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It’s been hot and humid @Snowie I went for a walk to clear my head. It’s a hard week.

Hey @Snowie , I read on B's thread that you have ECT. Is that something you are open/able to chat about your experience of?

Totally fine to say no!

I'm not looking at doing ECT myself because I would be concerned that my quality of life with the effects of it would be worse (eg memory). And i'm not sure the symptoms i experience would be of the right type (or severity of those types which most benefit) from ECT.

But I am also aware that I really don't knoe muvh about it and may be more informed from "stereotypes" than reality.

Hi @AlwaysMyself

I am happy to talk about my experience with ECT.

I've had ECT numerous times. Most of those times I was an inpatient and had 3 sessions a week for 4 weeks, so 12 altogether. For me, ECT is normally the last resort. It is when I and my treating team have tried different ways to treat me and nothing has really helped. At this stage, my SI and SH are normally very high and I'm becoming a risk to myself.

There are people that do it as an outpatient, but where I have it, it is over an hours drive. Too far for my husband to do that. He would have to take all that time off work and it is just not feasible.

At the moment I am having ECT once every 4 weeks. My pdoc likes to call it maintenance ECT. I have been having it like this for quite awhile now. It does help as it has been quite awhile since my last admission. Also, easier for hubby as he only has to take one day off every month.

Side effects. Yes, I do have the memory loss. I found the more ECT I have the greater the memory loss. Does it affect me in everyday life, no. To the outside person, they would not know the difference. I guess you could say I'm lucky that I do have memory loss, but minimal. It is normally more my short term memory that is affected more than long term memory.

Like anything the side effects affect people in different ways, so I can't say how it would be for you.

I was very weary of having ECT at the start. I'd already tried TMS, EMDR and numerous other treatments.

Of course I'd read all the horror stories like we all do!

It isn't a magic cure. I still had to put in lots of hours with my psych, but I can say that it has helped save my life more than once. For me it was weighing up what was more important. Being here for my husband and kids or having some memory loss.

Sorry about the essay! I hope that this helps.

Wishing you a good day 💗

My back has been really sore too @GezzaP 🫶

How are you feeling today?

Good afternoon @Snowie,

How are you today, lovely?

Just responding to your last message now, I apologise for my delay!

The fire warnings must have felt so scary... there was a point I could smell smoke from the city! I am glad they have subsided now.

Has the therapist followed up at all or reached out? I am so sorry this happened, this is such an awful experience to go through and isn't a reflection of you and your worth at all.

This is Listen Well - Warmline, if you are ever interested. They provide free 1-1 peer support calls: https://www.wellways.org/our-services/listenwell-warmline/

This process sounds really cathartic and wonderful for processing. 🥰

I feel like shit @AuntGlow . Still getting spasms. No position is comfortable. Not eating properly and can’t go to the toilet. Sorry to be so miserable. Icing my back again. Can take more pain killers in an hour and a half - not that they make any difference. Hope your day is ok. If you have back pain I understand how horrible it is.

@GezzaP @AuntGlow sorry to hear about the back pain. I hear ya. Back pain sucks. It has been one of my triggers for spiraling into really dangerous moods when its constant all day(s). (Thankfully ive been managing it well the past 6mths with massage and chiro, but i still remember how i would decline when it was constant.)

Hoping it eases up for you both.

Whether it is heat packs/patches, ice packs, pain creams, medications, or mental muscle relaxations that work to help for you.

I got a shakti mat last year. And whilst im not sure it helped with muscle pain, it was relaxing and made me warm up in winter 😅🤣.

Thank you @Snowie , i really appreciate that. 😊.

It is hard when living a long drive from places and of course not allowed to transport yourself home after. I'm lucky that i live in a city region big enough that it has services at the hospital, and the city is still small enough that a 30min drive gets you anywhere within the city. I will be dependent upon a family member to drop me off and pick me up when/if I have PAT - they are 8 hour days (3 weeks apart) and a 30min drive from home each day.

If i ever consider ECT it would be because of SI and chronic anhedonia. But because i appear to "function" (fast cognition, able to drive, can get out of bed) and i'm not in a dark mood all the time i have always perceived it as "for people more severe than me". I guess if my SI was front-of-mind strong intrusive 50% of my waking time then i might consider myself at that stage 🤔. But for now its mostly underlying chronic SI with moderate but non-distressing thoughts 50% of the time, and only really strong distressing thoughts maybe 5-10% of the time. 🤔

Its impossible to know whether things will help without trying them - same as the adverse effects!

I tried TMS a bit over a year ago (it doesnt scare me as much by concept). I was hopeful for it. But after 3 weeks I had a side effect of severe panic attacks (i have never had abnormal anxiety, so this was not normal!) And had to stop. After afew months the anxiety went away also thankfully.

I'm glad the 4-weekly routine seems to help keep you abit better 😊. Im glad the memory impact isnt too bad for you.

Short-term memory decrease and cognitive acuity would be really frustrating. One of my work-strengths is my ability to think fast, recall with accuracy, think "big picture", and think "outside the box". Which is why i never considered ECT because i was working.

I expect your partner would prefer to take 1 day a month off work to have you maintain a better level of mental health?

Are they able to take it as Paid Carers Leave?

Thank you @AlwaysMyself . Chiro recommended ice. He manipulated my back yesterday, but I’m still having spasms especially in the morning. Starts about 4am, I hope your day is ok.

Thanks for the reply @AuntGlow

Not so well today. Went to Doctors (just to take heart monitor off) and chemist early this morning. Think I would have stayed in bed otherwise. Things downhill from there.

Living where we do there is a bigger risk of fire than a normal suburb. Am reminded most summers. Have been evacuated before in the past. Always have my evacuation box ready to go.

Heard nothing from the therapist nor the office. I think they were only back this week. Did phone and leave a message but no response yet. Still 4 weeks till I see my psych.

Did look at the Warmline website but haven't gone any further. Small voice inside my head stopping me.