am sorry i am really struggling to understand Karen.

Karen, how about this, we will both start walking, just 10 min at first, then more? how about hwne the girls start school again? some peer support for the both of us? what do you say?

That is great Karen, i am looking forward to the challenge, a goal for the both of us, short and long term, no pressure, we walk when we can and we will alow for the odd day where we are struggling, i know how hard it is to stay motivated, if we work together, we can keep the motivation up.

i am not fussed on watching my weight, i just walk for the fitness, if i lose weight, great, if i don't well i allow that too, i just want to feel fit again.

Thank you so much Karen, you are a great friend, i hope you get motivation too. i know it will help both of us mentally.

hugs my angel,

i hope you are getting some rest by now, i do hope you can have 1 night without night terrors.

My angel please remember you are a wonderful, loving mother and a great friend, forget what others have told you, i know you so well, we have been friends for over 1.5 years now, i have only ever known you to be kind, compasionate and caring.

My angel, your words to me this morning, that beautiful poem really touched my heart, even when you are struggling you can reach out to me with such kind and caring words.

Karen, i do hope my words sink in one day, and you see yourself like i do, you are awsome. thank you for just being you.

hugs my angel, good night. i will be awake for a while to come, i will hold your hand, keep you safe, you have nothing to fear now.

Jacques