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Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember31 Jan 2018, 10:01 pm AEDT

Depression Dementia Dad

Is Dementia Mental Illness? It's a disease of the mind so i'm hoping i still belong here. If not for that - today at the DR he was asked if he gets depression - dad answered "yes I do get depressed" It's hard to read with dad's early vascular dementia.

Around Christmas i moved in with my parents as mum was unable to manage hersef let alone continue as dad's carer. She was end stage cancer and died in hospital palliative care only 19 days after i arrived 😞 I was shocked how sick she became in the 2months since my last three week trip.. My goodness - what a fighter she was. My two younger brothers were dropping in a couple of times a day & helped with transport, bills & shopping - but could not stay in the house.longer than 30min - becoming restless... (probably the MI-Sz / drug related) and they were wearing thin. getting angry.. Mum was so difficult / hurtful during my last stay to help, i was reluctant to come again unless she asked me to. It was hard for her but necessary. The first attempt to drive the 1200km i ran off the road & badly crashed my car - a 'Write Off' Sore bones & shellshot - I had to rest a few days before flew down.

I hit the floor running - household duties, neals & loads of patient reassurance for mum. Even giving her a bell. Wasnt easy looking them both, clearly dad had been neglected for sone time.

I was still in the bad books for reporting him as a medically 'unfit' driver during my last stay. They fought it and gad x2 doctors confer ( why not done before is beyond me).

So here i am, feeling alone with 'toxic family' threatened by my presence, the loss of my mum, a dad in grief, with early vascular dementia, diabetes, heart disease, spinal injury - poor mobility, bad incontinence. Its full on some days. Not just the cleaning up but all the medical appointments. Especially since mum had understandablly got behind on things like optometrist, pidiatrist... even the GP...

Just looking for support as feeling somewhat shattered after only x5 weeks. Big day today.

lapses

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In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

AppleblossomSenior Contributor26 Feb 2018, 10:55 am AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-MemberStill waiting for pics.

What can I say. Maybe because you are YOU and you were a nurse, you feel you have to sort all this stuff out. It sounds as if everybody in your family was seriously damaged. Not easy. I know you are making right decision re Bro and money. Driving past you like that shows he did not really need the lift. There is too much toxicity and game playing. Stay as long as you feel the need, but dont blow your health by pushing Blood Pressure too hard. At least the various workers somewhat acknowledge the huge difficulty of your family dynamics. You will have the memories of your dad keen to go to war service celebration. It is hard and sad when families get that messed up. Thinking how it has happened to mine, including the extended family who think they are normal.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember01 Mar 2018, 6:01 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hey @Former-Member

Hope things continue to improve and that the family will start to come together more.

Have been wondering how you are going with the dog's toilet training - hope there is some improvement in that department.

Things steady here - usual ups and downs of MI without major crisis.

Darcy

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember01 Mar 2018, 10:29 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Oops, sorry for bad edit

@Former-Member, yes, things have improve / srttled down with the siblings. But not without cost, i think my sister will go another 6yrs without speaking to.again, or forever (cause i yelled at her a couple weeks back - which shes telling everyone was abuse :/). Pitty cause we.only recently started communicating again after years.

I just cant be all things to all people. Yes, yelling is not good but neither is what shes been doing. Sucks! I just can't reach my sister's heart through the wall of misunderstandings & Anx. I'm not sure my 'family' will ever come together - i couldn't even get sis & bro1&3 to come to mum&dad's 80th. Bro3&4 came but found out later mum sevretly payed their way cause they 'couldnt afford it" Here i was paying for mum & dad & myself (on a pension) & they cant even carry themself. Bro2 complIned he couldn't get cooperation from sibs to do a 24hr vigil for mum's last days (didnt even ask me).

Apart from living away most my life - i dont understand why they seem so angry with me or dont have time for me. And even actively hostile this time. Really Hurts. But maybe God has pulled them away to go ve me a break.

Ha ha, the dog's toilet training solution has been to evict them overnight. So much better. Found a big plastic kennel & couch seat at a roadside pickup. Shoved mum's blanket & jumper in there & they're coming to terms with thT (know their place). Its goodothey have each other. Stopped barking now too. Still gotta watch the little male dog & let tgem out every hour through the day, but being outside tge back door works.

"ups and downs of MI without major crisis" sounds close to normal Darcy, a good thing i guess - but still hard i imagine.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember02 Mar 2018, 10:27 am AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

The nurses were running too late today - so i had yo top&tail dad & rush him out the door with a packed snack for B'fast. Don't know why my alarm didnt go off (must get my old blackberry out). Tried to ring a couple friends for a chat - but no answer. Trying to work out what to do with my 'me' time while dad out. 4hrs left, any ideas?

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember02 Mar 2018, 10:33 am AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member "me time" sounds lovely.

What kind of things speak to you as a part of "me time?"

Personally I usually opt for a pedicure, massage, walk in nature, coffee date alone or with a friend 🙂

What kind of things are you tossinga round? 🙂

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember02 Mar 2018, 10:37 am AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hi @Former-Member, water comes to mind but nothing close. Maybe a massage if not too late - or maybe a sleep... But out of the house could be good.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember02 Mar 2018, 10:49 am AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Yes I love water too @Former-Member 🙂

I wonder if there are any walk in massage options near you? Like the chinese medicine massage places?

Are you feeling tired? Perhaps you could try and blanace some time out and about along with a rest where you can lay down and listen to some soothing music such as ocean or rainforest sounds?

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember02 Mar 2018, 11:26 am AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member
Hair wash at hairdresser? Coffee and a muffin?

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember02 Mar 2018, 11:33 am AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Um, yes, a massage would require taking a shower lol Wish i lived near a river to go walking by the water. I have decided to chill at home 'WITHOUT DISTRACTIONS!" This is the first time i can remember relaxing in this house (re mum's untreated MI & alcoholism) - terrible to say that now she's died recently - but its true - there was no relaxing or fun in this house, not even as a child, not that i can remember... But i do miss mum still, not sure what. It started last week (being alone here with daf out) i started processing the loss i guess. If that makes sense... Massages and walks... Are short brief things i can do to break up my day with dad. He is ok alone for short periods.

Does that sound balanced @Former-Member?

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor02 Mar 2018, 1:10 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Foot massage doesn’t need a shower first @Former-Member .... if you want you can run your feet under the tap outside, maybe with a bit of liquid soap ..... then away you go ..... ❣️

Like cooling or warming the feet, a foot massage makes the rest of you feel better too. Same with a neck and shoulders massage, if you can manage it (sometimes too painful if there is a truckload of tension in there) ..... and remember to drink lots of water across the day afterwards or you can get headachey from it.

🌻🧡

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