My special place

Had to read back to find out when my last post was!

So yesterday (Tuesday) was an okish day, got to a few groups and am often starting the day with mindfulness meditation and ending with a relaxation meditation. Are both really good.

Now to the bad part. Still having constant nightmares but pdoc won't up the dosage until I see my normal pdoc once out, so trying to ring him to get in ASAP. I don't understand this one at all. Surely she can up the dose a bit more and see if it helps with the nightmares.

Also, really shitty nurses on today. Wasn't the best this morning with SH thoughts. Spoke to the nurse briefly and she said she will speak to me soon. Well soon never came and she wet home. Then afternoon/night nurse said she would talk to me after dinner and nope. nothing happened. So twice in one day it has validated my feelings of I am nothing, what is the point, no one cares about me, I am worhless.

And since I am writing this at this time of night, yes I am having trouble with sleep. Spoke to nurse briefly before about nightmares and her words were well if you think happy thoughts you will have good dreams. I did not know how to respond to that.

How can I be in hospital, feel extrememy upset, have SH and have strong SI and I am meant to be in a safe place.

People need to realise how unhelpful people and words have such a detrimental effect on me/us. I hope the nice nurse is on on the morning because I will tell her exactly what I think.

I am so sorry if you read this. I so wanted this one to be positive and have such a good outlook on it and this be worth being away from hubby and the kids for two weeks, but I am just not sure.

Hoping the morning brings something better.

Thanks.

And it just got worse. Pdoc didn't write up meds again properly so cannot even get anything to try and help sleep or help with nightmares.

I despise everything atm

Hi @Snowie .... I got woken up cos I was snoring a couple of hours ago .... tried to go back to sleep .... ended up getting u0mand making a hot choc and reading the news, then found your post here when I looked in on the forums.

I hope you have managed some sleep, and are sleeping now, but I just wanted to leave a gentle hug here for you for the morning.

I hope the nice nurse is on for you too ..... it seems to have been a long, lonely night .... lonely in that you have had thoughts playing on repeat and no meds / not enough meds / the right meds to create a circuit-breaker. I know sometimes there are behavioural strategies that can be followed that work as a circuit-breaker, but awake in the middle of the night without someone to help walk you through them can be so tough.

Kudos to @TAB for trying to help you with that.

Thinking of you, and hoping that today is a better day .....

We’re all with you in spirit.

Hi @TAB pdoc is internet/short hand for psychiatrist... and just learned that tdoc is therapist of psychologist. Have a good hump day