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It just hurts

Unknown userMember25 Jan 2018, 11:01 pm AEDT

It just hurts

How do i begin what do i say? Im sorry if is this just sounds like jibberish.

It hurts to be alive. I cant even think of words to say anymore. Im crying but mostly because i have some understanding of how it would effect others if i was to go. Ive delt with MH for more of my life than i havnt. Im not even sure what this will achieve posting this. Im just feeling awful and low.
Sorry.
And thank you for your time

311 replies

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In response to: It just hurts

ArtaudSenior Contributor02 Feb 2018, 12:16 am AEDT

Re: It just hurts

Hi Crazytaya

Just Artaud one of the moderators. I will be on tonight. Just letting you know

Regards

Artaud

In response to: It just hurts

Unknown userMember02 Feb 2018, 12:40 am AEDT

Re: It just hurts

@outlander thank you, i know your not on an easy road tonight also.

@Artaud thanks for letting me know.

Why is it so hard to just ask for help? To say i need a bit of support? I just have to dissconect shut myself down. Brain is working overtime to destroy all. Im tired of it all not making sence inside being torn between it all everyone has different opinions.

I kept myself busy today ive been stealing cuddles from my cats it just so heavy right now. My heart feels black.
The only person you can really trust is yaself, and even then sometimes ya cant:(.
Batten down the hatches n hope to ride it out i guess:(

In response to: Re: It just hurts

Unknown userMember02 Feb 2018, 12:52 am AEDT

Re: It just hurts

@Former-Member I find it difficult to ask for help too. Sometimes I can reach out, other times not. It is good that you have kept busy and done some self care today. Sometimes so hard to do that when we are down.

Hmmm yes even hard to trust ourselves sometimes when our brain is screaming at us. I will be up for quite awhile. My meds haven’t helped tonight so can sit with you❤️💖

In response to: It just hurts

Unknown userMember02 Feb 2018, 1:15 am AEDT

Re: It just hurts

@Former-Member sorry to hear that your meds havnt worked tonight for you! I hope you at least manage a somewhat calm night.
I have so much that i just shut down to nothing.
I am really at a loss of what to do. Each day the heavyness and the dread get that little bit thicker the confusion about whats going on inside me only adds fuel to the fire. I dont know why im trying so hard to fight off the planning stage thats been trying so hard to burst its way through. Each minute feels like an hour right now everything seems so long, i feel like ive been trying to type this for ages now. I have my teddy with me and when you push on his belly his eyes open and light up. Im just so sad in so many ways:(
Gah...sorry:/
I hope your night isnt to rough nell im not able to keep up on other post atm, sorry its so selfish of me! *hug*

In response to: Re: It just hurts

Unknown userMember02 Feb 2018, 1:36 am AEDT

Re: It just hurts

@Former-Memberyou are not being selfish hun, you need to look after yourself first and that is fine.

Your teddy sounds nice and good to cuddle. I have been using my coping box tonight that has a teddy in it too. Dog gave up on me ages ago!

Just take baby steps sweetie. One thing at a time and if those thoughts come, just let them pass through you, put them on a cloud and send them away. Easier said than done, it's what I have been trying to do tonight.

Lets just take one thing at a time tonight.

In response to: It just hurts

Unknown userMember02 Feb 2018, 1:56 am AEDT

Re: It just hurts

@Former-Member its a nice teddy ive had it since i was little. Im glad you have your box to try and help! Yeah all 4 of my cats have had enough so teddy cuddles it is.
I try to let them pass or not battle but its just not possible. Something has to give sooner or later.
I really hope the night isnt to long and painful for ya nell, you dont deserve it at al ❤❤

In response to: Re: It just hurts

Unknown userMember02 Feb 2018, 2:00 am AEDT

Re: It just hurts

@Former-Memberi understand hun, mine are sticking like glue at the moment.

None of us deserve this

In response to: It just hurts

Unknown userMember02 Feb 2018, 2:26 am AEDT

Re: It just hurts

@Former-Member im so sorry that they are glue tonight but oh how i understand..i have my light that makes the roof look like flowing water on (i have no clue if i explained that well at ALL) it helps relax me watching. I just want to be able to say i am ok, not even great or fantastic just ok.
It seems like tonight running in slow mo just to make it that much easier:(:(
Its like nothing can hold my focus unless its about the dreaded S word or SH even.
Even typing this im in and out its seems i need to switch off every so often and wander back for shorter and shorter periods.
Im sorry if i seem strange or off, its just hard is all.
Its so sad you understand but i am oh so thankful for you understanding ❤❤❤

In response to: It just hurts

Unknown userMember02 Feb 2018, 2:36 am AEDT

Re: It just hurts

@Former-Member
Just wanted to offer my thoughts of support to you for what it might be worth.
I relate to what you're saying and am sorry you feel like this.

It's not selfish to do what you need to do look after yourself. Please take a moment (or more) to do one tiny thing a day for yourself.
(((Crazytaya)))

Have to go to bed now - appointments tomorrow.

In response to: It just hurts

Unknown userMember02 Feb 2018, 2:43 am AEDT

Re: It just hurts

@Former-Member thank you kindly for your support ❤❤ i hope you manage to have a nice sleep and your appoontnents go well *hug*

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