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Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor22 Jan 2018, 1:25 pm AEDT

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

This thread is a follow on (or starting over) from my previous thread Caring for a wife with borderline personality disorder – sequel to diary of wife's hospital stay, I wanted to start over and in order to leave all the trauma and negativity of last year behind me and start fresh.

Those of you who have been following our family journey will know that after a number of hospital admissions for my darling I was encouraged by my councillor to implement some boundaries (lovingly implemented guidelines, not rules to be enforced) as well as self-care for myself as what we were doing was clearly not working and my health was /still is being affected.

Well after a smoother than expected start the boundaries and self-care were forgotten with my darling having a complete melt down and further lengthy hospital admissions due to high risk of self harm and a genuine attempt to leave us. The last 6 months particularly have been quite difficult for us all. S2 particularly had a lot of issues at school during this time and is currently seeing a councillor.

The purpose of this new thread is to again document our journey of healing, working on implemented boundaries and commitment to self care. As with the previous thread this is so that I can have a visual plan for myself with some accountability to follow through with plans in place and in the hope that it may help others in similar situations to ours. And so that I can track our progress. This was especially helpful in the last thread leading up to Christmas when I was feeling down about our current position to review what I had written and see just how far we have come.

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In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor19 June 2018, 5:44 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

I am feeling quite low at the moment and all of that sounds quite overwhelming but I hage to start somewhere. I know from previous experience that making good progress around the yard often is a big 'pick me up', nothing like a big fire to melt away some tension lol

Providing the boat is not stuffed from being left out in the weather for so long some time on the water should help also. Hoping also to catch up on some rest and get a sleep routine happening again.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor19 June 2018, 6:07 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

The other thing I have just been reminded of by a pic Darcy shared on the hot choc thread is to get in touch with someone I have recently been introduced to for a catch up. He is a retired gent (farther of a lady I work with) who shares common interests.

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember20 June 2018, 7:38 am AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember20 June 2018, 7:56 am AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Thinking of you today Bro as you go for counseling appt.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor20 June 2018, 3:47 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Feeling miserable and worthless after today's appointment @Former-Member

It is clear that she hates and resents me, the only reason we are still together is she has nowhere else to go. I don't know what to do any more. I am not going to give up easy as it would be at the moment but I do need to find a way forward in our current situation while focusing a little more on my own health and wellbeing.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor20 June 2018, 3:50 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

This is the reason I used to work stupid long hours before I burned myself out ot the point I can't work. And while I am in this current enviornment I cant see that (the being burnt out) changing any time soon. There was never any incentive to come home.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember20 June 2018, 4:23 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined ....sending very tender thoughts your way.

Getting in a better place physically and mentally is one of the best things you can do yourself.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor20 June 2018, 4:33 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Thanks @Former-Member, appreciate your thoughts,

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor20 June 2018, 5:40 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Hoping I did not come across as nasty or disrespectful towards my darling earlier, that was never my intention ☹

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

SmcSenior Contributor20 June 2018, 6:57 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

I didn't take it as either nasty or disrespectful @Determined. This stuff hurts. Sometimes you need the chance to say so.

Is your marriage counsellor aware of the BPD, and the complications it can bring into a relationship? Putting on my "amateur psychologist" hat (i.e. make sure you run this by someone genuinely qualified!)...

BPD behaviours include splitting (someone is all-good or all-bad with no shades in between) and projecting. I wonder if, rather than actually hating you, you may simply be in the "all-bad" basket at the moment because some of what you've said or done has been seen as bad by her, and that "wipes out" any good points in you in her mind? It may also be worth asking re. projection, who is it that she hates; you, herself, someone else?

I've seen both happen during my childhood. My Dad was accused or suspected of things that he'd never dream of doing. I spent a very unbalanced part of my time in the "all-good" basket while my sister was relegated to the "all-bad".

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