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Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember31 Jan 2018, 10:01 pm AEDT

Depression Dementia Dad

Is Dementia Mental Illness? It's a disease of the mind so i'm hoping i still belong here. If not for that - today at the DR he was asked if he gets depression - dad answered "yes I do get depressed" It's hard to read with dad's early vascular dementia.

Around Christmas i moved in with my parents as mum was unable to manage hersef let alone continue as dad's carer. She was end stage cancer and died in hospital palliative care only 19 days after i arrived 😞 I was shocked how sick she became in the 2months since my last three week trip.. My goodness - what a fighter she was. My two younger brothers were dropping in a couple of times a day & helped with transport, bills & shopping - but could not stay in the house.longer than 30min - becoming restless... (probably the MI-Sz / drug related) and they were wearing thin. getting angry.. Mum was so difficult / hurtful during my last stay to help, i was reluctant to come again unless she asked me to. It was hard for her but necessary. The first attempt to drive the 1200km i ran off the road & badly crashed my car - a 'Write Off' Sore bones & shellshot - I had to rest a few days before flew down.

I hit the floor running - household duties, neals & loads of patient reassurance for mum. Even giving her a bell. Wasnt easy looking them both, clearly dad had been neglected for sone time.

I was still in the bad books for reporting him as a medically 'unfit' driver during my last stay. They fought it and gad x2 doctors confer ( why not done before is beyond me).

So here i am, feeling alone with 'toxic family' threatened by my presence, the loss of my mum, a dad in grief, with early vascular dementia, diabetes, heart disease, spinal injury - poor mobility, bad incontinence. Its full on some days. Not just the cleaning up but all the medical appointments. Especially since mum had understandablly got behind on things like optometrist, pidiatrist... even the GP...

Just looking for support as feeling somewhat shattered after only x5 weeks. Big day today.

lapses

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In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor07 Sept 2018, 11:09 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

All so hurtful and confusing when you have been doing such an excellent job @Former-Member .... but it will show up. The care you have been taking of your Dad will be obvious, and it will be just as obvious what a vindictive lot of family you have been up against.

Keep taking care of you Hon. Having a hot choc here now, if you wanna make one too .....

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

OwlunarSenior Contributor08 Sept 2018, 7:44 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Sending hugs @Former-Member

I'll say it again - your dad is better off with you - and yes - your parents could have got things in order before the sky fell but they didn't and you are left with the flack

Thinking of you - I'm flying back to Melbourne today so I will be off-line until really late

I care a lot about you and think you are doing a fantastic job - I haven't read most of the threads you have but I did some catching up this morning - really hard work for you

Dec

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember08 Sept 2018, 7:59 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Thanks @Owlunar @Faith-and-Hope & all, burst into tears that you care, with a visual, bringing hot choc. I'm struggling not knowing what to believe about myself. Outsiders will never know what's been sacrificed or endured in my caring for dad. He was happy. I did 'pride' myself in that, and how he's health improved... Maybe I got too 'proud' and God used them to bring me down a peg. When ppl look for wrongs so hard - they'll always find something. It was bad enough being criticised by the ugly siblings, now them. Why would I put myself through more of that (by taking dad back home and continuing to be his 24/7 carer?), trouble is "damned if you do - damned if you don't". If I put myself first and walk away - I've abandoned him. If I go back I have to 'spoon feed' a 9-5 stranger everything they need to take over. All my hard work pulling it together (mum had understandably lost the plot), Gosh that was hard, and oh yeah - my mother had died, hello. But if I withdraw from caring for dad - this is what the ugly siblings want & in that sense have 'won' As their big sister (childhood sarogate mum because mum & her MI never did coped with so many babiesbabies...), as the big sis I learned never to let the 'todfler' win.

No, my absence is not what's best for dad, but being there is not what's best for me.

See what happens when you love someone, and slog ya guts out convincing them not to give up and 'everything will be OK' (because I'll make sure it is...), then I do it... for almost a year...

Dad was so scared when mum died, I felt it, and saw it in his eyes, and I literally carried him through. I needed to, its who I am.

Rambling on again... I guess i will just wipe away the tears, get up and keep packing my life up.

There's a chch person frequenting (unusual) I've given her lots of things, now she wants my beautiful sewing machine. She wants to buy this one. I had hoped to do more sewing - maybe I won't. I don't know what to say to her, or if just to let everything go. Vultures 😞 Blackdog says I'm gonna die soon anyway.. I just don't know anymore. Doesn't feel like I'm gonna make it. I'm trying, really hard...

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

OwlunarSenior Contributor08 Sept 2018, 8:33 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Aw - I hear you @Former-Member

Damned if you do and damned if you don't - what a hard place to be in!

Don't sell your sewing machine unless you want to -

You are in such a dark place right now - I am thinking of you

Dec

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember08 Sept 2018, 9:12 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Yep, lost in the dark, that's where bad things happen. Just keep lighting a candle for me. I lost my matches.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

OwlunarSenior Contributor08 Sept 2018, 9:32 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Why sit in the darkness when we can all light a candle for you

Hearing you @Former-Member - it won't last forever - hold on tight to your faith

Your family might think they have won if you leave sis - but you are not competing so they can't win and you can't lose -

As toddlers you had to keep them in line - now they are adults with bad behaviour along with their MI - different though - much harder - but you have learned so much along the way

At the bottom line sis - do what is best for you - you can always back out of this - it's really hard - I know

How I wish I could be with you as you go through all of this - it must be so tough - being so alone

Dec