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Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember31 Jan 2018, 10:01 pm AEDT

Depression Dementia Dad

Is Dementia Mental Illness? It's a disease of the mind so i'm hoping i still belong here. If not for that - today at the DR he was asked if he gets depression - dad answered "yes I do get depressed" It's hard to read with dad's early vascular dementia.

Around Christmas i moved in with my parents as mum was unable to manage hersef let alone continue as dad's carer. She was end stage cancer and died in hospital palliative care only 19 days after i arrived 😞 I was shocked how sick she became in the 2months since my last three week trip.. My goodness - what a fighter she was. My two younger brothers were dropping in a couple of times a day & helped with transport, bills & shopping - but could not stay in the house.longer than 30min - becoming restless... (probably the MI-Sz / drug related) and they were wearing thin. getting angry.. Mum was so difficult / hurtful during my last stay to help, i was reluctant to come again unless she asked me to. It was hard for her but necessary. The first attempt to drive the 1200km i ran off the road & badly crashed my car - a 'Write Off' Sore bones & shellshot - I had to rest a few days before flew down.

I hit the floor running - household duties, neals & loads of patient reassurance for mum. Even giving her a bell. Wasnt easy looking them both, clearly dad had been neglected for sone time.

I was still in the bad books for reporting him as a medically 'unfit' driver during my last stay. They fought it and gad x2 doctors confer ( why not done before is beyond me).

So here i am, feeling alone with 'toxic family' threatened by my presence, the loss of my mum, a dad in grief, with early vascular dementia, diabetes, heart disease, spinal injury - poor mobility, bad incontinence. Its full on some days. Not just the cleaning up but all the medical appointments. Especially since mum had understandablly got behind on things like optometrist, pidiatrist... even the GP...

Just looking for support as feeling somewhat shattered after only x5 weeks. Big day today.

lapses

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In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

SmcSenior Contributor10 Sept 2018, 1:27 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member, does the public guardian actually care for the person they're assigned to, or do they ensure that a carer is in place if needed? If it's the latter, they may either involve a third person as a paid carer, or place your Dad in a permanent aged care place, if there is no day to day care being provided by family members.

This point is an unfamiliar one to me, but wondering if it's something you need to find out about?

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember10 Sept 2018, 5:48 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Good point @Smc, I am carer, if I bail one of my drug adic brothers will move in (for money), or try to, which will put dad at risk. Public Guardian are not carers, they don't provide 24hr 'in home carers' (only suckers like me do that). So, I've arranged with the Residential facility he's in (for respite stay), to increase his time to 60 days by which time Public Guardian should have hopefully been appointed.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Shaz51Senior Contributor10 Sept 2018, 8:31 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

I am carer for my mum too sis @Former-Member xxxx

Hello @Smc, @Owlunar, @Former-Member, @outlander

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Shaz51Senior Contributor10 Sept 2018, 8:45 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

thinking of you lots my @Former-Member xoxoxox

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

SmcSenior Contributor10 Sept 2018, 8:51 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Shaz51@Former-Member, my sister and I are kind of in the opposite position- we're guardians/power of attornies for both our parents, but because they're in an aged care home, not officially their carers. Being carers as well would not be possible for either of us.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember10 Sept 2018, 9:05 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

I hear you @Smc, and @Shaz51. I think you can be a 'carer' and not LIVE with the carer (is that a word?) which is what you do i think Shaz51? My dad is at risk living alone.
Normally, people appoint their own enduring guardian and POA but my parents didn't, didn't even do a proper will and dad is no longer capable of understanding a simple bank statement,vor the Guardianship letter just sent to him (drr, I'm so not impressed with NCAT processes, poor dad, these ppl are not welcome in my family and that I will make very clear). Bit like when family court ordered me to let my girl have access alone with her father when Child Safety investigations found her 'at risk of sexual harm' OMG, just realised why this whole thing has distressed me so. Need to withdraw, sorry, I'm so crazy mad. Sorry I've taken it out on tge wrong people, and become so unlovable. Its suck a messed up world

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor10 Sept 2018, 9:25 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

💓💓💓 @Former-Member ....

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

SmcSenior Contributor10 Sept 2018, 9:52 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hey @Former-Member, if anyone's good at telling the difference between distressed and unloveable, it's probably us forum-ites. Consider us to have "broad shoulders". x

My Mum is still mentally competent. My Dad isn't any more. If we hadn't got POA sorted when we did, we may have missed our window. The catalyst for getting it done was when my Dad had a health scare and needed to be admitted to a "big city" hospital. Looking over his diabetes record book and other household "clues" after they went into aged care, he seems to have declined after the hospital stay, and probably at that point crossed the line between competent and not.

I'm sad to hear what happened to your daughter. Please consider though, this guardianship arrangement is a different situation. They may not be the uncaring pen pushers you think they are. Your best chance for seeing your father well cared for is quite likely to be working with them, not against them.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember11 Sept 2018, 12:47 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

You're 400% right @Smc, and a 'person' talks to me... of cause I'll put on my 'professional' face for them. They don't know dad, and he can't communicate well, so they'll be 'guessing' what he wants... Well, you know. What might be more helpful is hearing from carers who actualluactually have had Public Guardian tell them what's best for their loved oneone, and how they coped with that.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Shaz51Senior Contributor11 Sept 2018, 7:31 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

I think you can be a 'carer' and not LIVE with the carer (is that a word?) which is what you do i think Shaz51?-- yes true @Former-Member,, I think full time carers should get lots more

I have not been approved yet as carer and my mum is back in hospital again for the last week

also my mum and MIL are both deterating , and I am doing more and more with my mum

hugs @Former-Member, @Smc

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

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