Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember31 Jan 2018, 10:01 pm AEDT

Depression Dementia Dad

Is Dementia Mental Illness? It's a disease of the mind so i'm hoping i still belong here. If not for that - today at the DR he was asked if he gets depression - dad answered "yes I do get depressed" It's hard to read with dad's early vascular dementia.

Around Christmas i moved in with my parents as mum was unable to manage hersef let alone continue as dad's carer. She was end stage cancer and died in hospital palliative care only 19 days after i arrived 😞 I was shocked how sick she became in the 2months since my last three week trip.. My goodness - what a fighter she was. My two younger brothers were dropping in a couple of times a day & helped with transport, bills & shopping - but could not stay in the house.longer than 30min - becoming restless... (probably the MI-Sz / drug related) and they were wearing thin. getting angry.. Mum was so difficult / hurtful during my last stay to help, i was reluctant to come again unless she asked me to. It was hard for her but necessary. The first attempt to drive the 1200km i ran off the road & badly crashed my car - a 'Write Off' Sore bones & shellshot - I had to rest a few days before flew down.

I hit the floor running - household duties, neals & loads of patient reassurance for mum. Even giving her a bell. Wasnt easy looking them both, clearly dad had been neglected for sone time.

I was still in the bad books for reporting him as a medically 'unfit' driver during my last stay. They fought it and gad x2 doctors confer ( why not done before is beyond me).

So here i am, feeling alone with 'toxic family' threatened by my presence, the loss of my mum, a dad in grief, with early vascular dementia, diabetes, heart disease, spinal injury - poor mobility, bad incontinence. Its full on some days. Not just the cleaning up but all the medical appointments. Especially since mum had understandablly got behind on things like optometrist, pidiatrist... even the GP...

Just looking for support as feeling somewhat shattered after only x5 weeks. Big day today.

lapses

850 replies

711 - 720 of 850

1...71 72 73...85

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

outlanderSenior Contributor17 Oct 2018, 11:27 am AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember17 Oct 2018, 3:59 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member

https://whatsyourgrief.com/64-things-about-grief/

https://whatsyourgrief.com/understanding-grief-64-more-things/

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Shaz51Senior Contributor17 Oct 2018, 4:29 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

hugs @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember20 Oct 2018, 12:56 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Dads family Case Conference was cancelled due to “a lack of interest” and “concerns” expressed by my toxic lazy siblings. However, i requested the time be kept open for me. The dr didn’t attend but I did speak with Deputy Director of Care. Told her all the concerns I have for dad and the level of care. She told me Bro2 said “public guardian was appointed because I wasn’t caring for dad properly” :(. I’m crushed by his constant defamation, and don’t know where to begin in proving him wrong. It does account for a lot

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

outlanderSenior Contributor20 Oct 2018, 1:04 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

oh @Former-Member hugs and hugs
you are one of the best carers i know, your family just doesnt seem to get it. its easy for them to say your a bad carer yet when you ask for help from them they run for the hills instead of saying yes.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember20 Oct 2018, 5:37 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

thanks Outlander, I’ve decided not to attend to dads lawn now he’s not home, as a statement to the world how slack my three brothers are, they haven’t helped with his he garden all year, and only live < 10min drive away. They didn’t do it for mum either. I’m planning on leaving here in 2-3wks, travel a long way away, & not think of this house ever again. Let public guardian try get them to do something for a change - see what I’ve had to put up with LOL grr! Should see the lawn - patchy foot high yellow flowers everywhere, I’m too tired to care about keeping up appearances

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor20 Oct 2018, 11:16 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Good on you @Former-Member ..... let them work out the lies they have been told, and leave them to deal with your siblings ..... it won't take long for them to work out just how much you were doing, how much you were unsupported, and how unsupporting and oppositional those siblings will be for them going forward. It's not like they are going to suddenly change and be co-operative and understanding. It will be clear in hindsight what was really going on.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember21 Oct 2018, 7:24 am AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope, I’m not convinced the Public Guardian & Public Trustee have the resources to find out the truth. And there’s no accountability anywhere (accept with me apparently). I’ve worked hard at covering my bases. Was gonna dump all dads files at bro2’s before going, but then I realised he could fudge them to make me look bad. Do think i’ll Mail it all to public guardian. Part of me wants to stay for dad, even though he introduces me as his wife half the time (dementia), he feels safe with me. Bro4 says he asks for me with him all the time. Saw psychologist yesterday- she ignores my hints to SI but does want me to BE SELFISH & look after me. I don’t know how to do that - find worth outside of capacity to give. But I’m trying. Should I take the dogs?

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember21 Oct 2018, 7:54 am AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Did I tell you I found out the Carers Allowance can go for x63 days after someone goes into care. That time has expired or me. Not that I need it.
Last night visiting dad, he wanted to go to bed early, I helped him with shoes & pj top but with his new hip protectors and incontinence pads... I don’t know if he goes to bed in them, couldn’t find a towel or fresh incontinent pads... felt so useless compared to caring for him at home. He didn’t want to go to toot first “because you’re here” he said... 😞
I had to get the nurse which made me feel so important. He has a new routine now. Leaving he asked me to come back first thing in the morning.
I don’t know anything anymore... what to do
Maybe I Should have stayed in Qld, and kept my broken down house, to take the dogs back to.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor21 Oct 2018, 9:19 am AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Do offer to take the dogs @Former-Member, but you probably need to let the public guardian know, just so they are accounted for, but probably nobody else is actually conscious of the dogs, because they haven’t had to be looking after them.

Its a difficukt time of indecision, so try to sit with it, letting the different options tumble around in your mind a bit, as they are, until a pathway starts to emerge ..... and it might be something completely unexpected, like my move east was. It’s also natural to wonder whether you should have not sold and stayed with your house ..... but you are transitioning to something new now, and while it is scary in the moment, you will look back this time next year and see how it all worked out.

Hugs @Former-Member ..... it’s not selfish to invest in self-care .... it’s necessary ..... be your own best friend and do for yourself what you would do to care for a friend in your position. Can you go for a small adventure somewhere today ? Go visit a parkland or garden centre with a cafe you haven’t been to before, or somewhere beachside ?

711 - 720 of 850

1...71 72 73...85