Life

Two separate issues

i) First Christmas overnighter is huge ... but the courts hold sway .. give kids some comfort objects for settling ... and breathe and be calm and punctual and civil, if cool, with a pounding head and heart.

I wouldnt jump to the Rose Batty scenario immediately ... those events are among the great minority, though we see them in the news. We cant know for sure so I wont say never.

Whether he is a ticking time bomb and you are on hyper hyper alert ... try and proceed as if things will turn out for the best. Dont be falsely happy or make promises about how it will or wont be ... I just followed the line that I wanted kids to have a father (or my eldest to have contact with her natural mother) but if there were problems .. be there for them.

I remember our worry over our "first" child in 1986 .. she went to her grandmothers when she was 9 months for Christmas .. and it has dominated every christmas since ... so now I keep some detachment about the silly season. We were terrified, but everything did turn out ok. The biological mother was only awarded supervised access.

To my thinking, the best outcome is that the dad gets a wake up call about dealing with small children ... men often need that ... and sometimes do rise to the challenge ...

ii) Full time WORK is huge .. it can be better to get straight back in .. you have had a few years off ... but you will probably get your confidence back once you are in a routine ... and the distraction of work can be a relief ... I am surprised you could nt find a part-time option but as that seems not possible ..

I hear your doubt and anxiety but would not want to discourage you from going back. The majority of woman find part-time more viable ... but you may be better off at work. ... sorry to equivocate ... I couldnt have done it ... but thats just me.

That is great @Former-Member, i worry that you will stay home and ruminate about what might happen, when we are alone our minds run away with us.

i do hope that things work out with the school, as you said you don't need childcare because of being a teacher 🙂 it is such a shame about Legal aid, it is so wrong, i wish the system would support you more, you have had a really rough time, you are doing so well under the curcumstances though @Former-Member, you bravery is to be commended, i am so glad you are part of the SANE family 🙂

I am off to bed, please try to get some rest @Former-Member, being exhausted makes your MH so much worse.

good night

Thinking of you

Jacques

So for work, you have options that you can adapt as things progress. Thats great.

Yes I got used to the buying presents etc for the other party ... good its partly managed at the contact centre ... all that stuff came in after we were almost through ... with my kid's access with father we just managed it all ourselves. In the end what helped me accept access was that while I was in marriage I was so rundown I started to feel jealous of the break access gave. So when I finally left, I was ok with it.

I cross that bridge a lot and am glad that the safety barriers have been put on it.

its good that the worse case scenario is out on the table ... and at the moment you are at the escalated stage in your separation ... believe it or not, sometimes things can settle down and not feel quite so desperate.

I wasnt meaning to argue with you @Jacques .. but also trying not to go into panic mode for @Former-Member.

Do you have much planned for what you will do while they are away ... and for New Year?

I can understand that and have thought similarly a long time ago .. but the thought of son finding empty house has put that one to rest for me.

Great idea to see friend ... or if you stay at home make sure you can phone or skype with her.

Is it ok for you to call them once during the access .. or is that frowned upon.

My ex was so paranoid he hid a recording device in the nappy bag I handed over to the grandma ... it didnt really work anyway and they didnt find it ... but letting you know some "typical" feelings for those unusual situations.

Any New Year plans ... I am going to Syddney to see brother. Havent been away with son in 18 months .. Sydney fireworks ...

hi @Jacques how is your mum ?? I have stage 4 kidney disease with one kidney .

hi @lisajane my husband hates crowds, so when we book a holiday we usally end up cancelling it and staying home , still take short trips around

hi shaz

she is doing better, she is going for scans tomorrow morning at the hospital so fingers crossed, i am so sorry to hear you have kidney disease too, mums are slowly getting worse, but we manage it.

thank you so much for being kind and asking, it means a lot to me.

take care

Jacques