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Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

This thread is a follow on (or starting over) from my previous thread Caring for a wife with borderline personality disorder – sequel to diary of wife's hospital stay, I wanted to start over and in order to leave all the trauma and negativity of last year behind me and start fresh.

Those of you who have been following our family journey will know that after a number of hospital admissions for my darling I was encouraged by my councillor to implement some boundaries (lovingly implemented guidelines, not rules to be enforced) as well as self-care for myself as what we were doing was clearly not working and my health was /still is being affected.

Well after a smoother than expected start the boundaries and self-care were forgotten with my darling having a complete melt down and further lengthy hospital admissions due to high risk of self harm and a genuine attempt to leave us. The last 6 months particularly have been quite difficult for us all. S2 particularly had a lot of issues at school during this time and is currently seeing a councillor.

The purpose of this new thread is to again document our journey of healing, working on implemented boundaries and commitment to self care. As with the previous thread this is so that I can have a visual plan for myself with some accountability to follow through with plans in place and in the hope that it may help others in similar situations to ours. And so that I can track our progress. This was especially helpful in the last thread leading up to Christmas when I was feeling down about our current position to review what I had written and see just how far we have come.

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In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Have a carer qld support group meeting next week @Former-Member. It may be worth having a chat to the facilitator re thoughts on that. I'm not sure how darling would respond? Maybe if I have all of the info at hand for her? Darling realy does need to talk to someone but she needs to want to.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Asking at carer support might be worthwhile @Determined. Don't want to add to your burden Bro. We can only suggest...

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

MIL was transferred to a different hospital 1hr down the road so she can be closer to oncologist. This means we won't get to see her as often 😕 Despite this darling seems more settled this afternoon. I feel bad but I often feel anxious when she is this nice to me as I let my guard down and it burns more when the inevitable melt down and attack comes. Worried about FIL as he plans to drive down and visit daily and won't hear of anyone going with him as driving support.

A little bit of insight (for me) as to why everyone was flipping out when I was driving over an hour each way to see darling daily when she was away lol.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

I have been in a bit if a black hole recently. Trying hard to keep active and occupied but little things like being out in the garden that I was starting to realy enjoy are becoming a chore :face_with_rolling_eyes:

Hoping that because I am aware of this I may be able to consciously do something about it.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined Feeling connected (a sense of belonging) having a purpose (in giving), spirituality (faith) and telling your story are the things that bring meaning to our lives.

You had a huge burst of energy and got a heap done in the garden. I recall you saying you could not wait for MIL to see the progress - perhaps part of the enjoyment was the purpose in giving your MIL some pleasure from seeing things tidied up somewhat.

I don't think gardening featured in your goals list which might be a bit more reflective of the things that are important to you.

You might find attending the photography club more rewarding being a 'non essential' as opposed to gardening which for you might be better described as necessary upkeep to maintain your property.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

LoL @Former-Member

The biggest hurdle with photography club is that = meeting new people.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

The gardening was actually a surprise/ bonus enjoyment 😁 started out because it had to be done and it really gave me a buzz.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Are either of the older boys interested in photography @Determined ... perhaps they could go with you.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Former-Member they would possibly like that idea but it would make it impossible to interact with other adults. Maybe once I am out there and find my feet.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

I did get my camera out and charged earlier this week. Hoping for some family outings for bush walking, plenty of photo ops there.

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