Depression Dementia Dad

I don't know about old dogs @outlander but I have an old cat and she is clever plus - the older she gets is smarter she gets and sneakier she gets and demanding - I started calling her Queen Victoria because she has become really tyrannical lately

And I am still learning - atm I am watching them construct a huge bridge in Norway - and before that - I can believe this but the task! - they are pulling the clock tower of Big Ben in London down to repair the corroding steel and for a few years they have to stop the bell because the hearing of the workers on the clock tower would have damaged hearing

I soak up trivial information like a sponge - and retain it - but I am into Danielle Steel books that are about the disasters rich people have - oh the clothes and oh the disasters and the childbirth and agony - but always they resolve into a happy ending - I wonder where she gets all those plots from

So yes - I have known you for getting on for 2 years now I think - I first spoke to you when you had a badly infected breast - I remember that day well

And you may still feel up to your neck in water but you are a lot better than you were - you are learning to live a tough life with a dysfunstional family - and this is our choice - learn to live with them or walk away from them - or wait until we are ready to do that

But even then - we don't have to do it all at once

cya

Dec

Hi @Owlunar @outlander @Appleblossom @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope, and all... Thanks for checking in. It feels like I've been really busy yet often seems I've not got much done. Perhaps that's the nature of caring for someone... ya constantly dropping what you're doing to care for them... Sir sorry I've not been on forums much.

I'm worried about dad's steady decline, especially cognitively. Yesterday I heard him telling his shower nurse I was his sister. The last couple days he's been asking "how long have we been in this place for?". He often thinks I'm mum 😞

Bro4 asked the other day " how k ng do you think he's got? Unfortunately I think every last one of them just want him out of the way to their share of the estate. Very sad. God knows they're not around otherwise

I'm feeling guilty that I'm gonna have to put dad in respite to go sort my house 😞 I'm worried he's gonna go backwards. Wanted to do it in short increments but worried won't go back so wondering if one whole month - that should be enoughenough focused time to finish up emptying the house for good. Very sad. But dad will miss meme (I've become his lifeboat) and its really worrying me. I know I have the right to 'get on with my life' but its like i'll unravel all the the good I've done here for him by going away. Its just this house is a noose around my neck I have to let go of and this is the first genuine offer in a year its been on the market - I have to take it. But the 'how to' for dad. Wish family were more supportive.

Last night, just up the road, the preso chch hall had an old hymn sing along & soup night. Told ## & ## were waiting for us and he was happy to get up, with help to change, and go out. it all flowed and those who knew dad & mum came and spoke to him, and i think he remembered faces, and for a brief moment I felt "this is how it should be". (Oh dear, tears welling upup typing it), it was good for the soul.

Quietly listen to your heart and conscience and you will make good choices. Using your mind to make the best choices is an affirmation of life. Your son will benefit from knowing you are functioning well. The cycle of death is inescapable, people prepare for it in different ways and grieve in different ways.

Your dad has had a good innings and a loving daughter. You cannot prevent the inevitable.

@Former-Member

Hi @Former-Member

hugs lovely ❤️

I reallyfeel for you I totally understand. My mother in law lived with us for 20 yrs snd about 2 yrs ago she was diagnosed with denentia. We tried to keep her home but it was too difficult. She would go shopping snd get lost and then hubby would get a call from a stranger to say they had his Mum. We first put her in fir respite. We told her we were going on a holiday and that she couldn’t stay home alone in fear of falling over. It took weeks to agree. She eventually loved it. A few months later she fell at home and we were at work. Found her in her room in pain. From hospital we told her doctor that we couldn’t have her come back home as we have stairs and she couldn’t see properly snd her dementia wasn’t good. We had a meeting with her and her doctor a social worker and it was decided that she would return to the nursing home where she went fir respite.

It was the hardest decision ever. I cried fir days feeling very guilty. My husband the only child and family was quiet but worried and stressed.

Even my psych said to me when I was in hospital that caring fir her was affecting my mental health dramatically and something had to be done. We also had our 3 children st home at the time.

Now she is still there. Her dementia is deteriorating which we know is part of her age and the illness.

I just wanted to tell you about what we did. It was very very hard to do. But looking back we know she is safe, looked after, fed, bathed - something we couldn’t do at home.

Thinking of you at this difficult time fir you.

And also I understand the sh when having BPD.

take care my friend ❤️❤️❤️