My special place

I'm not sure I can 'hide' without hiding @AuntGlow

I have too many people depending on me.

I've done a pretty good job of hiding today. I accomplished getting out of bed but didn't make it much further.

MIL didn't have op today, they are now saying tomorrow.

Have to take mum to gp tomorrow.

Still those thoughts continue. Would make things easier.

Ohhh hugs my @Snowie ❤️❤️❤️

Sorry about your thoughts @Snowie and that your MIL didn’t have her surgery. Too much at this time of year.

Sending love ❤️❤️❤️

@Eve7 @Shaz51 💗💗

Hey @Snowie,

I can hear your thoughts are feeling loud today.

I am here with you.

Hmm, I guess I am curious about what hiding would feel like for you; how the notion of it would help and if we can find other ways to create that space right now?

For example, what was staying in bed like for you yesterday? 💛

Thanks @AuntGlow

That space is safe atm. H is home and I've gotten into bed. It is safe there, away from temptations. Away from what could be.

I try and picture that safe space in my head. Sometimes it comes easy, other times it's really hard to imagine. It can depend on how much else is swirling around in there.

To me hiding isn't as much in person as it is in my head. I can be with others yet hiding my true self. Hiding how I really feel, what I really think.

My pleasure @Snowie,

I am glad to know you are safe in bed with H. 💖

What would that safe space in your mind look like?

Ah, I see. That sounds like it would be really, really tough... what do you think would happen if you showed how you were really feeling?

Hi @AuntGlow

That safe space in my mind would be a quiet room filled with lots of books! Something peaceful where my mind can have a break, where I can just be me.

Besides H and my supports I don't think I could show anyone else how I'm really feeling.

I've tried before and it hasn't helped, just made things worse. I have no friends so that probably doesn't help either.

I took my mum shopping and to gp this morning. She is so opinionated. Criticised my hair (I dyed it darker than usual) my clothes (my jumper had a stain on it). I would never open up to her. Even as a child I never did.

At least I'm home now. Taken prn, trying to keep things at bay. Will ring if needed.

What books would you have in there? 🤩

And hmm, I am wondering if we can create more moments throughout your day where you can just be you and allow your mind a little break?

And I understand that, I get how being vulnerable and unmasked can feel like a lot to share with others. Know that your feelings are always welcomed here.

I can hear that she projects a lot of perfection onto you, and it would be so hard to open up in such a critical space. What about H? It sounds like he is a softer landing for you? 🥰