My special place

Today hasn't started well @AuntGlow Been awake since about 5, just couldn't settle again

I'm trying to follow my sp but not helping much

The journaling went ok. I could at least say what I wanted, but it just brought up the feelings of not being heard. I tried to ring back but just hung up.

I've at least made it to the couch with the dog and a coffee and watching the tennis.

It sounds like your mind is very active right now. @Snowie I am glad you were able to express some of your feelings through journaling. I know that reaching out feels rather vulnerable at the moment, but I really want to highlight that even though you have been feeling this way, you're still exploring sharing here (which is no small feat).

I think retreating to the couch with your pup sounds like the perfect self-care plan. 🥰

What are you noticing about your mind and body when you focus on the tennis?

I've been having some nightmares lately which isn't helping with sleep @AuntGlow

I normally wake up feeling distressed. I try to calm down using smelling oils, white noise and try and read. Doesn't seem to calm my mind, but at least it brings me back to the present moment.

Everyone is out today which is not helping.

I've got the tennis on but not really following it. More background noise.

I don't feel a lot atm. I'm not sure if its the meds I've had (correct dose) or my brain trying to protect me from having those feels.

I've got my spikey fidget toys with me.

Gosh, nightmares are such an unfair experience, aren't they? @Snowie

Waking up feeling distressed would be very overwhelming, especially when you're needing rest and ease. 😔

Coming back to the present moment is a wonderful start, especially if things are feeling heightened.

Will H be home later?

It could be a bit of both? And that is more than okay. I encourage you to meet yourself where you're at with as much kindness as possible. Maybe then, it will naturally shift? 💛

Sometimes I can remember my nightmares @AuntGlow and other times I just wake up distressed. I never know when they are coming either. I could have had a good day and then they come that night.

H should be home about 4. I will feel safer when he is home.

It is probably both. My spikey toys help. They make me feel pain, but they keep me in the present moment.

Am going to try and eat something. Had nothing all day so maybe that might help a bit.

Hmm, I can imaine the not knowing would bring on a sense of hypervigilance, which would be so exhausting in itself. @SnowieI am wishing you have a restful and peaceful night this evening. 🥰

How is H? Is he with you today?

What kind of spikey toys are they?

Food is always very grounding for me. What is your go-to snack/meal at the moment? 💛

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@GezzaP wrote:

Yes @AuntGlow the spasm are terrible. Got them last night and getting out of chair first thing this morning. Yesterday I was better and hoped I was finally improving after seeing chiro Monday. Was hoping that signalled improvement but I guess not. It has settled down a bit now. I’m ok sitting for a little while. Alternating ice and heat. Psycho called this morning. Was ok. We discussed my problem of feeling like a failure.

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Goodness, I am so sorry you're experiencing this. Not having control over our bodies can feel incredibly overwhelming... I used to get hypnagogic jerks all night (when I was very anxious) and I wasn't able to sleep. It was awful. I empathise with your experience very much. 🫶

I am glad it has settled a little bit. What else have your professionals suggested?

And did your psychologist provide any guidance around feeling like a failure? @GezzaP

Morning @AuntGlow . Back is quite good this morning. The best it’s been in two weeks. Icing it. Yes psych was good. Bloody hot here today and this week. 43 today, 41 tomorrow high thirties and 40 on Friday. It was cool this morning so I opened up the unit to let some fresh air in. Closed up now. Sitting in the dark which I hate but is necessary to keep heat out. Hope you are well.

Morning @AuntGlow

Yesterday wasn't a good day. Blocked most of it out.

Got some sleep last night so even feeling a little better today.

H is home the next few days. Too hot to work. Next few days here are meant to be mid 40's.

My spikey toys are just little round hand held ones. You just squeeze them and can feel the pain/spikes. Think I got them from temu.

I don't really have a food/snack I go to. When my MH declines I loose my appetite. A warning sign for me is when I stop eating. I often have to force myself to eat.

Hey @Snowie , doing much today? It sounds pretty tough. Are you home with your hubby?