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My special place

SnowieSenior Contributor15 Feb 2018, 9:51 am AEDT

My special place

Well yesterday certainly threw everything off track. But thanks to some very thoughtful and kind people I was able to get threw it and continue.

I cannot say a lot about what happened as I am sure you all understand but need this support in place.

Things WILL be ok, just a lot to work out.

Psych visit yesterday sorted out some of the things and more things will be happening early next week.

I am sorry if I put anyone through any despair, but unfortunately what happened yesterday morning had to be done.

Thank you all for your continued support.

@outlander@Sans911@Former-Member@Bubbles3@Bunniekins@Shaz51@CheerBear@Phoenix_Rising@Faith-and-Hope@Former-Member@Zoe7@Queenie@Former-Member

Brain still not functioning anyone so sorry if I missed anyone

for @Phoenix_Rising as I know how much you don't like love hearts!!!

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In response to: My special place

SnowieSenior Contributor20 Feb 2018, 5:21 am AEDT

Re: My special place

Thanks @Former-Member, yep been up all night worrying. It is probably going to be about a 2-3 week stay so they will end up visiting me so need to explain it to them in some way

In response to: My special place

Unknown userMember20 Feb 2018, 5:24 am AEDT

Re: My special place

@CheerBear must've been hard, I have no kids ,but know the shame and stigma and how people treat you when they know, that's hard, plus the privacy you want .Hard one.

In response to: My special place

Unknown userMember20 Feb 2018, 5:26 am AEDT

Re: My special place

Yes see your point @Snowie,hard one.

In response to: My special place

CheerBearSenior Contributor20 Feb 2018, 5:29 am AEDT

Re: My special place

I think as a parent there's enormous pressure to keep it all together for the sake of the kids @Snowie and in a way that is one of the biggest things that keeps me going. It's also one of the hardest things as it takes so much effort and energy. I also think theres a lot to be said for showing kids that parents and people too and people get hurt, and run down and need support sometimes.

What happened with our family made the hidden become visible for mine. They were interviewed by police and with that came conversations I never, ever wanted to have with them. I was terrified of what it would do to them to see that the world wasn't as rainbowy as I hoped they'd see. I have no doubt it will have shaped who they are, but they're ok. They have huge compassion and understanding for little people, and that's the stuff I think we can get from seeing the less lovely but very real side of life and then seeing people and ourselves get through it.

Mine melted a bit (a lot) and it was so hard to push myself into managing that with them at the time/s. I remember when I told them I was going in last year really well. They lost it and it got quite intense so I went for a drive to take a breather. There were tears and begging not to go and lots of questions. But once I got in I found I had some freed up headspace to work through it better.

It's hard to not know what is right. I'm feeling with you lots @Snowie x

In response to: My special place

CheerBearSenior Contributor20 Feb 2018, 5:32 am AEDT

Re: My special place

It's rock and hard place sometimes I think @Former-Member. The silence can lead to big shame and fear, but the opposite can lead to that stigma and judgment. As you said too, the privacy thing also. If only things were easier sometimes hey?!

In response to: Re: My special place

SnowieSenior Contributor20 Feb 2018, 5:38 am AEDT

Re: My special place

Wow @CheerBear, that sounds like such a hard time that you and your fishes went through. Yes it had to change and yes they and you are better off now, but I am sure it wasn't easy at all. I admire your courage to do it in the first place and to also continue for yourself and your fishes. But in reality, yes, you really had no choice. I am glad that you got that freed up headspace to work through things better. I guess that is what I am hoping for, plus getting these damm meds sorted!

Even though my head is mixed up and I am having second thoughts, I know deep down this is the best thing to happen moving forward. I know if something doesn't change soon, I would probably take it too far, and I don't want to do that to my children.

In response to: Re: My special place

Unknown userMember20 Feb 2018, 5:45 am AEDT

Re: My special place

Can see that @CheerBear, I feel like I lost my pride,and dignity but mh took my independence through unemployment,changes to life that were traumatic and devastating. But telling your kids is different.

In response to: My special place

CheerBearSenior Contributor20 Feb 2018, 5:46 am AEDT

Re: My special place

Thanks for understanding @Snowie.

Hold on to that deep down feeling - you know what is right there I think. I think most of us do with that deep down feeling. Tricky heads like to second guess everything (like everything I find!) and that's why we have that place deep inside.

With the taking it too far thing, I remember having the realisation that if a couple of weeks without me around was hard, and needing to explain where I was going was hard, how much harder would the other be. That's a big ouchies scary one to say and think, but I had a feeling that would have been happening for you too.

Is there a chance you could take them in and show them where you'd be before you went in or go for a drive by it? Even some pics online maybe? I wonder whether that's something that could help miss 12 get her head around things.

In response to: My special place

CheerBearSenior Contributor20 Feb 2018, 5:51 am AEDT

Re: My special place

So much feeling that too @Former-Member. Lots of loss in lots of ways, and then mental health threatening to take (and doing a great job of taking) things that weren't lost. I'm trying to get my head around getting back into study soon so I can be more independent and it's vicious!

We all have our own stuff. Kids/no kids- it's just different stuff. I catch some of the challenges you face that you share sometimes and it sounds really hard.

In response to: Re: My special place

SnowieSenior Contributor20 Feb 2018, 5:55 am AEDT

Re: My special place

@CheerBearyou are right. Underneath the tricky, confused feelings there are those that want to protect my kids and no harm come to them. Deep down thats what most parents want.

So even though I have come extremely close at times (more so in the last month), it has been them that has stopped me and looking at those faces either sleeping or in a photo has stopped me. Knowing you don't want to put them through that huge ouchie.

I might try and find some pics on line to let them see what it is like. Might do me some good too.

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