My special place

I’ll put the jug on for a cuppa @Snowie. I’m so sorry you have to put up with all this hun. 🩵💜🩵

Thanks @Eve7

I am beyond caring. Nothing is ever good enough.

I just want out

hey @Snowie i can see that things with your mum haven't gotten any easier recently. it must be really exhausting to hear her constantly deny support from others and put all that pressure onto you - definitely isn't fair on you at all.

when you do all these things like driving her to appointments, taking her out for food, etc - do you tend to do these things alone with her? i wonder if taking someone with you would be potential option? so that way you have company/distraction while you're dealing with mum. sometimes if i'm stuck on a driving duty, i'll call my friend throughout the drive so i'm not stuck listening to my mum or ask my sister to join me while i'm running errands with my mum. what do you think?

• You could try telling your mother you can’t do it anymore @Snowie . There will be a fall out but that will pass. That’s what my sister did when they couldn’t manage any more. Mum keeps reminding us she looked after her mother but otherwise she accepts where she is.

@Eve7 @rav3n I can understand where you are both coming from.

My main issue is she has no one else. She has a sister who lives about 8hrs away. My father has passed away. I have a brother but due to past trauma have not spoken to or seen him for about 4 years. I have no other siblings. The only other person is hubby and he works during the day.

Especially when she lives with us, she can just walk up stairs and there I am.

I just don't know what else to do. It took so many months just to get her assessed by My Aged Care and all they say is that she needs to be assessed by someone else.

We've waited over 8 months just to get another appt. about her Alzheimer's.

I know it's affecting my MH. I just want to throw in the towel and just end all of this pain.

@Snowie i hear how tough that is on you. especially because you're the main family member for your mum, i know it feels as though it's all your responsibility to look after her. however, you're health matters too. you're not 'less' important. you do have a choice to say no - and i know it's not easy to think that and maybe it feels wrong to even consider when you are her main form of support - but if she's not willing to accept support from others, it's not fair on you at all.

is your hubby/S/D able to help out with your mum by any chance?

please know that you're allowed to set boundaries with her and you are never selfish for putting your health first. i know this is a very difficult situation to be put in and i really wish i could take away all that stress from you. just wanted to check-in and see if you're able to stay safe right now?
sitting with you 💗

She is very stubborn @rav3n (if you couldn't tell). I have spoken to her plenty of times about getting support and she says it won't help her at all. She won't even attempt to try. I did give her the number for Dementia Australia (twice) to talk to someone but even that was probably just thrown away.

I don't want to put it onto D or S. S is still at school and D is at uni. They both work too and D has her boyfriend. I just think to put pressure on them at such a young age is so unfair. They should be able to live their lives without that worry. If I'm not home then they have done things for her before. Hubby does help too if I'm not home.

I'm just going to head to bed. I don't think staying awake is going to do me any good. I'd just probably end doing something I shouldn't.

Thanks for chatting with me. I know I need to put my needs first and that she will just have to deal with it.

oh yes, i see the stubbornness! @Snowie i have heard that people with dementia-related illness have a harder and longer time accepting diagnosis and support, and i can see how hard it is on you and your family. i totally understand not wanting to bring S & D into this more, and i'm glad that H can help at times too.

it's definitely a tricky situation to be in, you know what's best for you and her but you can't control her actions which can make it very frustrating. i wonder if there is anyone that she would listen to?

hope you rest well 💙

@rav3n I can understand her anger and pain. She's knows whats going to happen to herself, yet has no control over it. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

Accepting that you have Alzheimer's would be super hard. I know that I would have a hard time accepting it too.

It's like she bottles up all this anger and just blurts it out, always to me. I feel like a punching bag. She has no one else that she would talk to. There is a friend and her sister, but she wouldn't open up to them. I don't know if he talks to my brother or not about things. Thats where this Dementia helpline might help. I'll give her the number again.

Have to be at the hospital at 7 tomorrow morning for mums cataract surgery. Hoping it doesn't take all day

@Snowie you're so understanding of her, your mum is really lucky to have someone as caring as you in her corner. it's hard to be on the receiving end of that anger and pain. as much as you understand where it's coming from, it can still be painful to hear.

that's good that she has her sister and friend, maybe one day she'll feel ready to open up to them about. fingers crossed she gives Dementia helpline a try soon too, it's really great that you're still encouraging her to reach out there.

how's your Tuesday going so far?