Connect with people who understand what you are going through,
seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're
free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.
Is Dementia Mental Illness? It's a disease of the mind so i'm hoping i still belong here. If not for that - today at the DR he was asked if he gets depression - dad answered "yes I do get depressed" It's hard to read with dad's early vascular dementia.
Around Christmas i moved in with my parents as mum was unable to manage hersef let alone continue as dad's carer. She was end stage cancer and died in hospital palliative care only 19 days after i arrived 😞 I was shocked how sick she became in the 2months since my last three week trip.. My goodness - what a fighter she was. My two younger brothers were dropping in a couple of times a day & helped with transport, bills & shopping - but could not stay in the house.longer than 30min - becoming restless... (probably the MI-Sz / drug related) and they were wearing thin. getting angry.. Mum was so difficult / hurtful during my last stay to help, i was reluctant to come again unless she asked me to. It was hard for her but necessary. The first attempt to drive the 1200km i ran off the road & badly crashed my car - a 'Write Off' Sore bones & shellshot - I had to rest a few days before flew down.
I hit the floor running - household duties, neals & loads of patient reassurance for mum. Even giving her a bell. Wasnt easy looking them both, clearly dad had been neglected for sone time.
I was still in the bad books for reporting him as a medically 'unfit' driver during my last stay. They fought it and gad x2 doctors confer ( why not done before is beyond me).
So here i am, feeling alone with 'toxic family' threatened by my presence, the loss of my mum, a dad in grief, with early vascular dementia, diabetes, heart disease, spinal injury - poor mobility, bad incontinence. Its full on some days. Not just the cleaning up but all the medical appointments. Especially since mum had understandablly got behind on things like optometrist, pidiatrist... even the GP...
Just looking for support as feeling somewhat shattered after only x5 weeks. Big day today.
Couldn’t visit dad yesterday, seeing my face makes him want to go home. And he thinks I’m mum - why did I bother coming back from Qld?
I don’t belong here. His aged care facility are not remotely interested in what I have to offer. Being ‘away’ so long doing sale of my house hasn’t helped, makes me look bad. Maybe I I shouldn’t have sold my house just yet.
I found out from Public Guardian yesterday that dad’s facility have applied / asked PGuardian to approve PERMANENT PLACEMENT. Of cause this will cover costs with dad’s house sale $400k. They said I have 3wks to prepare a case to bring dad home, including proposed services (I thought they knew this) :(. all the sometimes invasive services coming to the home for dad, sometimes twice a day... Also said thry do not yet have the RFD document (reason for decision document) from NCAT - which tells me - I could still be ‘the bady’ in their eyes which would account for the contempt I’ve been shown. They also
I had a dream dad was stuck up on a ladder and couldn’t find the rail to get down and he was hanging on tight, and confused and anxious 😞
FORCING PARENTS INTO RESIDENTIAL CARE IS HEARTBREAKING!
I have nothing left.
Yesterday bro4 ones over wanting loan to buy tobacco. I said a quick NO as gave him $800 only a week ago. Then he harps on how I’m really draining to be around lately 😞
:(. I don’t wanna drain people, makes me wanna die, the thought of being a burden. And this is the one family member who DOES help with dad’s transport sometime.
Did I say he has Sz. (psychosis) yet thinks MH wanna cut him loose. He’s grandeous and loud and arms everywhere.,, and that’s when he’s just relating a story, and arms & legs everywhere, and can’t did down for cupola.., and no needy.
I’m looking at him thinking ‘this is my best family support’
I’m spent! Tthe weeds are knee heigh, the fridge is empty, washing baskets full, dishes overflowing... Feels like I got nothing left., no energy.
I Gotta get out of here but not sure I’ll find the energy. It would be easy to give up. Nobody’s gonna carry me and I’m not sure I can do ity pack up,.. go.., but where...
Yesterday I put dad’s car in for repairs for rego, walked all the way home. Day before I fixed dads windscreen. Ffinally tang & insured my car - with NRMA (600 cheaper than alians) Rang Centrelink to cancel carers allowance.
😺Made contact with the real owner of mums cat, whose ‘chip’ is still in him. She still loves him ‘banjo’ who still visits her round the corner but the lets him be an outside cat. Told her mum had died (she knew she was sick but didn’t know) & dad’s gone to permanent care and I’m allergic...
In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Depression Dementia Dad
Here and listening @Former-Member ..... my Dad is not at the stage yours is, and I don’t know what I will do when he is. It’s so hard, and you are managing so well ......
Hugs Hon ..... keep going ..... rest awhile when you can’t ......
💜💜💜
In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad
Unknown userMember
Re: Depression Dementia Dad
Thanks @Faith-and-Hope, for encouragement. Maybe I’m doing better than I feel. - like this year is too much, the end of everything... a problem for my SI default. Noticed the scars on my arm yesterday and thought maybe I’m ‘grandious’ being here helping, which I’m not anymore, sad. Gotta keep believing a higher purpose is at play here. Everything hurts atm
In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Depression Dementia Dad
Hearing you @Former-Member ...... it was always going to be a hard year, as mine was too, but we are nearly at the end of it ......
We're improving how you access SANE services, starting with Forums
You’ll soon be able to use one secure login to access all SANE services.
For added security, members are now required to log in with their email address and password - member names are no longer supported for logging in.
If you had a Forums account before 19 May 2026 and haven’t set up your new login yet, you'll be prompted to set up your new secure login when you sign-in.
