FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Recovery Club

I want to change my name in real life

I want to change my name in real life

I had an amazing day last week when I went to a day class for writers. I learned a lot and came away buzzing with all sorts of ideas for writing projects. I want to create a site that has my writing on it, instalments of a book I am writing and poetry, short pieces about childhood and mental illness advocacy.

But, I think I need to change my real name and do it all under a pseudonym for safety's sake and to protect the family (although they don't "deserve" protection, but I couldn;t do it to them or risk rebuttal saying I made it all up or something. I am nervous about that I have chosen a name but I am worried people will laugh at it. Or that it is just a flight of crazy-fancy and not 'real'.

I am so socially isolated, I do not have anyone to ask their opinion about it. I have not spoken to my partner about it, because I am worried she will laugh about the actual name I have chosen, And even if I did I wonder if they said - well its a bit "naff" whether I would stand up for myself or abandoned EVERYTHING, not just the name. I am a good one for throwing the baby out with the bath water!

Ah, dear, I dunno. I changed my name in a hypomania back in the 90's to something else and it worked for a while, I changed it at work and everything so everyone called me by that name, but then I slid back to my 'real name' the one my adoptive parents bestowed on me because it was too hard and I went crazy when I met my birthmother and she insisted on calling me by the name she had given me on my birth certificate, wow I had three names! So I just snapped shut and said I am now THIS NAME and no one is allowed to call me anything else.

This new name keeps my first name but changes my last name - writers use a non de plume or pseudonym all the time, but I am worried about it and don't know whether to go for it! Create the website under that name and fake it till I make it that I am a writer, commentator and advocate.

A wise psychiatrist once told me "if unsure do nothing". And I am sitting with that right now, but I also want to leap ahead with this project, but cannot use my real name either because I am in midst of an insurance claim. What kind of questions should I be asking myself as to whether this is a good idea, and the name I have chosen is a good one that I will be happy to live with for the rest of my writing life?

eeeep!

52 replies

31 - 40 of 52

In response to: I want to change my name in real life

Re: I want to change my name in real life

That's great news @MoonGal

In response to: Re: I want to change my name in real life

Re: I want to change my name in real life

Hey @MoonGal, I've been crashed out after some intense activity and an all-nighter the night of the special moon. Just wanted to come back and say BIG CONGRATULATIONS on getting the space and name set up for your new project! Wishing you the very best with it.

In response to: Re: I want to change my name in real life

Re: I want to change my name in real life

Hey @Mazarita, you are a better woman than I, as much as I would have loved to - I went to bed at 9,45 and slept though it all! I enjoyed looking at the photos the next day though.

Thanks for your HURRAH! and encouragement. I have designed a logo (In the beginning was the word (aka logos) haha! and have skittered around shaking my hands going OMG! OMG! OMG! but I have a couple of online jobs to do for friends - a business logo for one, and to add a"Supporters" page to the website I manage for a little NGO I volunteer for in Africa. MUST get those off my desk before I go down the Rabbit-Hole of my own website.

Did you enjoy the moon activity? Was it clear from where you are? What an amazing line up of events! Although downside is, I read that small low lying islands in the Pacific got inundated with 4.5-metre king tides.
😱

In response to: Re: I want to change my name in real life

Re: I want to change my name in real life

@MoonGal, you sound like you really know what you are doing with your website, given you help with others sites too. Lol to 'in the beginning there was the logo'.

Hmmm, makes me think of logos and other ancient texts. This is Wikipedia's current take on that word origin:

"Logos is a term in western philosophy, psychology, rhetoric, and religion derived from a Greek word meaning "ground", "plea", "opinion", "expectation", "word", "speech", "account", "reason", "proportion", "discourse"..."

Sounds like an excellent place to start!

It was overcast here for the special moon but I 'felt' it all the same. I stayed up all night video editing, classic 'lunatic' that I am!

In response to: Re: I want to change my name in real life

Re: I want to change my name in real life

Ah, @Mazarita, I love what you shared about 'logos' - yes... all of that and more. The "ground" especially a grounding... Earth. and discourse... all of it fits with my vision.

I built a website in WordPress (hosted by an external party) so have the experience, it all, of course, does one's head in when you KNOW something must be able to be done but cannot find the right console or bit to make it happen! Mutter, mutter, mutter... I am like a dog on a bone though I never give up - I will watch youtube videos and read self-helps and etc to figure stuff out that I don't know how to do yet. If blokes can do it... no reason I can't!

I have the world's peskiest fly landing on me every few seconds at the moment and am getting enervated because of it. Isn't it funny how small things can lead to big reactions? I have the overhead fan on now that'll keep it from landing I hope. But oh, dear, maybe I will get a stiff neck because of the constant breeze...

In response to: Re: I want to change my name in real life

Re: I want to change my name in real life

I like being a bit of a girl nerd too, @MoonGal

Flying creatures, even mozzies, don't seem to like fans. I on the other hand love them and have one on all year round in my bedroom to help me sleep. I find it comforting, even the 'white noise' of it. Mostly it's the caressing breeze I like. I do have a bad neck but that's from arthritis there, and probably also the endless amount of typing I have done in my life.

In response to: I want to change my name in real life

Re: I want to change my name in real life

Hi @MoonGal

You are definitely not preggers @MoonGal- that is wonderful news - ah sheesh - for a moment I felt like we all do from time to time when we ask a when she's due only to learn she has added a little bit of a tum - my stars - have I ever done that and wish I could learn to keep my trap shut

But yes - every time I wrote an essay at university I felt has if I had given birth to it and I did give birth once and yep - both an incredible effort - yeah🎭

Every now and again I will dream that I am pregnant - in the dream I am so happy - sigh - I wake up to one after another of 4 points of interest

I am too old

I don't have a partner and neither have I been practising

I have had all the baby-werks removed

The fourth thing - my cat is about the size of a baby and is snuggling as both my kids did if I took them back to bed in the morning -

Thank God it was just the cat -

I am glad Moongal - that your Dragon is some kind of workshop and I hope it doesn't turn into more bitten off than you can chew but is really good

Dec

In response to: Re: I want to change my name in real life

Re: I want to change my name in real life

Hey @Owlunar - 🙂 I don't have the womb for it anymore either. No room in the womb. Interesting you dream about being pregnant. Dreams are an amazing landscape aren't they?

Have shifted past the lovely light excitement and altered state to the enervated and irritable slide that is inevitable coming out of a hypo. Sheesh, I so wish there was a pharmaceutical that could just keep me in the sweet spot all the time. I would get so much good quality work done!

Ah well, go with the flow Moongal... just go. with. the. flow.

In response to: Re: I want to change my name in real life

Re: I want to change my name in real life

Hey @Mazarita - are you around? I have a question and I have no one to discuss it with -

I have been thinking about my "writers" website and publishing myself.

I have this as the goal...or objective (I can never get the difference between goal and objective) or maybe just more like a statement of intent.

<pseudonym name here> is a poet and writer, a survivor, lesbian and living with bipolar and anxiety - despite the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune she lives an amazing life. This page is sharing her lived experience through writing and imagery.

Core ideas.

Autobiographical stories from childhood. (poetry and prose)

Shamelessness (ie. getting past shame)

Every one you meet struggles, some more than others. Be Kind. (especially toward youSelf)

Life adventures start when the fun stops.

Commentary - feminist, intersectional, political.

_____________

So now, Mazarita (or anyone with interest in helping), I am dithering about. One of the issues is that I need to choose a theme for the website that would suit posting about multiple themes and different styles (poetry/prose/commentary/opinion).

I think this one https://cdn.jevelin.shufflehound.com/blog1/ would be good - but am unsure, so do not want to buy it until I am sure (if in doubt take time to consider). If you could look over the theme and answer these questions... I would appreciate it.

This bit below containing the questions is a post I shared with a couple of friends to get their feedback but they don't really "know" the depth of my story like people here do... (I understand if you are not up for this today or ever I just thought with your life's experience being publishing yourself you are one person I do know who could be critical/illuminating)

HELP WANTED
I am embarking on a new web publishing project under a pseudonym - with its focus and heart on my writing, poetry, commentary, prose (short stories) the page will have multiple "themes/concepts/subjects" - including living with mental illness with a focus on mental and emotional health and advocacy, being a survivor of child abuse, sexual abuse/domestic violence with a focus on "living a good life is the best revenge", bits of feminisms, intersectionality and just in general life stuff + championing underdogs, uplifting under-everyone.

Eventually, too, a portal for my book (self-published) about Africa travels in novel form (maybe).

Please have a look at this theme https://cdn.jevelin.shufflehound.com/blog1/ (NOTE: the layout is by the developers, not my content - link below) and imagine the scenarios above, copy Q's below and paste into comments and answer them for me. I appreciate it!

QUESTIONS

1. Are you browsing on a

a) mobile phone or

b) desktop/notebook

c) other (please name):

2. If you landed at my page and were presented with the masonry grid (the layout) of various topics (all with an illustration) would you be inclined to explore via

a) the grid posts themselves

b) the subject headings

c) the menu at the top

d) latest posts

e) a combination (please say which)

f) None of the above the layout does not suit the concept of your page. (why? please explain)

3) If the various subjects had content that was potentially triggering to survivors of abuse or violence would you

a) want a pop up Content Warning that had to have an "i agree"

OR,

b) if the topics are well signposted by tags (one of which could be the words 'content warning') would that suffice?

4) Anything else about this page layout that shakes your chakras or leaves you cold? with my project in mind

Thank you!

Go here to explore the theme.

https://cdn.jevelin.shufflehound.com/blog1/

In response to: Re: I want to change my name in real life

Re: I want to change my name in real life

Hi @MoonGal, love what you are doing in the planning stages of this. Happy to distract myself from housework while I listen to a new album and answer your questionnaire. Thanks for thinking of me

QUESTIONS (about the possible design at https://cdn.jevelin.shufflehound.com/blog1/)

1. Are you browsing on a

b) desktop*

* I mostly access the internet by desktop and almost always reply from a desktop.

2. If you landed at my page and were presented with the masonry grid (the layout) of various topics (all with an illustration) would you be inclined to explore via

a) the grid posts themselves*

* but the longer I spend on the site the more I am drawn to the top links. I might eventually want to explore that way too, to get chronology of content.

3) If the various subjects had content that was potentially triggering to survivors of abuse or violence would you

b) if the topics are well signposted by tags (one of which could be the words 'content warning') would that suffice? *

* However it might be worth considering the possibility of people under the age of 18 years reading posts like that, even possibly for legal reasons? Perhaps Nik might give you advice on this?

4) Anything else about this page layout that shakes your chakras or leaves you cold? with my project in mind:

I like the simplicity of the page, focusses on content. I would like to see the banner image changed. I assume you will do that. I enjoyed browsing quickly over the big boxes. I was drawn to the video (being me). Then the larger striking images. I like it a lot as is. If I spent longer at that site (and it had your content), I'd probably explore the site by top menu links next, and then maybe by tags. When I repeatedly visit sites, I like to click tags at some point. But the main focus on the big boxes is great, and creative and kind of lateral as an invitation to explore the site. Starting to write an essay here but you have put so much thought into it and planned it out so well, there's more to say in response. Mainly that I like your span of content areas. It seems like it's going to be an amazing site!

31 - 40 of 52