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Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor22 Jan 2018, 1:25 pm AEDT

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

This thread is a follow on (or starting over) from my previous thread Caring for a wife with borderline personality disorder – sequel to diary of wife's hospital stay, I wanted to start over and in order to leave all the trauma and negativity of last year behind me and start fresh.

Those of you who have been following our family journey will know that after a number of hospital admissions for my darling I was encouraged by my councillor to implement some boundaries (lovingly implemented guidelines, not rules to be enforced) as well as self-care for myself as what we were doing was clearly not working and my health was /still is being affected.

Well after a smoother than expected start the boundaries and self-care were forgotten with my darling having a complete melt down and further lengthy hospital admissions due to high risk of self harm and a genuine attempt to leave us. The last 6 months particularly have been quite difficult for us all. S2 particularly had a lot of issues at school during this time and is currently seeing a councillor.

The purpose of this new thread is to again document our journey of healing, working on implemented boundaries and commitment to self care. As with the previous thread this is so that I can have a visual plan for myself with some accountability to follow through with plans in place and in the hope that it may help others in similar situations to ours. And so that I can track our progress. This was especially helpful in the last thread leading up to Christmas when I was feeling down about our current position to review what I had written and see just how far we have come.

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In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember20 June 2018, 7:10 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined not at all, I think we need to say it as it is.

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor20 June 2018, 8:19 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Thanks @Smc @Former-Member

Having a hard time at the moment and don't know what to do. Feeling unloved, unappreciated and everything I do is for nothing. I am considering seeing if the uni councillor is available tomorrow to talk to. I also have a 3 hour shift for work (at the uni) tomorrow and really am not looking forward to pretending to be happy.

@Smc couples councillor is well aware of BPD, she lost a child to suicide who lived with BPD.

Re splitting behaviours, I honestly think darling hates me because in her mind I am 'all bad'

Can't handle the fact 'I am too useless to work' (her words not mine). And I cant even look at the older boys without being accused of being angry at them.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

SmcSenior Contributor21 June 2018, 10:25 am AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Thinking of you. And praying.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember21 June 2018, 10:35 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined thinking especially of you. Were you able to speak to uni counselor today?

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor22 June 2018, 8:09 am AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Thanks @Former-Member

Uni councillor was not there yesterday 😞

It was a busy shift at work though so the day went fast and I was able to hide in a corner and not interact with too many people.

Planing a day in the yard today. Have a big.patch of cobler pegs to weed out. May go into town at some point and do some laps of one of the parks. At the moment I am stiĺl hiding in bed.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember22 June 2018, 8:36 am AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined I do hope you are able to do one thing today for yourself and that you will feel you have made progress on one thing you want to achieve around home.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor22 June 2018, 8:50 am AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Darling has just asked if I will join her at playgroup with S3 and if we can go to the park after for a picnic lunch so he can feed the ducks. Hoping that doing something like this together might make a difference.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor22 June 2018, 5:10 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Well today went better than expected.

My darling seemed to enjoy it also and thanked me after returning from the school run this afternoon. I am glad I went after initally not really wanting to. It can be so depressing though getting a taste of how thigs can and should be only to return to dysfunction and anxiety.

I really need to find some practical ways to unwind so I am less tense and stressed around the family. Part of the pronlem is I dont really have any hobbies or friends.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor23 June 2018, 10:06 am AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Hoping to be able to go out as a family today, Darling would very much rather stay in bed and sulk for the day.

I am making an effort at the moment not to emotionally withdraw. Something I think I may have been doing more of recently... I am desperately in need of some emotional connection at the moment but not looking the least bit likley unfortunately.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember23 June 2018, 8:00 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

So pleased you did get out today @Determined

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