It just hurts

@Former-Memberall you can do is try your best hun, that is all we can do. You are doing an amazing job and have things in place to help you. Hopefully you can distract yourself tonight.

@outlander yeah i have a saftey plan, ive changed it may times but yeah i have one. one of my biggest things i struggle with is never knowing if i have done enough or given it a good enough go to get past it on my own before i need to call someone or what have you. i was unaware of the app though it may be somehting to look into.

i struggle to even type whats going on how the hell would i be able to put it into words?

@Former-Member thanks. just sucks when ya best isnt good enough i guess. i am ok though and safe im just hurting and in constant battle internally of who will win just over it really but will try find things to keep me busy!

@Former-Memberif you are trying your best than that is good enough for now. You are showing amazing strength and that is all you can do for now.

I wish I could help with that pain of yours, but am here to listen and to help in any way

@Former-Member thanks, some not so good choices have already been made today and since being home. its hard when i know they wont be helpful in the long run, but its helpful now 😞 he is just constantly screaming at me to hurt and destroy, she is constantly crying because of the hurt and pain plus him yelling always makes her more upset there is so much more going on inside also but even reading that freaks me out it sounds so *swear word* far fetch and stupid NONE of it is possible, but it all feels so darn real but i KNOW that its not possible gobbilty goo is what it is!

@outlander i have been going off one i made with local mental health a year or so ago so not toally off nothing. my phone didnt have enough storgare for the app right now and its a bit to much to deal with tongiht so i shall keep it in mind and try look at it again tomorow

thank you both so much for always taking the time out for me i appreaciate it a lot *hugs*

@utopia kids more often than not are able to keep me in the moment i find being around kid quiet helpful they are so honest and real with you, i have been struggling more so with it recently but nobody else seems to nitice it but me.

I will be watching the moon also but i am in Wait Awhile so will be a bit later for me (WA) im sure it will be beautiful i just ran outside to see but shes still a bit low for me to get a good view!

Gonna stuff around with my music and make playlists to keep me busy! thanks for stopping by utopia, i hope the day has been kind to you *hug*

wish i had words to express the dispair i feel.
it all just feel so pointless- bad, good ,happy, sad,angry, joy, love, kindness, hate ,pain
i keep typing and then deleting not even sure what the point of this is to be honest.
just more word vomit it hope it will help somewhat i guess