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It just hurts

Unknown userMember25 Jan 2018, 11:01 pm AEDT

It just hurts

How do i begin what do i say? Im sorry if is this just sounds like jibberish.

It hurts to be alive. I cant even think of words to say anymore. Im crying but mostly because i have some understanding of how it would effect others if i was to go. Ive delt with MH for more of my life than i havnt. Im not even sure what this will achieve posting this. Im just feeling awful and low.
Sorry.
And thank you for your time

311 replies

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In response to: It just hurts

Unknown userMember08 Feb 2018, 1:11 am AEDT

Re: It just hurts

@outlander i dont think sleeping meds will help only because i already have anxiety around when to take my as needed med for anxiety and normally end up battling my head non stop and can not make a move, but thank you for the thought, i did sleep CBT awhile ago i should prob re visit that but its not so much lack of sleep anyway its more broken never rested and nigntmares sometimes. And i just dont feel rested ever at the moment. Maybe tonight will be different who knows!

Its not even really going through it in any detail at all what so ever @Former-Member just i honestly cant even type it out. Nope sorry cant i went to try again.

I noticted its hard to look at her but almost all the times i did she was hiding a yawn or looking at her watch. I just had to shake those feelings down to continue but i just instantly felt like wasnt keen on it, but at the end we have come up with a plan on what is next session is and stuff so we shall see how it goes.
Im struggling to understand how im just meant to fight like this for my life however long

In response to: Re: It just hurts

Unknown userMember08 Feb 2018, 9:05 am AEDT

Re: It just hurts

@Former-MemberI understand hun, sometimes it is nice just to talk about other things, trivial things.....am here either way hun. I hope you got some sleep last night.....will be around a bit today so just tag me if you need someone.

In response to: It just hurts

outlanderSenior Contributor08 Feb 2018, 9:38 am AEDT

Re: It just hurts

Morning @Former-Member ❤
Yesterday sounded rough, i hope that next session you feel abit more comfortable. Hopefully you managed some sleep. even though you dont have that refreshed feeling sleeps still important.
I really hope today has some good in it ❤

In response to: Re: It just hurts

Unknown userMember08 Feb 2018, 10:41 am AEDT

Re: It just hurts

Morning @Former-Member,

Just stopping by as I read that you had a hard night last night. I understand you feeling stuck in those moments as well. It sounds like you are working hard to look after yourself - it still doesn't make the battle any easier.

It is tiring to push through hard times - but I think, as you will have seen from the lovely support of the members here, you can have faith that it will get better and that you can have support along your journey. Keep reaching out!

In response to: Re: It just hurts

Unknown userMember08 Feb 2018, 5:05 pm AEDT

Re: It just hurts

Hearing you @Former-Member Wish there was something I could do to help you.

I've come out from under the crushing cloud today enough to respond in some places.

Picked a few Magnolias from the shrubs outside, the fragrance inside is a pick-me-up, and the blooms are pretty sitting where I can see them on the sink.

Hope today is a better day for you.

In response to: It just hurts

Unknown userMember08 Feb 2018, 11:02 pm AEDT

Re: It just hurts

@outlander @Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member

Sleep again wasnt my friend last night but not much has been my friend recently well not anything good anyways.

@Former-Member i honestly struggle to see how its all worth it when i spend more of my life fighting to keep myself alive than i do living it. Im not having a go at you or anything you said im jist saying how i feel:/ but yes i put a fair amout of effort into trying to be ok or whatever sometimes i wonder if that makes it harder or not. Thanks for your time

I did cleaning, work in the garden and made dinner so at least i did stuff while feeling miserble i guess.
Now just to get through the night only to face another day!

In response to: Re: It just hurts

outlanderSenior Contributor08 Feb 2018, 11:11 pm AEDT

Re: It just hurts

sounds like your in a pretty big slump at the moment @Former-Member

have you ever thought about allowing yourself not to be ok? just accepting that your not ok, reaching out for those supports but not denying your feelings?

you are worth fighting for, and i really hope that soon there will be a break in pattern and some light will be let in for you

have you thought about doing something that you would like to do? instead of surviving try living? i know that is alot easier said than done but maybe you could put your mind into a hobby, activitie or something through the day to make it not seem so day in day out sort of thing?

In response to: It just hurts

Unknown userMember08 Feb 2018, 11:28 pm AEDT

Re: It just hurts

@outlander i have plenty of hobbies n thing to keep me busy such a painting prjoects and hair wraps plus the garden keeps me busy at the moment sometimes.
Sucidal throughts never leave me even when i am 'well' thet are only fleeting then and not of any real cocern to me. Its sounds awful but light hits me everyday in different things its not like i cant feel joy or happiness i do an can and quiet often daily.
It dosnt feel worth it the small picture the big picture it all.
Sorry i am not trying to argue at all in any way its just how it is for me at the moment.
Hope im not saying anything wrong

In response to: Re: It just hurts

outlanderSenior Contributor08 Feb 2018, 11:35 pm AEDT

Re: It just hurts

@Former-Memberi dont think you are arguing at all, i think you are expressing your concerns and that is fine by me. if it helps i am hearing what your saying and will sit with you as much as you need

is there something that could maybe help you keep distracted tongith for a while?

maybe connect on some social chats here, or read a book, or keep talking here to me, maybe a movie?

In response to: It just hurts

Unknown userMember08 Feb 2018, 11:57 pm AEDT

Re: It just hurts

Im glad you understand @outlander and dont think i am argueing! I dont know last night i had a shower and did some painting (yes in that order silly i know haha) im making some dinner im not hungry at all but will try. I have the tv will prob focus more on it once dinner is done. I have many things to distract just depends what works or how stuck i get in my head and struggle to make a move. Just do what i can i guess, im just beyond exhausted i will feed myself and hope it helps in someway
*hug* i know things are tough for you right now so thanks for being with me

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