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Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember31 Jan 2018, 10:01 pm AEDT

Depression Dementia Dad

Is Dementia Mental Illness? It's a disease of the mind so i'm hoping i still belong here. If not for that - today at the DR he was asked if he gets depression - dad answered "yes I do get depressed" It's hard to read with dad's early vascular dementia.

Around Christmas i moved in with my parents as mum was unable to manage hersef let alone continue as dad's carer. She was end stage cancer and died in hospital palliative care only 19 days after i arrived 😞 I was shocked how sick she became in the 2months since my last three week trip.. My goodness - what a fighter she was. My two younger brothers were dropping in a couple of times a day & helped with transport, bills & shopping - but could not stay in the house.longer than 30min - becoming restless... (probably the MI-Sz / drug related) and they were wearing thin. getting angry.. Mum was so difficult / hurtful during my last stay to help, i was reluctant to come again unless she asked me to. It was hard for her but necessary. The first attempt to drive the 1200km i ran off the road & badly crashed my car - a 'Write Off' Sore bones & shellshot - I had to rest a few days before flew down.

I hit the floor running - household duties, neals & loads of patient reassurance for mum. Even giving her a bell. Wasnt easy looking them both, clearly dad had been neglected for sone time.

I was still in the bad books for reporting him as a medically 'unfit' driver during my last stay. They fought it and gad x2 doctors confer ( why not done before is beyond me).

So here i am, feeling alone with 'toxic family' threatened by my presence, the loss of my mum, a dad in grief, with early vascular dementia, diabetes, heart disease, spinal injury - poor mobility, bad incontinence. Its full on some days. Not just the cleaning up but all the medical appointments. Especially since mum had understandablly got behind on things like optometrist, pidiatrist... even the GP...

Just looking for support as feeling somewhat shattered after only x5 weeks. Big day today.

lapses

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In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember11 Aug 2018, 8:46 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hi @ Darcy, thanks for asking. How are you? I haven't had time or energy to go reading all over the forums, on my tiny mobile, keeping up. So hope u & hubby OK.

Its been a rollercoaster week and I'm so tired. Selling my house is an untimely necessity, my siblings continue making things harder than lighter and to be honest, it felt I nearly broke. But somehow have woke slightly refreshed today so maybe its true "God doesn't give us more than we can handle"

What complicated things this week is having THE TALK WITH DAD about going into RRC - Residential Respite Care. Its hard knowing his level of understanding but at least now, after two recent falls, he accepts that he can't be here alone. He totally 'gets' that I'm selling my house way up in Qld, found a buyer and need to go empty it very soon (though contract still subject to finance which is in the bag they say). "Of cause" he said when I asked if he understands. BUT... Dad asked me to ask Bro2 & wife if they could take him in for a couple of weeks.

Reluctantly I sent tx to bro2, and his wife, with dad's request. She wanted to but deferred to hubby & of cause, he sent off ambivolenr msgs, demanded all dads information and the keys to this house and within the hour had Bro4 standing in front of me declaring "I can stay here & mind dad, I was on call before mum died, you don't have to put him into residential care..." 😞

Delicate situation with bro4's Sz MI, drugs, bad finances, temper, recent conflict with neighbour involving police and his MH case manager...

__________

Bro2 & wife palmed off dad's request to stay at their place - thinks the 'unemployed' brothers should do more... Ye.... right... Doesn't matter that

- BRO-1 is confined to a wheelchair with MS

- BRO-3 is on CTO antipsychotics injections for Sz, gambles, smokes dope, always broke (I had to leave dad on his own and drive round my spare asthma spray to him Tues pm re asthma attack (how could I not when my girl died from asthma 😞 )

- BRO-4 also on CTO for Sz with a MH case manager, smokes dope, disowned his own children, borrows money from dad every fortnight...

Yep, BRO-2 thinks they (me included) faking MI for 'welfare' Yep, good old Bro2 might manage his own life well, even his one man business, but as far as being a 'brother' - what a disappointment! And, why can't dad stay with him & his wife while I go sort my house a couple a weeks! ......

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember11 Aug 2018, 9:04 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Will send up a few extras re: wisdom @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

DeterminedSenior Contributor11 Aug 2018, 9:07 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member

Thinking of you and praying also.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember11 Aug 2018, 9:18 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Thanks @Former-Member & @Determined.

& @Appleblossom - thanks for this msg below (c&p from other thread). Know you've lived this. Just knowing you 'know' helps me not feel so alone. TankU:)
"Lapses, You have so much on with that family of yours. You need the skills of a UN diplomat for those brothers. I believe the polarisation in attitudes can contribute to the development of mental illness, but thats not to blame the "healthy" more functional one. It probably meant that there was not a caring village around helping to raise you all.
I had a similar conflict between my rich and poor brothers. Tried to bridge it, but no use. Rich brother matured and understood by the end, but too late. He also did the best with what he knew. I can be more philosophical about it now. For many years my brain and insides just screamed with the anguish of it all. Apple"

Sorry you've had to go through it too 😞

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember12 Aug 2018, 5:24 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Daily living needs do take proriety.

Yesterday I prepared

- 3 meals & cuppa breaks

- washed, hung, folded & bought in x4 loads washing (all dad's inc the many towels).

- entertained a very loud new friend who dropped in for coffee 😮

- spoke with Bro4 who feels under attack by demons, processed neighbours and spiritual forces 😞
- Helped dad change (incontinent), he'll need to again before bed.
- took dad out for coffee
- grabbed essential groceries
- made bedbeds
- check BSL (12.8) 😞
- gave night pills
...
It's never ending.
...
GOOD NEWS IS - on his way to bed, using his new walker tray trolley, dad grabbed some of his clothes and put them away himself :). He even folded the singlets. I followed him with the rest of his washing, a full basket folded, and he not only put it all away but came back out for a cuppa.
Then...
He announced he's going to bed, managed to change all by himself (me monitoring from a distance), and lifted those legs himself into bed 🙂
I'm officially impressed! 🙂

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember12 Aug 2018, 8:03 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

That is impressive @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Shaz51Senior Contributor12 Aug 2018, 12:55 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

That is impressive @lapses

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

AppleblossomSenior Contributor12 Aug 2018, 8:01 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Glad your dad felt up to doing some things for himself. @Former-Member

Its another of the strains of caring... how much to do ... or let them do.

Its daily and ongoing, but glad you had time for some cuppas!

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Shaz51Senior Contributor13 Aug 2018, 3:59 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member, how is today going my friend

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember13 Aug 2018, 6:11 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

YIKES! Just booked dad into RESPITE (residential care), for two weeks AND talked him into seeing it as a good thing, as a temporary measure while I go empty my house. He even said "I mght like it and want to stay there" I told him "its an option if he likes" Oh my heart's racing, I'm shaking. Trying mindfulness to settle myself, the mind is racing (anxiety really high), need support. So much to do. Help! lol. @Shaz51 @Appleblossom. @Former-Member @Determined @Owlunar @Faith-and-hope, @Smc,, @Outlander, anyone interested ...

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