Caring for an elderly, dying parent...

@TAB,

oh yes, I can relate. No doubt my Bro and my Sis discuss me behind my back... I couldn't care less and I doubt they would have anything accurate to say... they are both emotionally repressed people - they do not think deeply about stuff so no doubt their conversations are very boring!!

Who cares!

I'm sorry if you are estranged from your sis, @TAB, or have been in the past. I guess it might be worth reaching out to her sometimes for the sake of harmony or to keep the peace or whatever. It's hard to know what to do.

I wonder if I will see much of my Bro and Sis after the funeral? I really don't know. My Sis and I used to be really close, but then I got married and she became a workaholic. We still try and see each other. We still love each other.

I love my Bro, too. He might improve his personality now that Dad isgone and there is one less person to argue with, who knows?

Hi @TAB, @Former-Member, @MoonGal, @Phoenix_Rising,

we had Dad's funeral this morning... it went well, as far as funerals go. One thing I noticed is that I was way more in control of my emotions and way less sad, overall, than when my Mum died. I'm not sure why this was, but anyway, I don't feel too bad, just very tired.

I did get a call from the social worker who worked with my Dad's hospice team later on in the day, which was good. Somehow I assumed that they (the hospice people) would just forget all about me, so it was nice to get the call.

I got to talk about the chaos surrounding Dad's release from hospital and the subsequent emergency re-admission via ambulance and our family's discord and disagreements. It felt good to talk about it- I started crying a few times during the conversation, which for me is always a good sign, as it means that I'm in touch with how I really feel.

I used to believe that being able to successfully repress all my tears was a triumph, but I no longer believe this to be true. I think it's good to cry.... it's a good release.

The social worker is going to call me back in a fortnight. I look forward to her call. She didn't really get me to think about anything in a new way. It was just nice to have some objective to listen to me. I am comming to terms with things.

💜 Thinking of you @Sahara. You seem to be in a good space with it all.

There is a Jewish Proverb

"Tears are to the soul, what soap is to the body."


Glad you can cry, feel your feelings, that is a triumph.

Hi @Sahara,

Hopefully you are either asleep or doing something really nice for yourself right now after this very difficult day. I'm so pleased the social worker called you.

I am a strong believer that when it comes to tears, it's a matter of better out than in. Crying is extremely healthy you know!

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@Saharawrote:

Dear @MoonGal, @Owlunar, @Former-Member. @TAB.

my Dad passed away this afternoon. He really wanted to go.

It was very sad, but at least he is at peace now. My husband is comming tomrrow, so that will be a relief.

My siblings and I are getting a long. xxxx

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Hi @Sahara

I just read about your loss- I am so sorry but relieved in some ways - my father left quickly and I felt that was a blessing - of course things are different for everyone

My thoughts are with you and I will post again later

Dec

@Sahara - thinking of you. (hug)

Hi @Owlunar, @MoonGal, @Phoenix_Rising, @Former-Member, @TAB and all,

Today my hubby and I are back home- it was hard leaving Dad's house, knowing that house in now empty of life. It's like the house is lonely without my Dad and his dog to fill it.

Each time I had to go into Dad's bedroom to put away some laundry or some other things, I felt heart-broken. That was the room we nursed him in. He couldn't really get out of bed during the last 2 days.The room smelt like my Dad, but in a good way.

I noticed my Sis had put Dad's toilet bag in a stack of stuff to be thrown out. It broke my heart to see such a personal item of his being discarded, so I rescued it and put it back in him room.I hung up some of his jackets, which had just been through the laundry, on coat-hangers and put them back in his room. I guess doing these things really was pointless, but I couldn't let go.... I felt I had to do them.

In the end, I could barely look at the room and kept the door three quarters closed.

The last t-shirt that Dad wore before he had to leave in the ambulance had been washed and dried and I cried into it. I let my tears fall into the shirt, then I folded it carefully. It was so sad.

The last 2 and a half years have been so sad... with Dad constantly grieving for my Mum and me not feeling I had a place or a right to grieve properly, because Dad's grief overtook all other grief.....

This time it will be different because at least now I don't have to worry about one parent being left behind... to grieve alone, because now they are both gone.

During my Dad's last few weeks, before he died, I really missed my Mum because I kept wanting her advice. I kept wanting to ask her what to do about Dad. I wished she were there and that she would know how to care for him properly. But she wasn't there.

There is no-one there. They are both gone.

I am here in our quiet house. I think my husband is asleep. I don't want him to hear me crying.