FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Friends, families and carers

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

This thread is a follow on (or starting over) from my previous thread Caring for a wife with borderline personality disorder – sequel to diary of wife's hospital stay, I wanted to start over and in order to leave all the trauma and negativity of last year behind me and start fresh.

Those of you who have been following our family journey will know that after a number of hospital admissions for my darling I was encouraged by my councillor to implement some boundaries (lovingly implemented guidelines, not rules to be enforced) as well as self-care for myself as what we were doing was clearly not working and my health was /still is being affected.

Well after a smoother than expected start the boundaries and self-care were forgotten with my darling having a complete melt down and further lengthy hospital admissions due to high risk of self harm and a genuine attempt to leave us. The last 6 months particularly have been quite difficult for us all. S2 particularly had a lot of issues at school during this time and is currently seeing a councillor.

The purpose of this new thread is to again document our journey of healing, working on implemented boundaries and commitment to self care. As with the previous thread this is so that I can have a visual plan for myself with some accountability to follow through with plans in place and in the hope that it may help others in similar situations to ours. And so that I can track our progress. This was especially helpful in the last thread leading up to Christmas when I was feeling down about our current position to review what I had written and see just how far we have come.

2306 replies

1,851 - 1,860 of 2,306

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Hi @David101

Here is the thread I mentioned earlier.

There is a link on page 1 that goes back further in time when my darling was in hospital.

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined fascinating insight - "respect me please" .. seems like such an obvious and okay thing to ask - especially of our partners

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

I agree @Sophie1 yet so hard 🤷‍♂️

And so poorly recieved.

For me it is about coming to a place where I dont feel guilty for the request.

We spent some time this afternoon around language (as in passive / agressive / assertive) and how to best deliver that mesage.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Day out in the boat today with darling and the children. Yes darling joined us after previously staying she would not. Was a lovely relaxing day .

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined Thankyou for sharing - what a wonderful scene ... enjoy every moment ... I am in lockdown and can't leave house 😒 so sitting around contemplating work , gardening , tidying , sorting and the treat of a walk around the park 🤦‍♀️Strange times ... so I particularly enjoyed your pics of the ocean 🌊!

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

wow how lovely @Determined

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Yay! So good for you all. 😊👍

@Determined

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

I am really struggling at the moment.

After various functional assessment we received confirmation last week that our youngest meets the criteria for an intellectual disability.

Official verification is not until 6+ years old so another 2 to 3 years. Darling seems to have settled after a week of 'fireworks' but I am just so sad.

We knew he was going to need some additional support but I was confident (aka head in sand hopeful) that he was not that bad and with some additional support he would be ok. Feeling so guilty, we were not going to have a third baby for this very reason but he was our little surprise. While such a blessing and I would not change him for the world, I worry more about how hard life will be for him. And feeling guilty that I already struggle with S1 (also ID) and wonder how I can manage this also. Unfortunately it is up to me to manage a lot of supports, appointments etc as Darling just can not emotionally manage it. + S2 and his emerging bpd traits. 😣😭

Have been reading an article @ darcy shared a while ago about stages of grief, seems I am cycling through most of them. Just when I think I am ok I sink again.

Grateful though that so far he still has a sunny happy character. Hope he does not loose it like his older brother has.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined that is indeed an intense week and a heavy load

your family Is lucky to have you

I rung the Sane helpline for first time ever this week - they were amazing - I had to put my info in on the call back blue button area in website as the inbound call centre number isn't working this week - but they called back in an hour ish ... omg they were fantastic - kicking myself for not calling and using this service on the last 6years - could have really benefited

if you feel overwhelmed or just need to process or vent your thoughts feelings please reach out to the helpline

do you have enough supports in place for you ? Do you have a counsellor or psychologist just for you ?

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Just sending some support right now.

Im a bit overwhelmed from pdoc visit today but I’ll share our journey with S2 in coming days to hopefully, encourage you.

👋🏝

@Determined

1,851 - 1,860 of 2,306