My special place

PART 1 - YESTERDAY

@Sans911 @outlander @Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7 @Shaz51

So H and I spoke to my mum last night. We explained that this person was not welcome at our house anymore but we are not stopping her from having a relationship with him and his children.

She wanted to know what happened of course and I said that I wasn't ready to speak to her about that. I told her that H doesn't even know what happened.

She was extremely upset and I think confused about what happened. There was a lot of crying. I think she was shocked about what I was telling her and did not expect it at all.

It was probably the most difficult conversation I eveer had to have with her. I have broken apart her family and can see no way really in which to reunite it, i don't think that will ever happen.

I checked in on her today and she was still really upset. She said she could understand that I needed to put my family first but said she would understand more if she knew what happened. I told her again that I cannot go into any detail, which she was upset about. I don't know why she wants to know the details of what actually happened. I think it would be worse for her if she knew.

Will write what happened today soon

I expect your Mum is already churning over scenarios in her mind @Snowie

I can understand fully you not being able or ready to go into details but I also feel for your Mum. It is an incredibly hard position for you to both be in but you have to do things on your timeline and when you are ready. The fallout will no doubt be wide but for your family and your wellbeing it has to be on your terms and in your time. Very much feeling for you with the enormity of it all but still in awe of the courage it took to talk to your mum and set those boundaries

PART 2 - TODAY

So checked in on mum this morning, she was upset, confused, all of that.

This afternoon H got onto (i might as well just say it) my brother and told him that he knew something happened between us when we were younger and that he was not welcome up at our house. Of course he went into total denial and told H he had no idea what he was talking about and that nothing happened when we were younger.

My brother called my mother and ddenied everything and said he hasn't got a clue what I am talking about. My mum came up stairs and asked to talk to H. He spoke to her and she is upset and confused. She doesn't know what to believe and said she needs more details to know where to go from here. H couldn't give her any more details (she wasn't pleased with this).

It is turning into a shit storm. His word against mine. I knew he would deny it, I told H beforehand that he would. But now mum is angry at me b/c I won't telll her any specific details and she doesn't know who to believe.

@Zoe7 @Sans911 @outlander @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 and whever else is reading this.

I'm sorry if it is a trigger for anyone but I need an outlet to get it out.

@Sans911in terms of what you wrote before. It doesn't matter what I am going through, I will still be here for you as you are so important to me

Your brother can deny it all he likes @Snowie - you know the truth and the effects it has had on you. One of the hardest things for any of us to go through is to think we will not be believed and then to have that denial come into play just adds to our trepidation - that all then feeds into reliving it all again and the detrimental impact upon us. You do not have to justify or convince anyone in this though Hon - that cross to bear is your brother's alone and whether your mother believes you or not you have planted the seed that he is not who she thought him to be. Whatever the outcome here sweet Snowie - you did it - you confronted your biggest fear to enable you and your family to have some protection and impetus to move forward - take heart in knowing we not only applaud you but recognise what a massive thing this is for you - so much admiration

Thanks for all the words of encouragement @Zoe7 @Sans911

It means a lot having you two here with me.

I don't feel courageous or brave at the moment, maybe that will come in time. I know this will be for the best in the long run but hard to see it through the stormy clouds that hang over me.

Thanks again both of you for being you. I am going to stop talking about this for tonight. I am emotionally exhausted at this stage. Me thinks I will be in bed early tonight.