It just hurts

@Former-Member - bloody frustrating when we type a long response and it dissappears into, god knows where. Happens sometimes.
Have you had a diagnosis from your psychiatrist yet? Some people don't like a diagnosis. Others like me find it helpful, to get as much information as possible.
Good to hear you got out and about today and visited your friend. Sounds like you might need to remind your frien to back off about questions from the past.
I hope you manage to get a good sleep tonight. Talk soon

@utopia i have depression anxiety PTDS and discociation i think i dont know really because it seems each person has a different option on what i have (i mean professionals) i would like to understand more but it so hard to explain as its causes me massive anxiety as i know how stupid it honeslty sounds. Just exhausting. A small girl will not scream and cry in pain all night long she hurts. He will build fury that i cant cope with and then me who has to try and stay in control so i dont forget time i dont like having fractured memories. I just want some peace my head is pounding it so loud but i cant stop it. Tonight may be a night for PRN but i dislike relying on it.


@Former-Member even if i arnt able to stay on here coz its geting quiet busy for me at the moment. I will be with you every step of the night, i will not let you walk this alone❤❤❤❤

@Former-Member thank you lovely you are also very important to me but i need to take a break its all to busy for me inside and trying to focus here. Know i love you and i will be holding you in my heart all night and for much longer ❤❤❤❤

@Former-Member - I was saying a similar thing last week. That what I was experiencing and feeling couldn't be right. Impossible. And how was I going to tell my psychiatrist. He'll think I'm making it up. Or it won't make sense, so he won't be able to help me. Or want to help me. It was causing me major anxiety at the time.
So I explained to him.
I can smile at something funny on tv or Facebook - which I couldn't do for the last 6 months. So I must be getting better on these meds. But I don't feel better. I can't laugh. I can't cry. Sometimes I can't move. I can't motivate myself. But I'm meant to be better because I'm not having suicidal thoughts anymore. None of this makes sense. I should be better. Maybe it's all me. I'm making me sick. I'm just too lazy. Or I'm a selfish b**ch and can't sympathise with others. That's why I can't cry.
No he said. One of my medications was causing this numbness. Making me flat.
What a relief. I could have cried - except I can't cry. I was glad it wasn't me making things up. My psychiatrist heard what I was saying and knew what was wrong and how to fix it.
So, I bet if you were able to reduce your anxiety a fraction and tell your psychiatrist what you just told me - it would make sense to him and he'd be able to diagnose and treat your MI better.
You are not crazy. Your symptoms are real. You just need to find an expert who can sort it all out for you.
I'm off to bed now. Sweet dreams.

@utopia i am glad to hear you have such an understanding psychiatrist to be able to help you.

Its all a bit to much to think of right now i am beyond exhausted what sleep i did get was full of nightmares i feel like it may have been better with no sleep, lack of sleep effect me easy so i know its not good for me.

@Former-Member thank you lovely, i hope you night wasnt as bad as you expected sorry i had to duck off last night xxx

No words are able to express right now, just falling back to defult of it hurts.

Trying just seems like so much effort right now, tears want to break through but it can come so unexpected. All just seems to hard

Chest feels like its going to explode
The screaming the yelling the crying.
Im watching mysef nothing feels real, im not sure what is real anymore.
I just dont know...... im not sure what happened or what didnt happen.....i just feel sick its all so confusing , feel like i dont understand anything at all anymore.
My soul is tired not just sleep. How do you rest a soul?!?!?!