Life

@Former-Member Those times of waiting for results of court proceedings would be really hard and it's not surprising that you are feeling heightened anxiety about it. Since worrying about it is not really going to help, is there anything else you can do to take your mind off it for a while? Colouring, deep breathing, watching TV? Easier said than done I know.

thank you both,

I'm just watching some bad tv kind of... no idea whats happening or on! but its noise. i will just have to see what another day brings i guess. my little boy has his last week of kindy this week. he is growing up too quickly.

lj

It is hard to do it alone as you are doing @Former-Member.

I felt the same when I went to court for access with my daughter and to speak at the Vic enquiry. The bonus at the court with my daughter was that I met an old school friend ... and I had a church friend who came with me as I spoke at the recent Vic enquiry into the consequences of institutuional abuse.

It is not necessarily a reflection on you ... I helped my ex with his big Supreme Court case .. and helped with a few supporting affidavits etc ... now I realise he didnt deserve my support ... when the chips were down ... I was on my own ... as a kid and a grown up ... young mum and old mum.

The learning I am finally taking from it is to know who my friends are ... and the difference between friends and friendly.

I know it is not that I dont show my vulnerability or am so conceited and think that I can do it all alone ... as is sometimes suggested... just those were the cards dealt to me.

There actually is little justice in the distribution of friends ... you can see it as a teacher ... how some families carefully steward kid's friendships ... some work and others dont.. often not only to do with the actual friends involved .. That is how I console myself. I have been accused of being popular by my aggressive borderline violent sister-in-law .. cos I would be voted stuff at school .. but that was because I was obviously responsible not cos I was really popular or invited to parties. Now i see how off-the-planet other people's projections onto me are ... I can even laugh at some of it now ... I put out more so there are reality adjustments all round.

Even when a relationship fit is not really that good for me .. I try and try .. and grieve friendships even when I have not been treated well ... and given the flick ... I am becoming more at ease with the ending of many as I understand how my childhood patterns of fear and clinging to abusive relationships has been played out as an adult too ... those people didnt have it in them to be good friends to me ... I dont have to hate them or vilify them .. a lot of it was bad fit ... but maybe the best that was going at the time ... it is what it is ... I am getting less jealous of those who seem to have friends .. and more settled with me and the precious little things that happen ...

like the tiny 6 year old, tonight in the street, who ran up to me very brightly and wanted to talk ... I first met him on trick or treat night ... he stood in my way ... and cheerfully took my jeep .. and then I got him to introduce me to his mum. When I was on the way back .. he insisted on carting my jeep 20 metres fully loaded ... "I have got muscles" ... he was the size of a 3-4 year old. I had to insist he go home as his mum will worry ...

it was just a warm night and people were out and about.

I am just nattering to try and cheer and distract you ...

Thank you 🙂 sounds like a friendly kid.

yes, i think i can see the clinging to bad relationships stuff.. but i also dont seem to make any new relationships either nowadays. but i guess one thing at a time.

its a very hot night here tonight and very unusually there's no breeze to cool things off. its very sticky and yuck.

i think summer might have found us down here finally.. from heater on at the start of last week to melting today.

The weather is the craziest.

I kept trying to make relationships .. deliberately working and reading and trying ... maybe I am meant to be a loner .. there were always things that werent really compatible about the people I met .. so I am relaxing my style and energy about it .. on the myerbrigg I am in the lower percentiles ... the odds are that I will jell with only a few ... but that doesnt mean I dont have to enjoy the simple things that come my way.

We dont realise how much being a mum takes until we do it ... and if it is to be full-time job as well .. then that is a huge road to hoe and all credit to you ... dont load up the expectations too high on yourself. Pat yourself on the back for getting through each day.

Hi @Former-Member. It is great that your exes appeal was dismissed. It's also a blessing in one way that you don't have to face another criminal court case, though I understand your fears. I don't have answers but, like @PeppiPatty, I'm here listening. In this stormy time I'm wishing you calm thoughts and feelings.

Hang in there @Former-Member

You are right though ...

there are some things we sign on the dotted line for and others we dont. Going through my annulment process was useful in helping me wade through those kind of issues about promises and commitments in relationships and what they really mean etc...