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Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

This thread is a follow on (or starting over) from my previous thread Caring for a wife with borderline personality disorder – sequel to diary of wife's hospital stay, I wanted to start over and in order to leave all the trauma and negativity of last year behind me and start fresh.

Those of you who have been following our family journey will know that after a number of hospital admissions for my darling I was encouraged by my councillor to implement some boundaries (lovingly implemented guidelines, not rules to be enforced) as well as self-care for myself as what we were doing was clearly not working and my health was /still is being affected.

Well after a smoother than expected start the boundaries and self-care were forgotten with my darling having a complete melt down and further lengthy hospital admissions due to high risk of self harm and a genuine attempt to leave us. The last 6 months particularly have been quite difficult for us all. S2 particularly had a lot of issues at school during this time and is currently seeing a councillor.

The purpose of this new thread is to again document our journey of healing, working on implemented boundaries and commitment to self care. As with the previous thread this is so that I can have a visual plan for myself with some accountability to follow through with plans in place and in the hope that it may help others in similar situations to ours. And so that I can track our progress. This was especially helpful in the last thread leading up to Christmas when I was feeling down about our current position to review what I had written and see just how far we have come.

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In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Another major meltdown here tonight.

I don't have the energy for this any more 😢

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined did Darling take the hint from GP that pdoc follow up might be worthwhile? Would grief counseling be something she would consider?

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Um....

No and a definite no @Former-Member

She is very angry atm and rejecting any and all help.

Very tense here this morning but an improvement on last night.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined ☹️😪

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

So last night after I removed myself from a situation where I felt threatened. When FIL came for dinner and asked where I was. The response...

'Oh I got a little upset so he has run away to have a cry'

If I translated what 'a little upset' = it would breach guidelines.

We have now moved to threats of self harm (permanent type). I think at this stage it is intended only to upset me but if it continues it will be taken as serious. Calling for help will only make things worse short term but if I do nothing and something happens... what am I to tell the children😭

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined 🙏

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

So things have some of settled down at the moment and moving on with the usual pretend nothing happened kind of way.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Had an interesting discussion with psycholigist today about boundaries.

One of my biggest barriers has always been around boundaries feeling like a parent - child relationship. It was pointed out that rather than disrespecting darling by giving her rules it is more about respecting myself so as not to accepting treated with disrespect. Kind of a light bulb moment. Ditto the children.

And on reflection later on it comes back again to certainty in reaponse creating security.

So we will try this (*boundaries) again.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

I am really inspired by you @Determined and I am trying so hard to make my recovery real and not a facade. I have you to thank for this plan to change my behaviour. I want to be well in the true sense of the word.

Blessings

👍

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Thank you @Eve7 for your kind words.

Thinking of you and wishing you all the best in your journey of healing 🙏

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