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Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

This thread is a follow on (or starting over) from my previous thread Caring for a wife with borderline personality disorder – sequel to diary of wife's hospital stay, I wanted to start over and in order to leave all the trauma and negativity of last year behind me and start fresh.

Those of you who have been following our family journey will know that after a number of hospital admissions for my darling I was encouraged by my councillor to implement some boundaries (lovingly implemented guidelines, not rules to be enforced) as well as self-care for myself as what we were doing was clearly not working and my health was /still is being affected.

Well after a smoother than expected start the boundaries and self-care were forgotten with my darling having a complete melt down and further lengthy hospital admissions due to high risk of self harm and a genuine attempt to leave us. The last 6 months particularly have been quite difficult for us all. S2 particularly had a lot of issues at school during this time and is currently seeing a councillor.

The purpose of this new thread is to again document our journey of healing, working on implemented boundaries and commitment to self care. As with the previous thread this is so that I can have a visual plan for myself with some accountability to follow through with plans in place and in the hope that it may help others in similar situations to ours. And so that I can track our progress. This was especially helpful in the last thread leading up to Christmas when I was feeling down about our current position to review what I had written and see just how far we have come.

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In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

I have discussed them with him but a while ago so I suspect he would not remember.

It is hard as he finds it all so stressful so I want to try and shield him as much as possible. He came in earlier to see if all was ok and darling told him we were fighting.

Apparently her screaming at me and smashing stuff constitutes us fighting.

If things keep up I will have to discuss options with him.

It is his birthday tomorrow so really hoping we can make a nice day for him. First birthday without mum and he is finding life hard enough with out this nonsense.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Yep. At some level, even adult kids are "our kids", and we feel responsible, and as if we should be able to do something to make it all better.

Hope things can settle down enough for his birthday to be a comfort and encouragement to him.

Tired person needs to sleep here. Hoping you can do likewise @Determined.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Likewise @Smc

Well aware things are bumpy.for you atm and appreciate you dropping by.

All is quiet here so going to try for some sleep here also.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

"Walking each other home", as our currently absent friend @Faith-and-Hope has so aptly put it... sleep well.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined

Are you safe? Sending up a few extras for you for wisdom.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

We are safe @Former-Member

I am mildly concerned about darling as we have committed to head out of town to visit family and she is refusing to come. Opting instead to stay at home. Calculated risk but for us all to stay at home just reinforces bad behaviour. And FIL is really looking forward to catching up with Mums family.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined

Anyone you know who could randomly pop in?

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

A bit hard this time of year @Former-Member

May call my mum a bit later and see what she is up to.

Problem is if she sends the sister it will only make things worse. But can't say anything to that effect. I am surrounded by emotionally challenged people.

Just been talking to FIL about it. His mum used to behave exactly the same. Has triggered some memories for him.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Some of our Older Daughter's behaviours are similar to my Mum, but more extreme... it's a scary thing when you see a psychological problem repeated in a way that seems to be inheritied, particularly when there hasn't been either the same underlying circumstances or enough day to day contact for the younger generation to have learned behaviour from the older. 😞
Psych medicine is too full of unknowns. BPD is a disorder known to have a heritable tendency, but I'm not sure if anyone understands how or why.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

That is why I worry about our S2.

He is so much like his mum it is scary.

What I can't accept with our current situation is if darling wanted to stay home all she had to do was say so. But chose instead to manufacture a fight and make it all my fault she is not coming.

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