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Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember31 Jan 2018, 10:01 pm AEDT

Depression Dementia Dad

Is Dementia Mental Illness? It's a disease of the mind so i'm hoping i still belong here. If not for that - today at the DR he was asked if he gets depression - dad answered "yes I do get depressed" It's hard to read with dad's early vascular dementia.

Around Christmas i moved in with my parents as mum was unable to manage hersef let alone continue as dad's carer. She was end stage cancer and died in hospital palliative care only 19 days after i arrived 😞 I was shocked how sick she became in the 2months since my last three week trip.. My goodness - what a fighter she was. My two younger brothers were dropping in a couple of times a day & helped with transport, bills & shopping - but could not stay in the house.longer than 30min - becoming restless... (probably the MI-Sz / drug related) and they were wearing thin. getting angry.. Mum was so difficult / hurtful during my last stay to help, i was reluctant to come again unless she asked me to. It was hard for her but necessary. The first attempt to drive the 1200km i ran off the road & badly crashed my car - a 'Write Off' Sore bones & shellshot - I had to rest a few days before flew down.

I hit the floor running - household duties, neals & loads of patient reassurance for mum. Even giving her a bell. Wasnt easy looking them both, clearly dad had been neglected for sone time.

I was still in the bad books for reporting him as a medically 'unfit' driver during my last stay. They fought it and gad x2 doctors confer ( why not done before is beyond me).

So here i am, feeling alone with 'toxic family' threatened by my presence, the loss of my mum, a dad in grief, with early vascular dementia, diabetes, heart disease, spinal injury - poor mobility, bad incontinence. Its full on some days. Not just the cleaning up but all the medical appointments. Especially since mum had understandablly got behind on things like optometrist, pidiatrist... even the GP...

Just looking for support as feeling somewhat shattered after only x5 weeks. Big day today.

lapses

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In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember11 Mar 2018, 3:25 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Reeeeeealy flat today, if i'm not moving i feel numb / lifeless so tired. Just heard dad potter in & out of the toot - to tired to go check he's cleaned up ok. I'm worried blackdog might win again. Having urges to run away yet feel trapped.

Couldn't face ppl & go to Church today. Stayed home.

Bro2 rang dad (dad can answer now i found a better phone), bro was good with him though he made a point of telling dad to get out of the house, go outside... (bro2 knows its a hazard for dad to walk around outside without supervision re uneaven ground, balance and mobility issues grr)

I hope i dont fall into despaire, trying to buffer the sibling crap, it hurts though, being left out, being ganged up on. Ignoring it is probably the best strategy as tryi g to talk seems to only fuel their bazaar agenda. What did i ever do wrong to them?

I'm 60 in 2wks

Yes, guess it is a good thing i do for dad. I'm not sure he cognitively values what i givej- or just expects it... But i am pleased with myself i guess, that i could have this time with him & lesson the darkness in his Valley of the shadow of Death. At lradt he's acknowledhing me as his daughter more often.

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor11 Mar 2018, 4:01 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hi @Adge ......

You will often find @Former-Member here .....,

👋

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

AdgeSenior Contributor11 Mar 2018, 4:18 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Oh Thank you @Faith-and-Hope I did not know that this is where @Former-Member writes.

There are so many (bazillions) of threads & topics - that I often don't find them & don't know that they exist.

Until someone tags me in, of course...

Adge

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember11 Mar 2018, 4:25 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member .... putting one foot in front of the other is a hard slog at times. Sending gentle thoughts your way.

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember11 Mar 2018, 7:44 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Welcome @Adge, if you tap a contributer's name, when its blue, it's a link to the threads theyre active on. Mum's birds are calling for their arvo feed. Wild birds - doces & rainbow lorekeets. I think of you with the birds.
Lost my emoji app Adge 😞
Sounds like you have similar dramas with family as i'm going through. But don't think I've known anyone who'se made false Elder Abuse allegations. I dont understand my earth siblings - gonna have to cut them loose - Not family, never were as adults i don't believe.

"You'll know them by their friuit!"

Had a church friend pop in this arvo. Looking after me - had a good talk, blurted things out & prayed with her. Lovely lady - lovely little church, better than any of the the ones back home. This main stream church looks after each other.

"they'll know you are Christians by your love"

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember11 Mar 2018, 8:01 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

mohill said"
"Hello @Former-Member, I feel so sad for you... I read about your current situation and cannot believe what you are going through.. Your unwell brothers ... was very hard to read... your sister well I am just speechless... Your dad defending you would have been good for you to hear... Sending you loving thoughts For calmer times ahead... Your dad will be feeling such deep love and respect... so proud that he has you as a daughter... Take care dearest lapses.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

AdgeSenior Contributor11 Mar 2018, 8:33 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

I never thought of looking that up @Former-Member Thanks for reminding me.

It sounds so rough what you're going through.

Siblings can be so nasty, I just don't understand why (or how).

I have little contact with my brothers, which makes me very sad.

I have not spoken to the brother who used to be closest to me, in over 12 months.

He never makes the effort, & I don't have the energy (or will) to keep on contacting him - when it's never reciprocated (he doesn't seem to care).

I'm the oldest of 5.

I'm still thinking of you lapses, even though I don't write or say much.

Adge

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

AppleblossomSenior Contributor11 Mar 2018, 9:09 pm AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Just saying hello @Former-Member

love your little touches of wry humour re your mum & dad.

Yeah sisters irl can be a disappointment.

Be prepared to self protect like F&H suggests.

glad you have had company on this thread.

Take care

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember12 Mar 2018, 5:14 am AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Not sure on the HOW to self protect. Im normally an open book & get blindsided every time. But i am working on this, somehow...

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember12 Mar 2018, 8:38 am AEDT

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hey @Former-Member

Setting boundaries can be difficult and clear communication is often the key.

Sometimes people make assumptions and misjudge other peoples motivations. Perhaps it might be that asking your sister to come round - perhaps at the same time as Aunt (so you are not alone and do not feel vulnerable) - to help clear some of Mum's personal stuff will let her see that you are there to help.

https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries/

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