Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

As promised our S2 was born with significant health issues namely a life limiting hole in his heart.

He reached his milestones and by the time he started school we were advised he had learning difficulties as well as ADHD and, with that diagnosis, his heart was managing well.

School is generally not set up for boys who would prefer to catch grubs and tadpoles or climb trees. It’s more set up for little girls who want to go please...sorry if that’s sexist. If I’d been a perfect mother I’d have kept him home and taught him myself.

We sent him to a small Christian school

and he didn’t learn to read until he was 10 but he was totally excited.

in high school he excelled in sport and once he started achieving in one area his self confidence improved and so did his school work. Prior to finding him a great coach he had come home one day saying “I know why others don’t like me, it’s because I’m stupid”. That broke our hearts but led to finding something he could do well.

After high school he travelled alone, leaving a trail of lost property around the world! He came home with a Canadian wife who has loved him, encouraged him and believed in him.

Today he is still

high maintenance, way over the top and owns his own cleaning business getting highly desired contract because of his confidence and ability to talk his way into anything! He also has a pacemaker and 2 sons with autism as well as a crazy mother.

My husband was a wonderful Dad who would sit with S2 every night while they read their bibles together.

Stay true @Determined I can fill in gaps if you have questions.

Thanks @Eve7

Our little man will most likely be going to special school along with his older brother. Meetings this week to start the application process.

Our S2 goes to a really good Chiatian school. While they try hard sadly they do not have the resources to provide the required support. Our S1 attended there for the first couple of years of his schooling before transitioning to special ed . At least with s3 we are on the front foot and can Hopfully limit the emotional distress his brother had to go through with schooling.

All the best with your education journey @Determined

@Determinedhow has your week been?

Ok week @Former-Member

Children are back at school.

I was supposed to be back at uni but have taken leave for another semester. Really not in a good space at the moment the thought of going back sent me into a panic.

Had a day out on the boat with S2 over the weekend. He spent most of it curled up on the floor while I fished. He keeps telling me though how much he enjoyed our time together. I Think he was just happy to be away from home and all of the crazy that goes with it.

Increase in work hours from this week.

Kind of defeats the purpose of cutting back on study when it is being replaced with work.

Kind of feel obligated to fill a required gap though.

Manager is however aware that I may need to step back if it gets too much.

I hate feeling like this and wish I had the emotional resilience to manage life better.

Psychologist believes that everything I have been doing to recoup this may in fact have been unhelpful. despite being positive activities. (Work. Study. Volunteer activities etc). As it only serves to reinforce the things I can no longer do.

About the only benefit my past years of study have been is a compas in the storm of life to keep me moving forward 😔 Despite good grades I have little memory.

My identity it seems is tied up in what I do and achieve. It would be better placed focusing on my family. I thought it was and that this was achieved in providing for my family but seems I have missed the mark in some ways. Right concept poor execution.

Writing this down like this has actually clarified things on the mess that is my mind so rather than a negative I hope some positive change can come from the reflection.

Felt a bit triggered today when I came across a message of distress in the course of my work. Flagged it and passed it on and was touched when a manager called rather than email reply to check if I was ok and assure me I had done the right thing in flagging it.

I find it so hard to switch off. When someone is in distress I feel the need/ responsibility to help even when it is not my responsibility.