My special place

I'd have a lot of autobiographies @AuntGlow and books about history. I don't read a lot of Fiction books.

I try and give myself time during the day to give my mind a break. Try to distract myself, to think of other things. To just be. Sometimes I can do it and then other times it's hard. I guess a lot of factors play into it too. Some in my control and others not.

My mum has always been critical of me since I was young. Had to be the perfect daughter, always look put together, act a certain way. Always about what others think of you. Totally opposite to who I am.

H is easier to talk to. He knows me well. Can tell when things are not going well. I'm very lucky to have him.

I made a call just before. They seemed to understand.

So dragged my sorry butt out of bed this morning

Put my fruitcake mix into the slow cooker to bake, the house smells nice!

Made it to the dentist this afternoon, anxiety high

MIL worse than once thought. Had procedure today but has to have another one on Friday. Concerned about more blockages

Rang again, not very helpful this time

Prn...

Sending lots of love 💜💙💜

Good morning! @Snowie 💛

I don't read a lot of fiction either! Non-fiction is just as enthralling and intriguing. ☺️

And I get what you mean... it can be really, really hard to come back to ourselves. If you have the space to reflect, I would love to hear what your 'recipe' for being able to do this might be? I know you mentioned that things inside and outside of your control can impact, so I am just thinking that knowing your most helpful grounding ingredients, so to speak, could be helpful!

This would have been so vulnerable to grow up around... I get the sense that the carefree, 'messy' version of you is the one people would resonate with the most. What it would be like to allow yourself to be seen in your more 'imperfect' self?

This is something I ask myself a lot, and I always come up with, "So freeing, but also so terrifying".

H sounds so sweet. How did you meet? 🥹

I am glad you felt understood in your call. 🥰

Morning @AuntGlow

I haven't really got a 'recipe', especially if I end up dissociating. I do have a list of things that I do try. They include using ice or a cold towel, repeating specific sentences to myself, using a fidget toy that causes pain. Sometimes it's just time. If others are around then I find it easier. For example, when I dissociate during an appt. with my psych, she can normally bring me back.

Others do see my 'imperfect self'. It's really just my mother that I hide it from. Well some of it, she hates my tatts and tells me constantly! I rarely care what others think of me. If they don't like who I am then they can leave. Hmmm, at the same time I don't have any friends for that to happen.

I met H when I was 15. We met through part time jobs. We have been together for a long time.

I called again yesterday but it didn't really help. I know it can be hit or miss. This morning hasn't been great. Woke about 5am and couldn't settle again.

I just don't understand

It makes you feel like you aren't worth it, that your thoughts and actions don't matter. Is it me, am I doing something wrong

It's not a one off either, it's happening all the time.

I just don't understand

Hey @Snowie here to listen if you need to talk 💜

Thanks @Ru-bee but it doesn't matter now, its done, it can't be taken back

If I let it out and say what I want it'll just be taken down anyway

Safe atm

Okay @Snowie, thanks for letting me know you're safe, but I'm hearing that you're feeling hurt. If we can't talk about it, I can sit here with you.

It's not that I don't want to talk about it @Ru-bee but it's like it is a taboo topic on here. It's not like I'm the first one to bring it up either. It just makes you feel insignificant. Might as well not be here.

OK try to keep it recovery focused

I rang but that didn't help, I even journalled my thoughts