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Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor22 Jan 2018, 1:25 pm AEDT

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

This thread is a follow on (or starting over) from my previous thread Caring for a wife with borderline personality disorder – sequel to diary of wife's hospital stay, I wanted to start over and in order to leave all the trauma and negativity of last year behind me and start fresh.

Those of you who have been following our family journey will know that after a number of hospital admissions for my darling I was encouraged by my councillor to implement some boundaries (lovingly implemented guidelines, not rules to be enforced) as well as self-care for myself as what we were doing was clearly not working and my health was /still is being affected.

Well after a smoother than expected start the boundaries and self-care were forgotten with my darling having a complete melt down and further lengthy hospital admissions due to high risk of self harm and a genuine attempt to leave us. The last 6 months particularly have been quite difficult for us all. S2 particularly had a lot of issues at school during this time and is currently seeing a councillor.

The purpose of this new thread is to again document our journey of healing, working on implemented boundaries and commitment to self care. As with the previous thread this is so that I can have a visual plan for myself with some accountability to follow through with plans in place and in the hope that it may help others in similar situations to ours. And so that I can track our progress. This was especially helpful in the last thread leading up to Christmas when I was feeling down about our current position to review what I had written and see just how far we have come.

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In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor02 June 2018, 7:35 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Something I have to be grateful for at the moment.
I have recently had a discussion with a young adult who has been exposed to emotional instability in childhood and was able to get some good feedback on things to look for, things to do and more importantly not to do to help our children particually during/ after times of crisis.
This is someone who seems quite well adjusted and who I can trust and has actually been a support to me at different times when I have been not copeing.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor08 June 2018, 4:46 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Anony18 I thought I would answer your question over here rather than hot choc thread,

While we still have a long way to go my darling is actually doing ok. at the moment, possibly better than she has been in over 2 years. We had a particularly rough start to the year, triggered I think by concern about me going back to work/ uni and not being around so much for support. That has all worked out though.

Other people have also mentioned to me recently that she is looking more relaxed which is encouraging,
She has done all of the school drop off/ pick ups this term which the children are enjoying. S2 this afternoon mentioned how it is good having his mum back. I think he is the most affected out of all the children by her ups and downs.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Anony18Senior Contributor08 June 2018, 6:12 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

That is positive news @Determined. Hopefully she is slowly learning to manage and cope. Am sure you know this but one step at a time. Definitely glad to hear things seem to be going relatively well thus far 🤗

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Shaz51Senior Contributor08 June 2018, 6:15 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

That is positive news @Determined and hugs for you and your darling

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor09 June 2018, 7:49 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

I am really proud of my darling today 😍

Despite how stressed she has been over preperations for a birthday party for S2 today she managed really well. She had to immediately put everything back in order as soon as everyone left (ocd) rather than take a break but was able to hold it together well during the day.

Meltdowns in front of visitors are always a concern to me in these situations so I am most grateful. 😊

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember16 June 2018, 1:55 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Quick check in @Determined

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor17 June 2018, 11:46 am AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Thanks @Former-Member

I'm ot in a good space at the moment but everything is okay.
Trust Mr D is travelling well and you are okay also .

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor17 June 2018, 1:34 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember17 June 2018, 1:57 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Keeping you and your family in prayers @Determined

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor19 June 2018, 5:40 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Well I had my last exam for the semester this morning.. have to wait 3 more weeks to find out how I went. Not feling super confident but am hopeful of a good mark overall.

Now it is time to really start on some items of self care,

I have an appointment with the gp on Friday to check on progress (or lack of)

I was suposed to start a new med after my last appointment (anti-anxiety) but only filled the script this afternoon. I did not want to start something new in the middle of assesment as I often initally respond poorly.

Have a couples councilling appointment tomorrow, we have not been back for a couple of months,

I have to concess I was a little sour feeling I was the only one putting in and having to take time out of study to do it so have been focussing on me first.

So my goals for the next couple of weeks is getting into some significant exercise, try again with the diet (after a good start the last week has been a complete fail), get into some yard work and having a big clean out of my office and shed.

Thursday's task is to make a priority list on a big whiteboard I have in my office.

Friday is to get the boat sorted so weather permitting we can take the boys out on the weekend.

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.