My special place

@Snowie —you're not putting anything onto me. I know all too well how much SA gets out of control. The b#&ch of a thing still tempts me from time to time, and occasionally wins. And I understand that are so many reasons behind it. Is it perhaps time for a hospital break again?

And I know at these times of feeling so desperate and low, so too is your feelings of worthiness. But you are worth as much of my help, love, and encouragement as I can give and you take. I wish I could sit beside for real, I could hug you while I wipe your tears away.

@Snowie 💕

Do you mean those in your real life don't understand @Snowie? If that's the case hun, if course they don't. They haven't walked your path, so they will never understand, no matter how hard they try. So don't force it, don't get upset at their lack of understanding. It's as much not their fault as it is not your fault. It is what is. Try to let that go if you can, because it will eat you up inside. Let them just love you instead. Let them care for you in any way they can. I understand that's hard to do, and frustrating for you, but you can't change that lack of understanding. For now anyway.

Do you want to cancel Wed appointment because you're scared of being admitted to hospital. My beautiful sister, please go. Please go, try to honest with what's happening for you, and that you're struggling to manage. There has to be an end to this somewhere. But you can't fix these issues if you aren't honest.

I know another scares you and makes you anxious. But if it helps even for a short time isn't that a good thing, for the person who counts the most in all this? The person who is most needy and worthy of help? The person who is number one on the priority list but can't see it?

When you can more honest @Snowie your need for hospital will lessen. Your therapist will work with you to find alternative options. You need to discover what those options are.

Big, big hugs sister. I know how much you are hurting right now. I can see almost see your face, all worried and stressed and tears about to break through. Be kind and gentle with you.

Thanks @Bunniekins. 💜💜💜💜💜

I know you do @Bunniekins. It's difficult for me too to see the people I've come to care about in a very real way, hurting so much inside and having hardly anyone with them to sit in that space of pain and hold that space with them. We do what we can gp to help with the constraints we have here. We can walk some of each others journey with them, but ultimately we have to navigate our own path out of the darkness that threatens us.