My special place

I'm sorry @Eve7 I know you are struggling too.

I feel crap about myself already without others adding to it. I really wish I wasn't here and don't know why I even bother trying to be honest. But then again, am I really trying or just dragging myself more into that black hole. Whats the point of reaching out when it doesn't achieve anything.

it just makes me feel more shit about myself.

I’m sitting in that black hole with you holding your hand @Snowie.

Thats why I stay away from most people @Snowie

I was going to ring pdoc but I know what she’d suggest so I’m going to the gym instead.

Thanks @Captain24 I can't stop the tears

Good on you for going to the gym @Eve7

I'm sitting on the couch which was what I was told not to do. I don't even know why I bother reaching out when I don't do what they say. I really am just a contradiction to myself.

Sorry I should have made it clearer that this was my psych who told me these things today. I got a phone call today saying she had a last minute cancellation so could fit me in. I jumped at the opportunity. Now I wonder why I bothered

That’s so hard @Snowie. Hearing that but especially when it comes from someone who you look to for support.

The things is that she is correct. I'm just digging that hole more and more for myself. The thing she doesn't understand is that there is no ladder to climb out of it. Does she really think I am choosing this life. That is pretty much what she said to me today. That it is my choice. Have I really done this to myself. I've chosen to be like this so I must suffer the consequences.

I don’t know what to say @Snowie. It’s hard to hear that stuff about ourselves. It then makes us question what we have done. I don’t think anyone chooses this life. If there was a simple way out then we would have already done that.

No need to say anything @Captain24 I know you have enough on your plate at the moment that you are trying to deal with.

I'm just ranting. I have so much anger, regret, guilt and sorrow. Why bother anymore

I don’t think it’s as easy as 1,2,3 I’m better @Snowie I agree that we do get ourselves stuck in a deep pit with our thoughts and we pass a point that it becomes really hard to change.

I have asthma but the GP never says it’s my fault and that 1,2,3 and it will go away. Changing our thought processes is damned hard and can’t be done with a few puffs on the puffer…maybe one day it will but for now it’s a rotten struggle with depression.

Love you lots 🩵🩵🩵