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I want to change my name in real life

MoonGalSenior Contributor30 Jan 2018, 12:10 pm AEDT

I want to change my name in real life

I had an amazing day last week when I went to a day class for writers. I learned a lot and came away buzzing with all sorts of ideas for writing projects. I want to create a site that has my writing on it, instalments of a book I am writing and poetry, short pieces about childhood and mental illness advocacy.

But, I think I need to change my real name and do it all under a pseudonym for safety's sake and to protect the family (although they don't "deserve" protection, but I couldn;t do it to them or risk rebuttal saying I made it all up or something. I am nervous about that I have chosen a name but I am worried people will laugh at it. Or that it is just a flight of crazy-fancy and not 'real'.

I am so socially isolated, I do not have anyone to ask their opinion about it. I have not spoken to my partner about it, because I am worried she will laugh about the actual name I have chosen, And even if I did I wonder if they said - well its a bit "naff" whether I would stand up for myself or abandoned EVERYTHING, not just the name. I am a good one for throwing the baby out with the bath water!

Ah, dear, I dunno. I changed my name in a hypomania back in the 90's to something else and it worked for a while, I changed it at work and everything so everyone called me by that name, but then I slid back to my 'real name' the one my adoptive parents bestowed on me because it was too hard and I went crazy when I met my birthmother and she insisted on calling me by the name she had given me on my birth certificate, wow I had three names! So I just snapped shut and said I am now THIS NAME and no one is allowed to call me anything else.

This new name keeps my first name but changes my last name - writers use a non de plume or pseudonym all the time, but I am worried about it and don't know whether to go for it! Create the website under that name and fake it till I make it that I am a writer, commentator and advocate.

A wise psychiatrist once told me "if unsure do nothing". And I am sitting with that right now, but I also want to leap ahead with this project, but cannot use my real name either because I am in midst of an insurance claim. What kind of questions should I be asking myself as to whether this is a good idea, and the name I have chosen is a good one that I will be happy to live with for the rest of my writing life?

eeeep!

52 replies

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In response to: I want to change my name in real life

MoonGalSenior Contributor31 Jan 2018, 2:16 pm AEDT

Re: I want to change my name in real life

Are you sure, MoonGal?

That you want to be a truth-sayer

freedom bringer, lamp lighter?

Are you ready to be shameless?

Are the dark parts of you

ready to dance in the light

for all the world to see

should they happen to look there?

When you speak it reverberates.

You are a tuning fork finding pitch

with others who have

lived and felt the same shame.

A tolling bell calling the others

to dare.

There are others.

They will find you.

You will find them.

Declare and Pronounce

Shame Ends Here.

In response to: I want to change my name in real life

utopiaSenior Contributor31 Jan 2018, 3:57 pm AEDT

Re: I want to change my name in real life

@MoonGal - sorry you are struggling today with the conflicting worries of writing your truth. I can't imagine how hard that is for you.
But I just want to say, to remind you, that your pseudonym will also be used for your powerful poetry, not just your story. Although I recognise that they are interlinked.
Take your time. Choose your pseudonym. Get your domain and website stuff done (sorry I don't understand any of that). Then start off with your posting your poetry and thoughts.
Save your story for days when you feel strongest. It will all come out over time. Just try not to push yourself too hard. Remember Rome wasn't built in a day. And you do not have to do everything at once.
I think you are an amazing woman. You will make it all happen in the right time

In response to: Re: I want to change my name in real life

MoonGalSenior Contributor31 Jan 2018, 4:23 pm AEDT

Re: I want to change my name in real life

@utopia - thank you.

I shared a piece I had written (and am having published anonymously on a publisher's page for a project about recovery from sexual assualt) with a writing mentor and buddy (a man about 15 years older than me) and he was so powerfully overcome and affected by it he is traumatised. I have to think about that, about content warnings about how my writing may affect people. He kind of knew what was coming, but I don't think he was prepared for the brutal honesty of it all.

He said... "I sit in silence, pondering your words. Your story is proof of the great power the mind has to overcome horrible unspeakable acts if we will allow it to. What happened to you is tragic, a tragedy that was not your fault, no blame or shame on you. That is for the evil people who perpetrated the unspeakable on you. That you were able to find the resilience within to move forward is miraculous."

I hear you about my poetry, about my writing pieces and thoughts. I am also writing a book - and I am establishing this as the portal for the eventual self-publication of that book, the topic of the book is SO far removed from the content of my childhood! I wonder how I will divide up the website to accomodate the disp[arate topics.

Anyways - I do not feel sick anymore, it is morning sickness, I am about to give birth to a dragon.

In response to: I want to change my name in real life

utopiaSenior Contributor31 Jan 2018, 4:41 pm AEDT

Re: I want to change my name in real life

Your friends words are very true @MoonGal.

In response to: Re: I want to change my name in real life

MoonGalSenior Contributor01 Feb 2018, 11:18 am AEDT

Re: I want to change my name in real life

@Mazarita @utopia @Owlunar @Former-Member

Whoo Hoo! I have registered my domain name and set up hosting. I am on my way!

In response to: I want to change my name in real life

utopiaSenior Contributor01 Feb 2018, 11:20 am AEDT

Re: I want to change my name in real life

That's great news @MoonGal. I hope you will find strength in having this pseudonym, to share your story.

In response to: I want to change my name in real life

OwlunarSenior Contributor01 Feb 2018, 11:54 am AEDT

Re: I want to change my name in real life

Hi @Mazarita

About the delay on the change of your name - I get that - I have a full birth certificate which includes details of my parents etc - but my extra-of-entry does not

And it is great we did that in the same year - I could hardly wait to change my married name - and my maiden name - I have actually hyphenated that to my new name to please my dad when I got something like a little article in a news paper or other current issues and when I have signed my name in all 5 memorial books for the deaths in my family since 2005 no less -

But thinking about writing my son's story is too painful - I read Danielle's story His Bright Light about the troubled life and suicide of one of her kids and know why she wrote that and made myself read it but for lots of reasons decided - no - I can't do that - I will take it to my grave - it is incredibly painful and it's story after all - not mine

But then - if I thought it would do any good I might change my mind - but I would use my non-de-plume if I did thar

Everything we do or don't affects the Universal Collective Unconscious (Carl Jung) it's hard to work through what that means - you might have already worked on that - so I have to think - even my thoughts not to write this has an effect on the future

I have already written under that name - and I used my own name when I first acted on the events surrounding my son's death - so that was pretty big and upset my famiy a lot

But whatever you do - that is your choice and yes - we do feel a need to protect those in the story and I understand that - in so many ways

All the best Maz

Dec

In response to: Re: I want to change my name in real life

OwlunarSenior Contributor01 Feb 2018, 1:34 pm AEDT

Re: I want to change my name in real life

That's fantastic @MoonGal

Dec

In response to: Re: I want to change my name in real life

OwlunarSenior Contributor01 Feb 2018, 2:21 pm AEDT

Re: I want to change my name in real life

Oh @MoonGal

I missed that you are preggers with a Baby Dragon - omstars - I did not have morning sickness at all and neither did my sister but my mother did all day long for 9 months with 3 of us - and I was old enough to remember the third one and wonder about that

How far along are you? I cannot imagine what that is like - I had a very sensitive pregnancy with a premature birth - had my legs crossed for 8 months and do not want to go through that again - but a constant nausea with whatever else - I am so sorry about that and hope you are nearly there

I guess the Dragon is not giving you much rest right now

Dec

In response to: Re: I want to change my name in real life

MoonGalSenior Contributor01 Feb 2018, 4:22 pm AEDT

Re: I want to change my name in real life

Oh @Owlunar! I am not pregnant.... I was being metaphorical - as in my website and publishing project and the subject matter of some of what I intend to write is a DRAGON that I am about to give birth to. It was anxiety alone that caused me to up chuck yesterday, it happens to me when I am very anxious or frazzled.

🙂 So not preggers, presenting myself (under psuedonym) to the world!

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