Depression Dementia Dad

Officially broken, thank you

Puts me closer to God

@Former-Member

Holding you along with other forum friends @Owlunar @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope @outlander

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@Former-Member wrote:

Officially broken, thank you

Puts me closer to God

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Hard, but true. Lots of love. xx

Dad has a cardiologist apt Wed. What a Hassel getting facility to take him. They rang this arvo saying an escort will cost $30hr 😕 Well, what choice do I have. Got it all organised - then Bro4 puts his hand up to do it. Wander if he'll demand petrol money (like he did with mum all the time). Told them I'll be back in 10days if she needs reschedule 'till then. Bro2 has been causing trouble with staff already, telling them I'm 'unwell' (a 'nut job'), Fortunately they seem to see through it as I spent the first x4 days with dad there, sometimes twice. It was so hard. Felt like I was abandoning him. Now I probably will. I don't have to strength to take on NCAT Odered burecrats as well as the bullyBro2, vindictive sis & bro3&4 drug problems. Not to mention dad forgetting who i am, what I've done half the time. And dont involve him with troubling details of conflicts, he's past understanding it all. Such a no win sityation. Who needs this catastrophic train wreck of a family? Mum's MI did this - not me. Dad doted over her her, covered for her all the time.
Hey, did I tell you bro2 told tribunal dad has 'Stockholm' when dad said he "didn't want to ever have to ask for help from bro2. Never saw that coming. Here dad is in Res Respite and I'm being accused of holding dad prisoner 😕 Hope they can see through this crap. And my sis, at the tribunal she actually admitted to manipulating mum in writing the WILL the week mum died. Sis said mum was suppose to put her down as dad's 'guardian' in the will, but she got it mixed up and put 'carer' I couldn't believe my ears. If only you could see how very sick and vulnerable mum was that last week of her life. I'm disgusted! And hows that got anything to do with dads welfare? Mor like about the hatred twd me,getting rid of me - so confused what i ever did 😞 Sibling rilvery. And go figure, the only person actually willing to be carer / housekeeper is me. But Now
I dread going back even more, scared of bro2 actually, he's being so irrational, but I must try stand tall in my integrity. Maybe I'll have more energy when I wind up here.

Oh, soooo tired :(.

@Former-Member

I am holding onto hope for you. Am listening and praying.

@Former-Member, I've had many times when I've felt "broken hearted" myself on one level or another. It's been ongoing for way too long in recent times. Everyone's feeling of brokenness is different, so we can't exactly know what it's like for someone else, but yes, God is nearer to the broken heart.

Have been praying for you lots.

@Former-Member

Oh gee @Former-Member

You asked the most important question there

"Who needs this catastrophic train wreck of a family?"

Going back is going to be really hard for you and you know this already - and no one can tell you what the best thing for you is - only you can do that and it is really hard

Your siblings are a really weird mob - no doubt of that and did you ever think that your depression might have started when your Mum and her MI meant you were the "adult" at a very young age and had a lot of pressure on you? - and yes - your Dad enabled all of that and now the house is tumbling down and you are at a cross-roads in your own life

I think I wrote before that you can always back out - I don't think it seems as if your bully brother 2 and the other two brothers can be relied on in any way and they are not going to be easy in any way and your sister - like mine - is toxic and she has admitted to trying to influence your mother in the last days - it is all so confusing

So I think - ask yourself what you will do if you do walk away - how will you feel? will it be better?

I can tell you this - the day I walked away from my mother - and my toxic sister was holding all the control with that and I let her for my own sake - but yeah

I told my mother she had driven me away all my life and I was not going back and didn't and when she died my sister tried to hang a guilt trip on me but it didn't stick - I wouldn't wear it.

It was tough when she died though

But the part I want to share - the down-side of walking away was that every bloody morning I would ask myself if I would visit my mother and every bloody time I told myself I would not and every night I was glad I hadn't and I was soooooo glad that was over when she died - and no - after the way I was treated I did not feel bad about staying away at all

So ask yourself how you would feel about this if you did walk away from it

I so wish I was there with you Lapses - it would be hard work caring for your Dad without your sniping brothers - that's important - and I have no idea where you can seek help about some kind of intervention

I could say to give it time and hope it will ease off after all the court stuff - maybe it will - I only wish the best for you and you are going through a terribly hard time right now

Sending more love and hugs and whatever thoughts help

Dec