My special place

Hi @NatureLover

I acknowledge it is hard reaching out for help, especially when we feel others have it worse. That somehow if we reach out for support we are stopping someone else. They are hard feelings to deal with.

I made her a promise until I see her again next week. I am trying to keep that promise but not sure if I can. Those thoughts are rampant at the moment. She also gave me this sheet to fill out when I have the certain memory we worked on come into my head. I have to note it down with the triggers and my feelings, both physically and mentally at the time.

I speak to my pdoc this afternoon so will ask about my night meds then.

On a good note D got her license yesterday so that was exciting and scary at the same time. She drove herself and her brother to school this morning. I stayed in bed!!

I hope speaking to your Pdoc helps @Snowie.

Less taxi service now! It would be a bit daunting though.

I hope your Pdoc call went well @Snowie. Did the party keep you awake all night?

Hope you have a good day today

Thanks for your reply, @Snowie . It's not so much the feeling that I would be taking support away from someone else...it's that I don't want to burden people who are already suffering with my troubles. (You, Eve7, Bow, and everyone here)

Well done for at least making the promise. So difficult, I know. I was in the same situation during the 3 years I spent in bed with severe depression and SI and SH. My GP made me promise every week not to attempt suicide till I saw her next. Then she made me promise again. It worked. I am crossing fingers it works for you 🤞

How did your appt with your pdoc go? What did they say about your night meds?

Oh gosh, so scary to let your daughter be independent! (I would find it scary)

Hi @Captain24 They quietened down about midnight so was able to get some sleep. They really were well behaved. They had a cocktail competition!! But they cleaned everything up so wasn't much for me to do this morning.

@NatureLover I get not wanting to be that burden. But please remember we are here for you to through all your troubles. I also think that sometimes it is easier to talk to someone going through similar things as you, because they understand us so well.

You certainly are not a burden hon nor will you ever be one.

I'm glad promising your gp worked for you and that you are still here with us. I promised her I wouldn't SH. So will just see how it goes. See her again on Tuesday.

Pdoc appt. went ok. He sent me out some info on some meds that I could try. Said to read through the info and we will discuss again next appt.

It is scary with D, but I have to let her do these things. I think I worry more as they get older!

Hey @Snowie @NatureLover ,

Hugs to you today.

Hope everything went well last night @Snowie .

@NatureLover , thank you for sharing. We really care about you. It must have been a challenging time.

We are here for you.

Hi @tyme

My house is still in one piece so that's a good start!! There were only about 10 of them so just a small gathering.

I hope you have a great day.

Thank you so much, @tyme , I really appreciate it.

Yes, it was the worst 3 years of my life. I didn't have these forums, 95% of my friends dumped me, I didn't have a psychologist or a psychiatrist, I was on anti-depressants but they weren't stong enough, I had intense SI and SH for 3 years and wasn't sleeping. My lovely GP kept me alive. (I realise, looking back, she probably should've referred me to a psychologist and psychiatrist, but she was old-school, and she really cared. She would give me 45 minute appts weekly just to listen to me, and bulk billed me for all of them when her practice didn't bulk bill.)

It all turned around for me 15 years ago when my GP told me to go to Emergency and I got referred to a psychiatrist who put me on stronger antidepressants and a sleeping tablet. I then got talk therapy too. My life is much better now.

Thanks for listening, @tyme and @Snowie - I feel lonely today so am talking more than usual!

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@Snowie wrote:

@NatureLover I get not wanting to be that burden. But please remember we are here for you to through all your troubles. I also think that sometimes it is easier to talk to someone going through similar things as you, because they understand us so well.

You certainly are not a burden hon nor will you ever be one.

I'm glad promising your gp worked for you and that you are still here with us. I promised her I wouldn't SH. So will just see how it goes. See her again on Tuesday.

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Thank you dear @Snowie ❤️ I so value that offer, thank you.

I wondered if your promise was about SI. I know sometimes SH can turn into SI attempts for some people...not sure if that's how it is for you. But I hope you will be OK regarding both SH and SI till you see her again on Tuesday 🤞💙

I think we all need that release sometimes @NatureLover If talking it out is a release for you then I say go for it.

I guess my promise was about both. That I wouldn't attempt nor would I hurt myself. I don't think she realises just how hard that is to make.

The urges have been strong the last few days, but trying not to disappoint her.