My special place

Well didn't stick to the plan, but at least I got through the day

Hoping for a better night tonight

I'm sorry to hear you didn't get much sleep last night @Snowie.

It truly is one of the most overwhelming feelings, I have been there many times. 😔

I think prioritising you is of the utmost importance right now. I know mum really needs you, but it's okay to take a day to rest as well.

Can I check-in with how you're feeling now? 💛

Hi @AuntGlow

I've put mum of for the last few days so will try and get in to see her tomorrow. Even if it's only for a coffee. Get in and get out.

My heads not great, lots of thoughts, but I'm safe. I have hubby at home and the dog curled up next to me.

I think a little bit of quality time is a fair amount of balance @Snowie 💛

I am glad to know that you are safe and have your hubby and dog to curl up with. I know how awful it can be when our thoughts are loud, but maybe softening into some touch will help?

Here if you need to talk them out at all, okay?

Just listening to the dog snore @AuntGlow!! I wish so much I could sleep like her.

My head is just going around and around in circles.

Have the SI thoughts, feel guilty for having them, loathe on myself, feel guilty for loathing on myself, think there's no point anymore, have the thoughts.

Sleep feels like the time where I get a break from myself

Going to head to bed @AuntGlow

Ah, to sleep like a fur baby, they really are lucky, aren't they? @Snowie I do hope you get some rest, I am sending positive sleepy vibes your way. 🥰

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My head is just going around and around in circles.

Have the SI thoughts, feel guilty for having them, loathe on myself, feel guilty for loathing on myself, think there's no point anymore, have the thoughts.

This sounds really overwhelming for you... those circles are a lot. What do you think would help to act as a circuit breaker of sorts here? Even for a moment? 💛

Morning @AuntGlow

You asked what would help as a circuit breaker. For me it depends on how intense those thoughts are. Sometimes just trying to focus on something else can help. Writing in my journal, reading, doing a puzzle can help ease them. My psych gave me a list of 100 things I can do to help distract myself. I try things of that list.

Other times, I need to use prn and to break down the day. It might mean just taking it hour by hour or even 10 mins at a time. Focus my energy on just getting through that period of time. Looking too far ahead can be so overwhelming at times.

Having hubby or one of my kids around can help too. Even though they don't know what I'm thinking, just their presence can be helpful.

But really, the main thing that helps is sleep. Gives my mind and my body that rest time. Time to have a break from myself.

Last night was better. I didn't sleep through the night but at least I got more sleep than the previous nights. I'll take that as a win.

Will go and see mum this morning and have a coffee with her. Have pdoc this afternoon so I think I might write down what I need to discuss with him. Might help stay on track.

Anyway, I hope your day goes well 🤗

Had my appointment with pdoc. I told him what's been happening. He mentioned the horrid H word.

He thinks I need to fill in my days more and enquired about me joining a club (walking, sewing, etc) or going to meet up with friends. Did he forget who he was talking too. The person that avoids all forms of human contact. That just the thought of walking into a room of strangers makes my anxiety skyrocket. Also that besides Hubby, I have not one person I could or want to invite out for a cuppa.

He wants me just to enquire. I guess I can do that. Baby steps right

So sticking with ECT for now. Follow SP. Ring when needed. Contact him if things get worse.

that's honestly such a fair reaction @Snowie, going from mainly interacting with H to joining a club/activities is a big step. the enquiring first and taking it slow sounds like a good idea - going slow and steady might make it a lil less daunting!

i can see you joining a book club or cooking club!