Well the week has been very big in my real life with still lots to sort out. After seeing my psychologist last Wednesday, he emailed the pdoc quite a long email. Was a lot in the email including what happened here, my SH/SI thoughts and plans and my deterioration in my mh.
Spoke to pdoc today. He expressed the concerns the psych has for me and my continued safety. Pdoc asked a lot of questions about my SH and my SI thoughts/plans and what is happening in my head atm. For once I was very honest and open with him which certainly wasn't easy. The meds I am on are not having the desired effect and need to be changed again. The last few weeks things have taken a downhill path which I am finding it hard to recover from. If I continue following this path than I don't think the outcome would be good for my family. I am to the point where I do not care about myself anymore and what happens to me. I know this is negative thinking and something needs to change fast. I guess half the battle is coming to the realisation that I need more support than I have, and although it has been a difficult realisation, I don't want to live life like this anymore. I want to be happy.
So, an admission will be happening by the end of the week, well really as soon as there is room. I am not sure how long yet or what it will entail. Will find out more information tomorrow. I don't really like the idea of it, but I don't want to become another statistic and if I keep going like this than I am afraid I will be. I have goals and dreams like we all do, and I want to be around to see them become a reality. He has also recommended me for a DBT course once I am out.
My pdoc believes this will be for the best and I guess I have to at least try and trust him.
So tonight there is a lot in my head and my anxiety is very high from such an intense session. I now need to think hard about what I am going to tell my kids which will be the most difficult part now.
Do I tell them the truth? Do I tell them a little? Can they visit me? Would it hurt them more to see me in there? All these types of questions now need to be asked and somehow worked out. I think this is what is causing me the most distress atm, what I tell them.
I think that is it for now. Thanks if you have read this essay!!
@outlander@Sans911@Zoe7@Faith-and-Hope@Former-Member@Bunniekins@Shaz51@Former-Member@frog
Sorry if I missed anyone out, brain got too much in it at the moment.
for @Phoenix_Rising as I know how much you don't like love hearts!!!
