It just hurts

@Former-MemberI have tried a sleep hygine rountine before, not much luck with that.

Perhaps if you found it useful it is something you could try again to help you

Hi @Former-Member, thanks for before. Psychiatrist appt. normally leave me upset but this one was a hard one. I guess if it was easy then in the long run it wouldn't help me.

So firstly, love your avatar!

Also, how are you going today?

@Former-Member i am not sure what i did before, but you are welcome 🙂

You are so right about therapy session being hard but in the long run its helpful, its not easy to go back knowing its going to cause upset and hurt and remind you of things you would rather forget you have a strength inside of you but i know right now things are so dark its hard to see for yourself. Just still going when you know its hard is strength. I wish i was able to ease you suffering somewhat but know that you are not alone.

thanks about the avatar:) i decided to have a look at this place on my desk top!

im not good really to be honest everything getting harder to control idont know whats real and what not even for things in my past im beyond confused and i dont know how to trust me again i see myself doing stuff in my day to day life im watching from above things i would never do, but its happining. i just dont know how to understand anymore. The internal battle between them all yelling and screaming fighting to win but all so oppsit of each other. i honestly just want peace. im trying really hard not to hit self distrust mode because right now it feels it would be easier! Sh!t sorry thats the last thing you need right now.....

i hope you manage some calm in your day dear nell

@Former-Memberi am happy to sit here with you and listen to what is on your mind. I wouldn't have asked if I couldn't help others.

I am sorry things are so hard for you too. Life simply is not fair at times and totally understand that self destruct button.

Have you ever spoken to the Hepline Chat here at SANE? They are really good to talk to. Perhaps it is something you want to consider doing if you feel comfortable doing it.

Hugs my beautiful friend

@Former-Member i have not spoken to the sane hotline, but not really up for phone calls right now. I have to be compsed enough for school pick up later this afternoon. and the the chat will be closed once i am home because of the time diff. i can honestly not just dump in all on you altho i appreciate you being here.

its to hard to express or talk about because i know how crazy it sounds its hard. im chaning so much recently i dont even know whats going on from one monent to the next. i just want to give up trying to stay in control.

i just always feel everyone runs went i vent and i dont want that to happen to you also 😞 *hug*

@Former-MemberI don't speak to them on the phone either, I find that really hard to do. Instead they have a chat so you can type out what you are thinking. I find that much easier.

It doesn't sound crazy at all. If it is relevent to you then it is important.

Well you can't get rid of me that easy, you're stuck with me now!!! You can write as much or as little here and I will NOT run

hi @Former-Member

you can talk here as much as you like vent, yell, scream cry whichever you would like we are here for you

Sane helpline is really good, they arent scary and are really understanding

@Former-Member how i wish it wasnt relivant to me right now im honestly struggling to wrap my head around it all right now. its scary being so confused about whats going on. i have to get ready soon for babystting so dont think i have time to jump on the online chat right now.

i really hope you dont run nell i appreciate you so much ❤️

@outlander i find it hard to vent about myself sometimes i guess

SH and SI thoughts are so strong but its not only me thinking them at the moment either, it all just adds fule to the fire. Hopefully babysitting isnt gonna drag this afternoon and since school just went back exhaustion will make it easier fingers crossed!

it can be really scary not knowing what is happening to us with mental health but your not alone @Former-Member

i havent read through the entire thread so i apologise if youve already meantioned this but do you have any offline supports like psychologist and your gp?

have you found any coping strategies to be be useful at all?

ahh babysitting- i would suspect they will be tired after a first day back at school but be prepared to have your ears talked off about what they done that day depending on their ages- i find little kids get really exciting talking about their first day back.