Depression Dementia Dad

Thanks @Wanna, that blanket email was helpful, not, You have a job to do but I'm not imminently suicidal or in crisis. Thanks anyway.
@BlueBay, thanks for sharing your story. Think I remember it actually. You struggled with it. And yes, i can see you understand. What's really hard for me with such life stress is always feeling so alone. Its not fair.
@outlander, yes I have had a formal diagnosis of BPD, after my first breakdown. But my last amazing psychologist said its an 'unhelpful' label and she sees 'trauma' with a capital 'T' and prefers the diagnosis cPTSD. So, i guess it depends if one requires funding which comes under the DSM guidelines. My last hospital admission 2011 also used BPD Depression / Anxiety label (even though i was clearly in the early stages of Complex Grief & menapause as well, drrr!!!). There's a lot of stigma among professionals against clients / consumers (hate that label too), who suffer BPD. Also, i wad shattered as one of my psychiatristpsychiatrists told me "there's not much we can do for people with your condition...".
I HATE LABELS!
I want a smoke

I had to think about my reply @Former-Member - actually one reason I am sticking with you are not running away is because I had MI,SI,SH and SA right in my face with my son and I stuck with him when I didn't understand and I will be here for you because I care. I have had severe depression for years in the past and all the circumstances from that time in my life have left me with PTSD.

There are things in my past I don't want to think about anymore let alone write about.

Regardless - I accept who you are and I care about who you are and I know you have things stacked against you really high and hard and it would be hard to understand why anyone would love you when it seems to me that no one in your off-line life does - and that's really rough and tough - but I do love you.

And we all have our gifts and I am prepared to go into grief and that might be my strong point

It's high time I went to bed tonight but I will be around tomorrow

Dec

@Former-Member I really feel for you and the pain in your whole family. My heart feels shattered for you all, as it does regarding my own situation. Sorry I am useless about this.

I cant take sides, there is too much water under the bridge.

I cannot tell you which way to go with your house or your father, or how to treat your siblings, or judge them.

I often see different people being championed and a big deal made about how special they are, and others put down.

I will pray for you all tonight, but I have said as much as I believe is good and right in the situation.

You have plenty of support.here.

@Former-Memberi have BPD too and i know others who have it like @BlueBay and @Sans911. there are a few threads too with BPD support. it doesnt mean your a lost cause! did anyone suggest to you DBT? did they suggest for you to contact the BPD foundation? there are therapists who specialise i guess in personality disorders, and whilst no i dont think you can ever get rid of bpd you can learn to manage more effectiveley.
i understand the constant SI, SH urges and the overwhelmingness of emotions and uncontrolled well many many things.

i dont find labels all that helpful either however it explained alot of whats happening for me. i have C-PTSD too but it wasnt adding up to some of the other things.

Feeling alone makes things even more complicated. When we dont have that family support knwoing where to turn makes things tricky like worrying about what to do and where to turn in regards to your dad and needing to leave to sort out your house. it would be hard for your dad to understand as well and the pressure really shouldnt be only on you to be helping him out. i think i read before that your families similar to mine where they like to bi++h and whine but they dont want to help either. That isnt your fault.

When caring for someone with high needs and from home it also makes the social life even harder to maintain and often becomes non-existant. when we loose friends its hard to make new ones due to the isolating nature of caring from home.

Perhaps regular short stay respites would be beneficial for you, not only for your physical health but also so you can start to breathe just abit more and be able to join up with some interests groups to start becoming a little less isolated. Baby steps though.

Dont give up on yourself @Former-Member you are worth much much more than you may think

You have your faith Lapses

All I have is my experience and my words @Former-Member - and together we have a shared faith

Dec

I am glad you were fine with my restrained response. @Former-Member

My heart was really aching last night for my own reasons and I had my own SI. I was very weary, although nothing had gone wrong.

I read your post, and it did not hit a nerve, but I could resonate so much...

yet how can anyone else know the right thing to do ...

I really do not believe I have the right to say what another should do. It would have been better for my parenting if I had clearer sense of taking authority, but I am what I am, ...

My hope is

is through sharing a bit, and letting the air blow through the sharing of experiences ..

and letting it settle

that I hope some clarity comes through for you in how to manage things.

Yours is a complicated situation. You cant solve it all. Blaming sucks our energy, but is often a natural stage we pass through ...I did pray for your family and will continue to ... was concerned you were alright.

Lovely to see your post this morning.

Apple

How are things going @Former-Member