Niquas Notes

I received a phone call from my child the night before last, it was very awkward; though I think the most of that awkwardness was coming from me. My child it seemed, was back to like nothing had ever happened. I don't think I trust my child anymore, I don't think I believe them. The only person left in my life. The only person I had any trust & belief left in. I do not trust & believe in myself, am I creating this situation in my own mind?

I think doctors have a lot to answer for. Like my nausea, I was told for a decade it was 'in my head' - not in those terms, in very complicated phsycological terms - that I didn't understand. You doctors need to stop showing off, dumb yourselves down & explain things in terms that your patients understand. Even if someone is totally making something up, there is a neuro-biological process involved - explain it!

A person has to be able to trust themself to be able to trust another, they have to be able to beleive in themself before they can believe in another. Now that's all very positive, but I also think; a person has to hate themself to be able to hate another, a person has to fear themself to be able to fear another. I am angry with myself when it concerns my child.

I am angry that I am so twisted in the head that I twisted my childs head & they are now twisting thier childrens heads, & so the cycle continues. We are victims, & like consumers & buisnesses, thier cannot be preditors without vicims. I absolutely beleive the worst thing a preditor can do is leave you alive - that is completely unnatural.

hearing you Niqua

hopefully as you adjust more within yourself youll feel less awkward. some things take time to heal from. and no i dont think your nausea is in your head- well not the way some explain it- just coming from mh issues. the gut and brain are often linked together.

i dont think your twisted in the head nor is your child twisted. you both have your differences and thats ok. your child has to learn for themselves too sometimes the hard way. you done the best you can and i truely believe that @Former-Member

Your always in my thoughts @Niqueeta1 ❤ have been wondering how your getting along in your hardships

No im not doing so well atm but will be eventually

Thank you Claire @outlander Giving so much to me, when your abuse continues Because it is abuse, just like my child & the finances, there are many different forms of abuse.

Love you Claire

NN

evening Niqua, hows things at your end? @Former-Member anymore journalling happening?

Good Evening Claire @outlander 🙂

Things are ok my end, still not the best, but better. Are you Ok? No haven't any journalling to share. I'm not finding much joy in my walks lately, I just seem to repeat the same ol' same ol', we went to the Weir today, it was nice & full 🙂 Got a couple of DVDs from the next town over, I've realized I travel about 100kms to get them & get home - I'd never really thought about how much fuel I use to get my 3 dvds for $6 each week.

What have you been up to today?

good to hear things are better @Former-Member thats a good start

aww i know you use to enjoy your walks, maybe you need a new walking spot? the weir sounds nice to look at though, did you take your pooches with you?

wow thats alot of travelling though i cant talk, i do lots of travelling too, maybe you could borrow a few extra dvds or a book as well?

have you got any hobbies as such you could take up or do to get out of that same ol routine?

i havent really done anything, a few things at home that needed to be done and taking a look into a few things, my uncle was down until lunch time so talked to him abit and the tribe was over for an hr or so and it went ok. but other than that just managing aches and pains

I have gone to a couple of different walking spots, they may be different but it feels the same. Yes I took the dogs with me to the weir, I don't go anywhere without them 😉

Sometimes I really hate where I live, mainly it's too hot & it is hours away from anywhere - but then I don't want to be near anywhere really. I would like to get out of the heat, at least it's cooling down at night now.

I'm covered in little tick bites, they're really annoying me, particularly the 1s on my back - I reach them!

There's probably heaps of hobbies I could get into, I'm just not in the right frame of mind.

It might be a good thing that you didn't do much today I hope you enjoyed your chat with your Uncle & having the tribe visit for an hour or so {that's not too long;)}

I think I might go & watch a dvd, I haven't had a phone call & I'm tired of waiting, I suppose if I get it I'll just have to stop the dvd & start it back at the beggining. I bought a new dvd player from Ebay, it doesn't work & I'm battling to get my money back.

Hugs for the aches & pains

Love to you Claire @outlander