My special place

Thanks @Shaz51

I don't want to clog up the other thread with my problems.

Today didn't start well

I hope you and Mr Shaz are going ok. It can be hard to look ahead. I hope just hour by hour helps a little.

that`s why I came over here to sit with you @Snowie 😍

sorry your morning did not start well , how is your afternoon xx

It can be hard to look ahead. --- it is and can be overwhelming at times and when family members suggest things it just adds to the list of what to do and not want to do

I'm sorry you are struggling @Shaz51 Hopefully family members don't make things any more worse than they already have done. Too many cooks....

This afternoon hasn't gone too good. I did something I shouldn't have

Probably said too much

Lets stay recovery focus - been trying to journal

Lets stay recovery focus --- let`s do it sister @Snowie

we can do this xx

hugs @Eve7 😍

Thats something we are meant to do aren't we @Shaz51 even if we can't see it.

I hope your afternoon has been ok

true @Snowie 😍

I got my cuppa for the afternoon tea and playing " words with friends"

was going to watch " tipping point" but the news in on now

have you been watching the winter games ?

Been watching the winter games @Shaz51

Is getting a bit repetitive during the day. I've seen the same footage about 5 times now today.

Hello lovely! @Snowie

I understand the not looking too far ahead. Taking it moment to moment allows to be more present with 'what is' and what we can control. How is this process feeling for you this week?

I understand what you mean!! I try to remind myself that if I focus on what feels most important that day, then I will get what I need from my session. I wonder if that approach might help you?

You're so considerate and caring about H and his work schedule. Please let me know if you end up chatting with him about it.

Jigsaws, gardening, journaling, and cooking sound really grounding. 🥰

And two teenagers, my gosh! Yes, I can imagine there would be lots of washing haha what kinds of things do they enjoy? And do they take more after you or H? I don't think we have talked about them much, but I would love to know!

And yes, absolutely. I found myself feeling quite flat after a very busy week and I didn't do much at all today (despite having a very long list of adulting duties!). So you're definitely not alone in the ebb and flow of things. 💛

Hi @AuntGlow Thanks for replying

I still can't look too far ahead. It gets too overwhelming for me. Lately it's just about trying to get through each day without doing any sh or anything stupid. I'm struggling a lot with everything going on inside my head. All I want to do is stay in bed. It's the only place I feel safe.

My first session back didn't go great. There was a lot to process. It was like just doing damage control. I felt like I let her down. Most things she suggested I do during the break I didn't do. It's not that I didn't try, I just couldn't. I'm not sure she understands that. I just feel like I'm in the too difficult basket. She really wants me to tell H what is happening. She says if I don't she will have too. Duty of care crap.

All my pdoc does is suggest more ECT, more meds or the dreaded H word.

No, I didn't talk to H about ECT.

D works a lot with aged care and goes to uni, so she is pretty busy. D is the spitting image of me but takes after her Dad in lots of ways. Very talkative and not afraid to tell it like it is.

S has just started an apprenticeship. He just finished school last week. He is a lot like me. Very quiet. Thinks a lot before speaking. They are very different.

D won't say it, but she is very protective of her little brother. They have a good relationship. They were never one's to fight growing up.

I understand that feeling. And if bed feels safest right now, you're allowed to be there as long as you need. @Snowie 💛

I can guarantee you didn't let her down. Recovery isn't as simple as 'learning the thing, doing the thing'. We go through many 'back and forths' before we can settle comfortably into that place of discomfort. Change takes time.

Change is also more easily accessible when we are able to focus on our small wins along the way.

You mentioned that most of the things you didn't do - does that mean there was one you were able to explore?

Duty of care can feel very daunting, can't it? Hmm, I wonder if you can share one thing with H, to see how that feels before telling him everything?

Your kids sound so different, but very driven and wholesome in their own ways. You must be so proud of them. (And remember, if they are wonderful people - that hasn't come from nowhere 💛)