My special place

Probably @Ru-bee I'm just not sure I can get the words out

hey @Snowie i just read about what's been going on for you recently, i can't imagine how overwhelming it must be to juggle supporting your mum and looking after yourself too. i know it feels like a lot, but just know that you don't have to figure out everything at once. you are allowed to take this a small step at a time, and you are allowed to take breaks to focus on re-energising you. you deserve it.

if you feel like it's easier to type what your feeling than verbally talk about it, there's also the SCBS online chat option. there's no pressure to say a lot or the 'right' thing. sitting with you 💙

Thanks @rav3n

I struggle to take breaks. I'm all that she has. My brother is useless. I'm meant to take her shopping tomorrow morning.

I just spoke to H. It looks like he will be away for at least another week. I just told him I was fine.

I think the chat would be easier. I can't stop it.

that's tough having all that responsibility put on you @Snowie hopefully you get to have a bit retail therapy time for yourself as well when you go shopping with her tomorrow.

i can imagine that H being away for another week is difficult to hear so please do reach out to your supports at anytime, lean into them as much as you need. there's no limit.

have you had dinner already?

@rav3n I won't have anytime tomorrow for retail therapy. She needs quite a few things so will just try and get done as quickly as possible with her.

I reached out, time is always the worst part. I know others need help too, but they just cut it off.

I haven't had anything to eat since breakfast. I've got no appetite at all plus I just don't have the energy. Everything just seems too hard.

I don't want to end up being admitted again. I can't do that to her. She didn't cope last time.

Hey lovely @Snowie I'm just having a lil read, sounds like things are really overwhelming with your mum at the moment. I'm hearing how much there is a big conflict in what your respective needs are. Because like, yeah maybe your last admission was hard on her but what about you? It sounds like it was very needed and helped you feel more stable, until stuff with your mum - no? I'm not saying that you ought to ignore how it could impact her. But I am saying that you are also allowed, and encouraged, to also consider your own needs in this situation.

Gentle hugs coming atcha 💜🫂

Thanks @Jynx

She told me to my face that me being in hospital was hard on her. That she didn't cope well.

It's hard to ignore that.

I know I need to put me first. I know I'm not coping, but I don't know how to change things or if they can be changed.

Sending you a great big squishy hug @Snowie xox

Oh @Snowie hun, that is not something you deserve to carry on your shoulders. My little righteous fury is kicking up and wants to scream out that you are not responsible for her emotional reaction to the situation. Or any situation. Our emotions are our own to manage.

Huh. Now I'm just trying to figure out exactly what she was trying to accomplish. Some twisted attempt at guilt tripping you into not needing to go back to hospital again? Cos yeah that's a smart move, let's make you feel extremely guilty about accessing life-saving support.

Thanks @Eve7 Sending one back to you too

@Jynx she has always been like this. Saying whats on her mind regardless of the other person. I should be used to it by now.

It wouldn't surprise me if that was what she was trying to accomplish.

Problem is that I'm it. She has no one else to talk to, to help her, to be there. It is all placed onto my shoulders.

Obviously I want to try and stay out of hospital. I want to try every other option before this one.

I know not every day will be like this. I just have to try and remember that.