My special place

Really just unloading.

Well both those appointments were hard.

Saw psych (telehealth) and told her some about what is happening. She expressed concern and tried to put some things in place. Felt like I failed her. All these things she suggested and I haven't done. I did say at one point that if I'm in the too hard basket that I would understand. She is on leave now till mid Feb. Am seeing (just through telehealth) another psych that my psych has set up so I'm not alone all that time. I should be grateful. It's better than nothing.

Then had pdoc (phone) this afternoon. Told him about triggers being everywhere this time of year and what that leads too. Spoke about my nightmares and flashbacks. Told him about my SH and SI. He did ask the safe question. Could only say sometimes. He did mention the dreaded H. Would rather not. Told me to use my SP and reach out if needed. He squeezed me in for an appt. in a few weeks time.

So mentally and physically exhausted now. My brain can't take much more. Just keep thinking about the same thing over and over again. Like a broken record.

Just made myself a cuppa and having some choc biscuits. At least my tastebuds are happy! Hopefully I can veg out on the couch for the remainder of the day.

@Snowie oh hun, I can hear there's a lot going on for you right now. I'm glad your psych organised some extra support - how are you feeling about this 'other psych'?

Totally legit to be exhausted hun. And we are here for you along the way too 💜

You definitely deserve choccie biscuits!! Hehehe 😋

Thanks @Jynx My psych is going to give this 'new' psych a run down of me, so at least I won't have to repeat everything and start from the start. I guess that will make things a little easier. I am anxious about not knowing how it will go. I just try to keep telling myself anything is better than nothing.

It feels like things never end. Had issue's with mum today. Whatever I do is not good enough. Oh also MIL is still in hospital.

Looks like coffee and chocolates are tea too.

Aww @Snowie sending gentle hugs 🫂 I’m here with you and I had a chocolate ice cream for lunch but I’ll get subway for tea.

Sitting at the track in a cool breeze with an athlete who is super keen to wear green and gold next year.

That's really hard to cop it from your mum as well @Snowie - from my perspective you are doing incredibly, all things considered. I'm sorry that your mum can't see that, it makes it harder to believe in ourselves when the people around us are not supportive.

I believe in you Snowie, and have faith that you will get through this 💜

That would be exciting @Eve7 if one of your athletes got to represent Aus.

Hoping today goes ok for you 💕💕

Thanks @Jynx

My mum has never been supportive, always very judgmental. Should be used to it by now.

Unfortunately I have to see Mum today, they have a Xmas party at where she lives. Hoping with others around that she is ok.

MIL having complication from surgery. Dr was meant to come in this morning and see her. Just hoping she is out for Christmas Day.

My body and brain wanted to stay in bed today. Sometimes I just wish I didn't exist (am safe)

Honestly I don't think anyone ought to 'get used to' being treated poorly... to me @Snowie the fact it still gets to you shows two things - first that you value your mum enough to care about her opinion, and second that you care about yourself enough to not let her opinions become your truth.

Sounds like a big day ahead, I hope you've been able to look after yourself along the way. Really sorry to hear about your MIL too - keeping all my digits crossed she can be home for Christmas 🤞💜

Thanks @Jynx

As I've said before, I love my mum but a lot of the time I don't like her. As her dementia progresses, she seems to becoming more opinionated and moody.

Got to go socialise today. Have a 21st. Dreading being social and talking/being around people.

@Snowie so hard not to take it personally when it's family, hey.

Aww heck, I hope you're surviving ok!! It can be very draining to have to mask and seem sociable when we're just not feeling it. Hope you're able to leave when you need to hun 💜