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Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember31 Jan 2018, 10:01 pm AEDT

Depression Dementia Dad

Is Dementia Mental Illness? It's a disease of the mind so i'm hoping i still belong here. If not for that - today at the DR he was asked if he gets depression - dad answered "yes I do get depressed" It's hard to read with dad's early vascular dementia.

Around Christmas i moved in with my parents as mum was unable to manage hersef let alone continue as dad's carer. She was end stage cancer and died in hospital palliative care only 19 days after i arrived 😞 I was shocked how sick she became in the 2months since my last three week trip.. My goodness - what a fighter she was. My two younger brothers were dropping in a couple of times a day & helped with transport, bills & shopping - but could not stay in the house.longer than 30min - becoming restless... (probably the MI-Sz / drug related) and they were wearing thin. getting angry.. Mum was so difficult / hurtful during my last stay to help, i was reluctant to come again unless she asked me to. It was hard for her but necessary. The first attempt to drive the 1200km i ran off the road & badly crashed my car - a 'Write Off' Sore bones & shellshot - I had to rest a few days before flew down.

I hit the floor running - household duties, neals & loads of patient reassurance for mum. Even giving her a bell. Wasnt easy looking them both, clearly dad had been neglected for sone time.

I was still in the bad books for reporting him as a medically 'unfit' driver during my last stay. They fought it and gad x2 doctors confer ( why not done before is beyond me).

So here i am, feeling alone with 'toxic family' threatened by my presence, the loss of my mum, a dad in grief, with early vascular dementia, diabetes, heart disease, spinal injury - poor mobility, bad incontinence. Its full on some days. Not just the cleaning up but all the medical appointments. Especially since mum had understandablly got behind on things like optometrist, pidiatrist... even the GP...

Just looking for support as feeling somewhat shattered after only x5 weeks. Big day today.

lapses

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In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember02 Mar 2018, 3:33 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

I think it sound slike you have found a way of honouring your needs right now @Former-Member and that's great 🙂

No distractions, wow-eee! Enjoy your sace and freedom for just you 🙂

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. I never really know what to say but wanted to acknowledge and thank you for what you shared around your mum there.

I'm so glad that taking a massage and a walk feel achievable when you have your dad there too. Hopefully that will be something you can do another soon enough. How was your 'me time?' 🙂

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember02 Mar 2018, 9:28 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Thanks for your input @Former-Member, @Former-Member, @Faith-and-Hope. It was all a little disjointed today, the start, my 'me'time,,, Being here to wave dad off & greet his return (going up & down the steep slope & 25steps out front is an extreem high falls risk for dad. Some drive up the driveway but one taxi driver left him on the footpath with his WheelieWalker & drove off, yikes! If he tried pushing the walker up the driveway he will fall for sure. I push it up & he slowly totters up the steps with rIls & walking stick. In the dark he needs to hold someones arm. Gonna feel bad if / when he has a fall on my watch. Anyway, i did get some me time, watched a movie, cought up on&some filing (which givesjme aosense of control and joined the local library.

Oh yes, my new Psychologist had a cancellation today, an hour after dad got home - so after settling him in with a cuppa & his fav tv program - i raced out the door to the apt where i just blurted it all out to... almost everything. She didnt get much of a word in but today was introductions. She got a pretty comprehensive history - seemed to think i've 'done well' considering the history (wonder if she believes me? ). Anyway, its someone to talk to, and she said she's happy to write 'something' to the court for me should it become necessary re this sole guardianship' & sole financial management application my toxic sis has gone behind everyone's backs and applied for - challenging my Mental Health in the process. So, this is why i have kicked off a new MH Care Plan foe myself. With all the negatives in my family - i doubt myself. I javent had to have therapy for 12months, but in over my head having moved in with dad (the family).

After the psych i went in Woolies & grabbed x3 packets of English Breakfast while its on special 1/2 price, just love my EBT lol
Ta 4Being here, 4Listening 🙂

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember02 Mar 2018, 9:34 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member
Sending gentle thoughts your way

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Shaz51Senior Contributor02 Mar 2018, 9:36 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

thinking of you my friend @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor02 Mar 2018, 10:56 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Well done getting to the psychologist @Former-Member ..... self-care intitiated in that direction ..... ✔️

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember02 Mar 2018, 11:19 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope, @Former-Member, @Shaz51 xox

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember04 Mar 2018, 8:47 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Quick check in @Former-Member

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember05 Mar 2018, 12:18 am AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hi @Former-Member, doing ok here, how about you?

I survived Bro3 & 4 visits this weekend. They are so troubled. Bro4 is on the hunt for pain kiillers this week (twas money last week), i'm not giving them what they want like mum did, they'll get use to it. Gonna have to go get script for paon killers now myself soon, for breakthrough back pain - so not gunna go 'give' it away.

And poor Bro3, he's unwell, aggitated. His CTO antipsychotic psych injections ain't working - he even has foil on every wall in his house still & goes on about being 'targeted by secret Gov lazor beams... 😞 Its exhausting listening to it all every single time 😞

And poor placid dad. He's biggest problem is SITTING all day. These home days he'll only get up to go to the toot - its such an effort for him with the severe back pain & advanced arthritis.

I Gave him mum's WILL to read last week & he values what mum decided and wants to do his own to reflect the same as mum's wishes. He even said to go through the same solicitors. So, i've made an apt with two doctors this week to provide a letter of his 'capacity' to write a will, to take to the solicitors & get that done. He is 83. Mum use to make all such decisions - he still trusts her - its so sweet. I'm aware he may well not have enough capacity, even on a good day, then we'll have to do the Guardianship thing anyway. Its a pain all this uncertainty. I know my sis would love to shove him in a home, send me packing & sell the house. True to style. The woman has no heart.

Otherwise Bro2 & Sis have been very quiet, have backed off (though I'm still holding onto my seat, waiting for the next wave of bulldust...) Sis has indicated in a 'one line' letter to me last week that she has applied to withdraw her application for guardianship (on the grounds that she can't get on with dad's carer' (me). Don't ya love it! I yell at her once & she's playingIthe victim beautifully. Poor little rich girl. I suspect the 'guardianship' board will still want to know if dad is ok. Oh, that hearing is still on for the 12th i see - I don't believe sis anymore. I have applied for an adjournment given the difficult timing having lost mum & late notice of the application details & hearing...

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember08 Mar 2018, 7:36 am AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Bro3 was here yesterday fishing for money for smokes, but fortunately he didnt get pushy, and he didn't ask dad (who is so vulnerable to financial abuse). But fortunately bro3 didn't get angry when I diverted to the $5k mum gave him (all of us) only 6wks ago (but i did get a dirty look). Said he's locked his $ away or something. I know its payday for Bro3&4 tomorrow - so they can just wait! I'm coping better with their games, but still get very tired & gotta watch my back & where i leave my handbag & keys... (they have CTO Sz & substance abuse issues... ), its very exhausting but i have a few strategies in place now.

Its hard being 'merciful' but God seems to have equipped me for this role as i have no idea how I'm coping. Maybe i'm not lol

Had Bro3 remove some of his clothes from the cupboard in my room (so i can hang my clothes somewhere) - he chipped me for putting a lock on my door & the way i'v rearranged things. It was his room for decades - he moved out to his own place 8yrs ago 😞 He agreed to let me bag the rest up for him, for later, as he's worn out from the all night 'lazorbeam' attacks on him 😕 I'm so tired 😞 He Thinks my eye deterioration is because of these lazors the neighbours / gov conspiracy targetting us as the cause of every single physical complaint we get grr. Pleased to hear him say He thinks he might take dad to lunch for me today, so i can have time out 🙂 wow! I olanned a quiet lunch with a cuz, but said he mightn'ti make it if the neighbours 'attack' him all night...

I 'clicked' better with the discussion topic at Bible Study yesterday 😕

This house, thought mine was bad - so much filth here under the clutter. Literally brown sticky stuff coating kitchen cuboards, like oven grime, what is it? I don't know where to begin with it all. Last night i found the wine corner, emptied & chucked x8 1/2 used bottlez of wine. Wont dare taste... it - so down the sink & into the recycle bin. Mum was the drinker. Keep waiting in fear & trepidation for her to appear and abuse me for touching / moving her 'stuff' - maybe hit / push or throw something... The thoughts / fears make this task so much harder.

Dad is ok, we had lunch out yesterday, hired the electric mobility scooter & off he goes - he lo es it... And he wanted to pay which was really nice. Gives a sense of dignity back, to have his own money - Mum wouldnt let him have any money of his own, cause he loses it or something - my brain would shut down too. But not blaming mum - Dementia is Rife in dads family.

I took dad to the Dr yesterday to ask if dad has enough 'CAPACITY' to sign a will or not? He thinks not but reluctant to put it in writing for the Guardianship Hearing next week- wants me to take dad to the Gerentologist for that... but cant get an apt 'till after the hearing.

HOWEVER - when we got home there was a letter for dad saying his 'guardianship & financial control' hearing (my sister started) has been... dismissed! (thank you God!). I had asked my sister to widthdraw the legal stuff at thisldifficult timebooks like common sense prevails! What a huge weight that's been lifted off my heart when i read those words 🙂

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember08 Mar 2018, 1:34 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Any success getting carer allowance yet @Former-Member

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