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Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor22 Jan 2018, 1:25 pm AEDT

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

This thread is a follow on (or starting over) from my previous thread Caring for a wife with borderline personality disorder – sequel to diary of wife's hospital stay, I wanted to start over and in order to leave all the trauma and negativity of last year behind me and start fresh.

Those of you who have been following our family journey will know that after a number of hospital admissions for my darling I was encouraged by my councillor to implement some boundaries (lovingly implemented guidelines, not rules to be enforced) as well as self-care for myself as what we were doing was clearly not working and my health was /still is being affected.

Well after a smoother than expected start the boundaries and self-care were forgotten with my darling having a complete melt down and further lengthy hospital admissions due to high risk of self harm and a genuine attempt to leave us. The last 6 months particularly have been quite difficult for us all. S2 particularly had a lot of issues at school during this time and is currently seeing a councillor.

The purpose of this new thread is to again document our journey of healing, working on implemented boundaries and commitment to self care. As with the previous thread this is so that I can have a visual plan for myself with some accountability to follow through with plans in place and in the hope that it may help others in similar situations to ours. And so that I can track our progress. This was especially helpful in the last thread leading up to Christmas when I was feeling down about our current position to review what I had written and see just how far we have come.

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In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

SmcSenior Contributor31 July 2018, 8:20 am AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

So @Determined, we hope and pray for buyers who want a "blank canvas" rather than an established garden... I know a few people who have done amazing things with unpromising blocks.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor31 July 2018, 8:28 am AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Blank canvas is about it @Smc but a lot of people starting out desire that.

DPI laughed at my mum and dad when they bought their block and had soil tested but with a lot of work and TLC we became self sufficient of that 5 acre block.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

SmcSenior Contributor31 July 2018, 8:49 am AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

One guy we know improved a poor block by starting a lawnmowing service. Instead of all his clients' "green waste" going to the dump, guess where it ended up. 🙂 He's now got very impressive soil, and a very impressive garden growing in it.

If I had time and energy, I would be very tempted to do likelwise.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor31 July 2018, 10:17 am AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Mum and dad in law built their yard up with grass clippings from our yard and theirs.

My mum and dad brought in loads and loads of manure and sugar mill waste. Mums family had a dairy farm so we used to get the leavings out of the yards after each milking. We also kept pigs so my job once a week was to clean out their yards and spread it over the paddock.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor01 Aug 2018, 5:28 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Things are a little shakey here at the moment.

More detail in the supporting children thread but we found out this afternoon that S2 has been discussing suicide with a friend at school as the result of bullying. Darling has already been anxious about S2 and school but this has taken her to breaking point. I am spread a little thin myself so trying hard to stay calm. Time for me to catch up with the uni councillor again I think 😫

We had a big meltdown with S2 last Friday but finding out this afternoon he was only telling us half of it.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor01 Aug 2018, 5:33 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

I was already all fired up to see the uni councillor tomorrow about bullying on campus anyway (not related to me but some first year students), I found out about a situation 2nd hand as a student rep. Highlights to me the importance of sorting out this sort of anti social behaviour with little people before they become big bullies as adults. Makes me angry to see the hurt and damage that is caused.

Breathing again... rant over. Just had to get that out as I dont want to be too worked up and make things worse for darling.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember01 Aug 2018, 5:56 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

So very sorry to hear this @Determined sending up a few prayers for you and your family.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor01 Aug 2018, 7:14 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Thanks @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

SmcSenior Contributor01 Aug 2018, 8:11 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Likewise here @Determined.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor02 Aug 2018, 8:09 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Thanks also @Smc

S2 a little more settled. He received some pastoral support at school today as did a number of other students who have been suffering in silence. I have a meeting with the principal on Monday afternoon. He is actually sick tonight so may have the day off school tomorrow, see how we go.

We have another house inspection tomorrow. Hopefully something may come of that.

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.